I for one, wouldn’t have believed I could do it. Here I am gamble free for 3 pay days. Wow. So why do I still feel so dirty and ashamed?
My brain still wants me to be hurting. I tell myself daily I am a survivor, I am winning at life. I am not going to gamble. So why can’t my brain just let me enjoy this feeling. Instead I am angry, frustrated, argumentative.Â
Do something to distract yourself they say. Take a walk, make a cuppa, talk to someone. That’s it isn’t it, after the initial angry outbursts from family. The friend that walked with me, the weekly counselling  There is nothing. I must be cured!!! If only eh!! They don’t get it! They certainly don’t want me harping on about it. My struggle, my brain, my addiction. I don’t want to gamble and I know I can’t get any cash to do it but the feeling lingers. I have this constant voice in my head. I am rubbish, I am not worthy, it’s all my fault. I am an addict!
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