A new start

Stuart

Fella welcome to the diary section,I hope from it you take as much help and great advice as I have, it really is a place full of like minded folk who all share the same goal

To erradicate the destructive gambling from their lives and the deceipt and lies that go hand in hand with it.

I read your opening thread on the intro's section.I salute you for your honesty,it is hard to admit the losses,funny all the time we gamble we tend to gloss over them,addiction telling us that they don't matter because the big win is just around the corner.

The fact in that is the win however big would simply not be enough.

My advice the same that was gifted to me on day one of my own journey

There is a triangle

Time-money-location

Take one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible,gifting you the time for the rational side of the brain to kick the addictive side in to touch.

By and large the folk here are decent people,gambling takes that away,it makes us live for the pipe dreams.

I hope work gifts you some thinking time.

Well done for putting the k9 into place.

Be kind to yourself,today you did something amazing.

You reversed the mantra

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

became

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks for the reply Duncan.

You are right my gambling cycle throughout my life can be tracked back to one thing and that is boredom and within that boredom is the triangle you mention time, money and location. There are three distinct times in my life that I can pinpoint where this has occurred and as part of my recovery I am going to write each stage down as part of my diary over the next few days.

Stuart

Day/night 1 over.

I work in a noisy factory that requires me to wear ear defenders, so it is near impossible to communicate with anyone else apart from my own mind and believe me you can think of a lot in 12 hours. I expected to beat myself up over what I had done but instead found myself thinking positive thoughts and things I plan to do over the next few weeks to occupy my mind to relieve the boredom that leads me to gamble.

Firstly there is a 12 week fitness challenge which I have signed up for. I already cycle to work but I am going to use my spare time to pound the miles out.

First thing I did when got home was to check the blocking software stilled worked which thankfully it is.

One down rest of my life to go.

Stuart

Night 2

Just getting ready to leave for work, got to admit feeling a bit down, stomachs doing cartwheels. The thoughts aren't about gambling but more what I could have done with the money. Luckily I had booked an holiday to Tunisia before I wasted it all so at least I have something to look forward to. Only 6 weeks 6 days to go. I am targeting that as a landmark on my road to recovery.

onwards and upwards

Stuart

Well back to day one again.

In the 4 years since I have been away I have led an interesting life.

Didn't stop the gambling made over 100k, bought a house, exotic holidays. Lost all my winning saccumulated debt now over £50k.

Day one feels terrible.

I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I had systems that worked I would be debt free again, until yesterday when I lost it big time. 22k in 10 minutes.

I seriously considered ended it but didn't want to bestow the embarrassment on my family.

I have sought professional help, contacted the debt companies.

Not sure what to do next with myself. Stomach is churning, I am frightened to what is going to happen to me.

Hopefully day 2 is better