Hi there. I am new to this website but have spoken to Gamcare colleagues before. I have also received 2 lots of counselling, one privately and one through Breakeven. I thought I had solved my gambling addiction last year but then I fell off the wagon, started gambling again, and then more recently it has spiralled out of control after I broke up with my partner and when my Dad passed away. I have wasted so much money and undone all of the positive progress I had made.
Over the last few weeks I have tried to quit and have been writing in diaries etc. I have tried to limit what I spend each week but it doesn't seem to work cause even when I win, I up my bets to try to win bigger (so greedy am I) and then before I know it, all my winnings have vanished, and feelings of despair enter my mind.
Earlier tonight I spent the last of the cash I have until pay day...I have no money for petrol, for food or for buying a present for my friend whose Birthday is later this week. I feel so selfish and guilty (not for the first time by any means).
I have made some positive changes already this evening which are going to help me in my battle to quit gambling.
1 - I cut up my debit card (have done this many times and always ended up getting a replacement one sent but this time I WILL NOT).
2 - I thought I could limit my gambling to just one arcade where I would just spend 10 pounds a week (but I can't because I went back today and spent my winnings from yesterday plus more!). So tomorrow I am going to self exclude from the 2 arcades I frequent.
3 - I have requested forms from 4 of the local betting shops that I go into to waste money on their evil FOBT machines, so that I can self exclude from the shops in the towns I live nearest.
4 - I have joined this forum.
I know that it is only a small step but at least I have the good intentions...any support from any like minded people would be so much appreciated, as there are only 2 people who know about my compulsion, one of whom is my ex who won't talk to me anymore, and the other is my friend who is on holiday till Thursday.
Thank you everyone and good luck!
well done on the positive steps you have taken hun. dont beat yourself up over whats done, its done you cant change it but you can take a step forward. im at the very start of my quest for freedom! all i can say is good luck, you can do it xxx
Hi there. Thank you for your comments! I have just read your diary entry too and I wish you good luck. You are right when you say it is an illness - it honestly is. I don't know about you but I was sucked into the world of gambling when I was having a bad time at work...the environmental conditions were such that I needed to escape from all the bad experiences I was having. Online casinos have been the worst for me. It is so easy to deposit money and they make it so hard to withdraw winnings that most of the time I just ended up reversing the withdrawals and wasting it all. I know I can't change the past but I really hope I can start learning from my past choices. I want to be happy again. I want to repay my debts and I want to have a positive relationship with money in the future. Just spoke to a Gamcare advisor online which I found useful. Have got a counselling session lined up in the next few weeks. Is that something that you have considered? Take care! X
i could cry the amount of times i have reversed withdrawals! but im trying not to think about it, in reality the money was never really going to be mine, i would have gambled it away one way or another. i have a debt management plan set up, no one else knows about it but hopefully one day i will be debt free! im glad you are getting help and that you have spoken to a councellor, someone else suggested i try that but i just cant talk to people about stuff, my mind says tell them but my mouth says im fine lol. i will keep my fingers crossed for you though hun, you can do this x
I have a DMP too! I owed 35000 but have paid off 7000 over the last 4 years or so. It feels like I am starting to make progress with it. I'm with Stepchange...is that who you are with? It certainly helps a great deal knowing that the creditors are being paid what we can afford, no more and no less.
You are right to be thinking about the future. I need to learn to do that because, as you say, there is no changing the past.
I have only told 2 people about my problem because I am so ashamed. But also, I always believed that I could beat this problem on my own...the reality is that I can't though. I am so glad I have joined this website because already I have seen that I am not alone and that others have made similar choices to me, through no fault of their own.
I always tell myself I gamble to make money, but actually I gamble to lose and because I want to punish myself. It sounds weird probably, but I think I need to start loving myself before I can become totally gambling free. Still, haven't gambled for 3 hours! At least that's a start, and when I woke up tomorrow it will be 12 hours...and hopefully before long it will be a whole day!
Be strong!
lol would have to dig out the paperwork and check (its hidden as no one knows!)
i completely understand the gambling to punish youself. the " i dont deserve to have anything" thoughts.
you are right though, firstly 3 hours, next 12 hours then 1 day, 2 days etc we can do this!
my worst time is late night, i dont get to sleep very well so will stay up all hours, then start thinking then start gambling! so im a going to bed in a mo and hopefully stay there till morning!
you be strong to and hopefully we can both be back tomorrow evening to say well done x
Yes I am often late to bed too, especially since Dad died 6 weeks ago. Keep thinking how disappointed he would be in me....but I am going to turn that around and make him proud of me for battling a very difficult illness!
