Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Evening diary.

Sarah has been taken out for supper Italian tonight, I better brush up on my cooking this week before she returns lol.

Serenity re instilled.

I am sat on a feeding trough up on the h#ill looking over my beautiful city, Mr blue is happy sniffing out rabbits and Hovis is rock digging lol.

I am contemplating a line of poetry, Joe and i add a first line of a poem to the trough each time we pass.

Mr kipling may visit to.

Peace at mind again

today i made the right choice.

To better my tomorrow.

No bet today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Duncs,

Just writing to say thank you. -joanxxx

Evening Fine Sir,

Just thought i would stop by to say this.

Thank you...

Plain and simple.. enough said.

take care

blondie x

Morning diary.

Thanks for all the kind words, on the forum and away from it, it gives me great heart to know that through recovery I have gained many great relationships here on the forum and we have carried our relationships away from it too and that fills my resolve to carry on my quest to not let gambling ruin another moment of my life.

I reflect that gambling made me lie at every turn to suit my own selfish needs, I would minipulate words 'edit' my situation to each person I encountered,even when it was there in black and white I would still lie, I lived a multi layed life, always covering my own faults by pointing out the faults in others, in my addled brain it was never my fault, I would load up the bomb, drop it and run, then through the carnage and wreckage I would always point the finger to something or someone else. today I just want everyone who has been affected by compulsive gambling to recieve from abstinence the same rewards I do.

To have a life which is forefilled not by me being the center of attention, 'charlie big potatoes' because I know for a fact that when I left the bookies all those times whether I was doing the walk of shame or walking out with a stack of folding the other folk in there laughed at the sad excistence my life had become, I have spoken to quite a few employees from the shops I used to haunt and they all say the same thing 'you look happy' funny as today I know fully that for me a compulsive gambler the void my addiction created could have never been filled by winning bets, as they simple would sink to the bottom of the hole, that's it for me compulsive gambling dug a hole so deep in my life it left me with a choice.

I would jump in and finish it, something which I came ten feet and minutes away from, I was without doubt commited to gifting my family my life.

So fate or one bit of good fortune gambling gave me brought me here today, I will never forget that, I will, I pledged to offer the same hand to whomever needs it.To take up the same fight I have, the one that starts each morning.

The one that ends each day.

No bet today.

I watched a programme on bbc1 last night about suicide in footballers and found many of the same parrellels in the life of the professional footballer and that of the compulsive gambler, I hope the programme goes on to help the many casualties of the professional game.

My name is Duncan Mcquilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet since 23/01/2012

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc.... am just parachuting in to say hello and to thank you for the wisdom in your thoughts. have a good evening.. S.A 🙂

Hey Duncs,

Just popping by to say hello and wish you nice and peaceful day.

Day at a time will see us through miles:-)

Sandra x

Afternoon diary.

Thanks Sandra/Sa your kind words help to build my resolve.

Well Sarah is still away and by my reckoning she has less days until she comes home than the days she has been gone, so that is a wonderful thing. Mum and Ed have been pampering her every need and I am so proud that they are all enjoying each others company.

Last night Joes friend came to supper and we had a fantastic talk about addiction, her dad is a recovering alcholic and it nearly took his life, so she has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to addiction, Her Dad is ironically the manager of a bookmakers and often fills the dinner table with the woes of the gambler, only this week a fella who had self excluded two days previous got really aggressive when he was refused a bet, sad outcome was he had not excluded from the other bookies across the road.

My hope is that fella finds recovery like me one day and arrests the misery gambling for us the compulsive gambler brings.

The conclusion to our talk was a comment which I took, which humbled me greatly, Joe said he is so proud of the fact that I am facing my addiction with such honesty and an open door, I am willing to talk about it with anyone who cares to listen.

Still that was only a fraction of our evening taken the rest was used up by everyone present enduring my horrendous scrabble!!!

I woke up this morning to find Lily throwing up!! Why?? because today she got her A1 results and had worked herself up into a frenzy, she did well and we are so proud of her, we had a chat when she came home and I gave her a big cuddle from myself and Sarah. She has put so much pressure under herself and I hope from today she knows our support is unconditional, like hers is to my own life.

She is off out for supper tonight with her friends and my hope is she relaxes and enjoys life again.

Me I am off out with the hounds, bless Hovis has had a long face for two days now, missing his mummy lol. how long can a whippets face get I asked him this morning as he hung forlorn off the couch!!!!

All this was gifted to my life today because I stopped the thing that blinded it all from me.

My compulsion to gamble.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet since 23/01/2012

stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs

Glad to see you posting daily and keeping contact whilst your good lady is away..

I love love love routine of ordinary living ..and the hounds are just fantastic ,the same every day , wig wag tails ..give back 500 % more than they ask ...and all unconditional..

I love it being the same everyday ...my past lives being fueled with chaos ..I love the predictability of a new and varied day..I see it as a strong platform to build on.

Sometimes I forget what I do sort out in a short timescale ..sorta one way life changing stuff for instance .lol....

Thank you as always for being consistent support for me , I need it for sure .

I go back to a long greyhounds face aswell as my own cheeky girl ...Vets again in the morning to check on the wounded soldier

R and D xx

Hi Duncs,

I was reading on your mums diary, so great to see her on the forum that sarah would be visiting them, You and all your family inspire me everyday to keep going.

take care

P.s my mum came back from holiday and her little king charles spaniel was very pleased to see her so tell hovis sarah will be home soon.

blondie

Hey Duncs

Just catching up with my buddies 🙂

I'm so pleased to read that your daughter's done well in her exams and that Mrs Duncs is having a ball visiting your parents.

You have so much to be proud of, not least the effort you've put into your abstaining from gambling. Your positivity and joy in daily living continues to inspire me.

Take care

Irene

x

Hey Duncs,

I don't have alot to say right now. But, just wanted to thank you for being there today. -joanxxx

Hello Duncan..

Simply from this simple mind, echoing what Judy has just said.

Really believe that you dont really realise how your honesty and humbleness, inspires so many.

I bow to you and have a fantastic weekend

Good Morning Duncan,

I do not post much at all nowadays, but I read the forum daily. Having seen recent "debates" on the forum, and a tendency for them to get slightly personal, I would just like to say I think the idea of a thread dedicated to debate where people can voice their opinions and hopefully agree to disagree at times, is a great idea. Hope it takes off.

Cheers, Jon.

Morning Diary.

Thanks for the comments folks I am taken back by your kind words.

So today I started a new thread, the debate thread, a place were folk I hope can feel they can ask questions to like minded folk and the risk of it turning personal I hope would be erradicated.

I will know if it is something of use to the forum by it's usage.

To take things personally is something I used to use in a selfish way to feed my addiction, today I try to think things through and find solutions to things rather than jumping in feet first, to which I admit it does not always work, but this is a working progress, I want to learn, it is a relentless pursuit in me bettering myself.

19 months ago I would not have done anything to help anybody else unless it resulted in me funding a punt in it's outcome.

This site and Ga have taught me a great lesson in what life can gift you if you try to do your best by everyone.

Again today I have my belief in myself, courage in my convictions to seek a better life for myself and my family.

Today that started with a choice.

No bet today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

Thank you for your kind words on my diary. I like the idea having separate tread for debating, as long as it's not getting too personal. Good to have a neutral space to share your thoughts.

Fantastic job! I am very proud of you Duncan, you are real inspiration to me and it's my honour to join you in this journey.

Have a nice and chillaxing weekend

Day at a time

Sandra x