My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. What an amazing bloke.
thank you change ..... he truly is ,he amazes me everyday.
its good that we can all still see the funny sides of certain things... if we dont laugh we will cry
just seeing a smile on his face makes my day .... but like beating this addiction ,we take each day as it comes as we never get 2 days the same .
thanks
Hi there ☺
Welcomed you to the challenge but didn't make my way round your diary until now.
Wow! Such a strong person ☺ you're truly in the right place here and will get loads of support and advice. The least this forum can do is make you feel welcome and cared for. There are loads of information and good suggestions of how to deal with this addiction. There is more than few ways to tackle this and you will definitely find the one suitable for you.
Wish you well and before i go, shall i just say this - you're as strong as your lovely hero lil brother, keep getting strength from each other and keep believing that things can change for the better. The connection comes from within.
Smiling while achieving all the goals is only for the better ☺
Go you! One day at a time
S x
Oh Kirstbob, I would love to have the skill to know what to say now (you really should consider counselling, I really think it would help) but I don't so you're just gonna have to have it from the heart...Thank you! That was so brave of you putting it down! Did it help any? It has certainly made it very clear to me why you sought an escape, you are one brave lady, please don't think you have to move forwards alone! Yeah, stay strong for him but remember, he isn't doing this alone, he has you so if you need to lean on others don't be afraid to! You know better than I do from that lovely description that he wouldn't want you burdened with his pain! You are an incredible sister with a huge heart & I completely understand you doing everything in your power so that (when he is ready) he will go, knowing you were there. My little sister went too soon (illness) & I don't think my mum will ever recover from the guilt but none of us can go back & change life. This is not your guilt to carry, take a leaf out of his book & don't look too far ahead, live for the day, he is! We can all learn a lot from people like your brother but that doesn't mean our pain isn't real & sometimes someone not closely connected can help unravel your brain & help you see things from a different perspective!
Not gambling means you will be facing some very strong, painful emotions @ the moment so stay close to your diary & don't be afraid to vent or shout out if you need support!
Thank you all , I don't know any of you yet I have taken comfort from what you have all said , thank you
It did feel good to write it down and let it out , yet reading it out loud to my partner I found more difficult...that why I'm scared of how I may be if was to talk to a counsellor face to face .
My partner has noticed a difference in me since I've joined this forum and started a diary, so maybe it's helping me more then I thought , I am a little worried that now I'm not playing slots ,reality will hit hard but I will deal with things as and when they come
my OH and I have been together since we were kids (15) he has been by my side through all the good and bad and the thought of losing him is unbearable,that's why it's a must that it stops now
thank you all again for your support , you are all fighting your own demons yet you still manage to help and support others 🙂
Day 24 and I have no intention of gambling 🙂
Some great honest posts coming from you I think it's great to get it down in black and white. I'm not one to be in a position to preach about counselling as I don't do it. I choose the GA route and get my 3D support from there.
What I will say is on sure you was apprehensive about posting you thoughts on here and look how that has turned out. With the counsellingling it's free you've nothing to loss by trying it, give it a go if it's not for you walk away nothing lost but you can say you have it a go. It might be the best gamble you ever make.
KTF
Hi Kirstbob only getting around to reading your diary. You have been through a lot and I can only admire your strength.
I too gambled as an escape from my own reality and all it did was compound the problems when I had a big loss. It was 100 times worse actually. You're doing really well so far and I echo the suggestions about counselling and GA. As was said, nothing ventured nothing gained!
All the best
Thank you Sam crow 🙂 The gambling side of things I seem to be handling quite well at the moment , but if I do feel I'm starting to slip then I will defiantly consider the GA counselling, I have a lot of support around me ,including this site ( thank you all ,your all great ) so feel very lucky that way .
Looking forward to today .... Going out with the kids and my brother down to the local park . A nice walk along the river , feed the swans .... There is loads and they are massive And not shy ... They come right up to you , we had to all stand on the wall last time ,leaving my brother surrounded by them ... A bet people thought we were cruel,but it was funny as out and my brother seen the funny side to it .... We even put bread on his knees so they would come right up to him and take it .... What a laugh we had , he still has our life's and we have his , but things like this get us through the days .Not sure how the little ones will like them tho as their probably the same size as them . Their looking forward to it though , it's their first really time out somewhere nice with their uncle , plus there's a big park and splash pool , so maybe that's the reason why they are lol .
I know the next few weeks will be fine , my oh has now broke up for the factory shut down , so no time on my own feeling sorry for myself ,which then would normally lead to playing slots ....
Hope everyone has a great and GF weekend 🙂
has anyone ever heard of the song by Katy B , crying for no reason ? well this is me and how i feel right now ...... give it a few months and im sure il find another song i can relate to .
It's the morning of day 26 and I know with out a doubt there will be no gambling today ..... Only 4 more days until I reach the 30s and 2 to make it 4 weeks , it feels good .... I've not really had any urges but maybe this is because I know there is to many blocks in place so it would be impossible for me to play anyway .
Have a great weekend
Stay strong
What a great day it's been , lush weather and stress free. Went out with the kids ,my brother and my sister in law , kids had a lot of fun and just getting my brother out of the house and seeing him smile and enjoy seeing the kids having fun is just priceless.,.....I will hold onto days like today as there so special .It's amazing how much you feel better in yourself when not gambling , you head starts to clear , you sleep so much better , you start to enjoy they days again and luck forward to things , where as before it was hard to concentrate on any thing apart from gambling or gambling related and it's only been 26 days ! .. I know it's early days but my OH and myself have been talking about a couple of nights away somewhere, it's been a while so well needed .i would never of been able to do this if I was to keep carrying on the way I was, but this will keep me focused and give me something to look forward to , it will be like a little reward .... Here's to a better future .
Day 27 . Nice chilled out ,Stress free day..... so all good
It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since I last played slots ,not really a long time but I'm very pleased so far as its been along time since I've went this long .... Everyday is an achievement and everyday I don't play ,I feel a little better in myself .
I've been having a little think about my debit card situation , and I must say it's honestly the best thing I've done since trying to stop for good , well that and confiding in my partner .... I don't honestly think I would of got this far if I was to have it , it's like a sense of relief if you know what I mean , it's hard to describe , all temptation has been taking away as I know it would be impossible for me play anyway .i feel I can relax more , like there's no pressure on me .... Strange feeling but good .
I wish everyone well during their recovery , stay strong
Hi Kirstbob. Have been reading your diary as can relate so much with regard to escaping from reality through gambling. I did enquire about Gamblers Anon which is the organisation that uses religion and the 12 steps. Works for a lot of people but like you say what if your not particulalrly religious which I am not. Think its about time there was a Gambling group which caters for anyone who has a gambling problem as whatever our religious views it is the same rules that apply to help us. Support, others sharing the same problem we all have.
But like you, I found this site and know if I keep sharing and posting we can help others and ourselves to keep this addiction at bay. Hope the holidays arent too stressful lol. mine all grown up and having the grandchildren is always my choice and as we nans say "we get to give them back". So just keep doing what you are and I can tell you will succeed and I hope I can join you on a successful journey. Janice
Ladies, I'm not the best person to advise on this but GA (Gamblers Anonymous, GamAnon is for the friends & family side of our compulsion) has moved with the times & the word God has largely been replaced with Higher Power. The serenity prayer IS part of it but the meetings (one GA & one AA) that I have attended were not religious @ all! If you have any questions, I would suggest popping over to Day@atime's diary & posing them there, he's very well placed to answer!
Congratulatuons on 4 weeks Kirstbob 🙂
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