Sleep well you. Start thinking about your successes (no matter how small they are) and I will looking forward to checking in tomorrow to congratulate you on another day free of gambling.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives!xx
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, i lost mine when i was 8. Don't think about disappointment,think how proud he would be that you have had the courage to admit you have a problem and are doing something about it x
now focus on today and see what you can achieve ��
heres to that first step x
Morning everyone.This is going to be the first full day since I decided to give up gambling again,once and for all. I didn't sleep that well last night but that's probably a good thing because it means that I am beginning to confront the fact that I have a serious problem,rather than just put it off like I have been doing so much in recent weeks.
I am going to set myself some goals today and think of some small rewards for when I have reached each milestone.I need to start being kind to myself and try to come to the realisation that I can't change my past decisions,but that I CAN make better decisions from now on,based on my past experiences.
Part of me wanted to try to reduce and control my gambling but I have never been able to achieve this,so I am going to have to quit 100% - not even a cheeky fiver on my favourite arcade game.No scratch cards,no lottery tickets and certainly no more online casinos or betting shops.
I have decided to sell my IPad mini because that has enabled me to access new online websites and gamble away so much money in the past few months.I have cut up my debit card and I am going to consider asking my brother to help me with my finances - although I really don't feel like I can tell him about my out of control gambling,so will need to think carefully about this one.
I have lost so much recently - I split from my partner and my Dad died.For the last 6 weeks I have been telling myself that I don't have anything to look forward to and that I don't deserve anything.But this is NOT true.I am going to fight this illness and I am going to gradually get myself back on track.I'm going to pay my debts and start using my hard earned wages to do good and positive things.
Will check back later with how today has gone.Have a good day everyone!
Had a chat with my counsellor on the phone today and am feeling positive about the days and weeks ahead. Got our first session planned for a couple of weeks' time.
Have felt ok today - not really had any gambling urges (although I don't have any money so wouldn't have been able to gamble anyway - but am hoping that the reason I don't have the urges is because I am beginning to realise that I don't want to gamble anymore). Spent the morning helping out at my church and then this afternoon just chilling and enjoying some of the free things life has to offer - TV, reading, drinking tea!
In a few hours' time I will have abstained for 24 hours. A good start, but a long way to go.
Hope everyone else has had a gambling free day too.
Just off to bed. Feeling positive that I have managed a whole day without gambling. Have set myself some goals and rewards to help motivate me along the way. Already looking forward to start paying back the money I owe.
Night everyone and sleep well.
well done for being good and making positive steps x good luck for day 2 x
reading and a cuppa is a great way to fill your time, i fully intend to restock my kindle abuse the coffee pot, kick back and relax for a while
will check back tomorrow to see how you are doing x
Day 2 of gambling free begins.Feeling positive although keep having flashbacks of the mistakes I have made and it makes me blush with embarrassment and makes my heart ache with pain.Well,what I have to focus on is that if I can beat this once and for all,I will never experience those losses and depressive thoughts again.
Am helping out at the church this morning then seeing my brother tonight to pick up some of Dad's things to sell at a Bootfair.We are going to use the proceeds towards our holiday to Rome next year - something to look forward to and work towards!I miss Dad so much but I know he is reunited with Mum again.
Just read some diary entries from people who have just spent all of their savings - really feel for them and hope we can all get through this illness together.
Have a positive day everyone!
Half way through day 2 and going well so far as have been busying myself. I will be getting some cash later though so that will be the real test - I need to use it for what it is intended. I hope I will be writing in my diary tonight, saying that I have spent the money wisely.
Failed miserably!
Thought I would just spend 5 pounds in an arcade I go to where they match your first 5 pounds. So had 10 pounds to play with. I deliberately went in just 30 minutes before closing so that I wouldn't get carried away. Won 10 pounds and left feeling like I can now set myself limits and stick them...BUT NO!
On the way back to my car I made a detour to this other little arcade with a machine I like. Put 2 quid in and started winning. After about 15 minutes was about 20 pounds up in total...I said to myself - "See you can do it!" But it doesn't end there...
Went into the arcade next door and found another machine I like. Was determined to just spend what I had won and then even if I lost it, I would still break even...
3 hours later I had lost all my winnings plus 40 pounds extra (basically all the cash I had on me). At one point I was 60 pounds up and voices inside my head told me to keep playing because I was invincible.
HOW WRONG WAS I? And will I never learn?
Well, the positive I will take from this is that I cannot limit or control my gambling...it's just not worth trying because I am a compulsive gambler and don't play to win - I play to lose. And that's exactly what I have done this evening.
Back to the drawing board - tomorrow will be day 1.
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