Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

Inspirational post as always:) I can only echo Castle's words...You give so much out in this recovery, you are the bright light to others on this side ( as well as outside world) and i am honored to be able to learn from your story you share with us and lead my way forward in this journey.

Thank you so much and full respect my friend:)

Take care

Sandra x

I know exactly why Sarah and everyone stuck by you Duncs...you have the biggest heart on the planet! That's why! ..plus it shows just how important you are to the family..

When they say in groups about letting the programme work through you , this is what it means in my mind.

By being honest and putting your self out there you attract in what you need as people can help you along the way with just a few words ..like signposts ..

When we block that coming in we block the chance to see our situations in a different way..

Keep giving your recovery away to keep it Duncs ..xxx

Hi Duncs,

I can't possibly say it any better than Rach just did. So, I echo her sentiments: keep giving to keep it friend! -joanxxxxx

Putting some hard work into this in my own way. Qigong helpful for the body and mind and have made use of some financial prophylactics this week by putting limit on my card and may open another account just to use for work.

Drove straight past the services and stopped at a coffee shop for loo break as well although took some serious mind over matter as these demons are convincing little b******s.

Know you still have to fight the fight despite the months so appreciate the support and understanding and as the other girlies have said keep on giving to keep it.

xxx

evening diary.

thanks ladies, Truly humbled by your words.

so no gamcare for a couple of days, my phone would not let me access the internet, now sorted, so happy to report my gamble free life is still gifting more than any bet ever did.

got the feature wall papered. typical compulsive gambler, loads of bubbles in it so was going to tear it all down!!!!

patience and 14hrs later it looks superb!! so that's five rooms decorated for a 120 quid!!!!

I read alot of thoughts posted about the lottery and came to this conclusion. folk as a whole play through habit, less than a few win and those small wins don't gift any enjoyment, so i stick to my plan i will not spend a single penny on gambling, for me it is simple I have too much to lose.

and those odd pound coins i will continue to hand to those folk less fortunate than i.

The feeling that a fella is so down on his luck that he lives out of bins and sleeps rough is something i see all too often on the streets of my town. folk cross the road to get away from them, truth is that could have been me. if my family had not stood by i could have easily been one of those forgotten folk.

So my spare change will continue to go to them, i don't judge them or what they spend those few coins on.

i am humbled and forever thankfull it's not me.

My name is Duncan i am a compulsive gambler no bet since 23/01/2012

stepping forward never back.

Used to see him in Croydon many years ago

http://youtu.be/UDT1sx1yePM

there but for fortune

xxx

Hi Duncan,

Thanks for your support once again, it's good to see that you keep writing, keep pushing forward and are still gamble free. I used to obsess about the numbers, both when I was gambling, but also the numbers of days since I had last gambled.

One will always be the number for me. Just one bet can lead to disaster. One day at a time beating gambling. One post at a time. One aim, to stay gamble free. Today may be day one, but I intend to add lots of ones to that first day.

Glad to see your gambling is still being defeated day by day, and I hope once again to emulate your success.

All the best

Ryan

Said pride comes before a fall and did just that today as hit a real wet skiddy patch and lost control of the whole works for an hour or so.

Wish I could be like a tram and fixed to the sodding rails with an energy flow from above but feels more like a cable car and high wind I will come crashing down.

Seem to have mixed up a few metaphors there but have crawled back to my nest to recover for the next fight.

xxx

evening diary.

Dragonfly I feel for you, one day you will see what gambling gifts you, nothing but a broken heart and a bag full of pipe dreams. I coulda woulda shoulda!!!!

I have spent most of my life running from one thing or another, always seeing the grass greener on the other side, yet even when i got an invite i would spend my time looked on to the next garden.

I ran from grief, love and contentment for twenty years.

always scared of losing.

well I do believe that's what addiction made me believe.

the day i would stop gambling would be the day i would lose everything.

I spent years feeling like aurther dent.

Truth is if i had gave my addiction one more day i would have succeeded in it.

That is why i can't place one more bet.

Because I know the outcome.

Dragonfly for you it's like the green mile, I see that, feel it, Rach has the same feeling too.

both enhanced by the compulsion to gamble.

Tonight I ponder that.

my name is Duncan i am a compulsive gambler No bet today.

morning diary.

yesterday saw the twenty calendar months since I had a bet pass. Today is another day to make a choice.

Today that choice comes easier, Dragonfly dished up a dose of medicine last night, today my friend i hope you again find the right choice To make.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

Another right choice made today, be proud my friend and gift yourself your life back, it is yours to make the most of it!

Day at a time

Have a lovely week

Sandra x

evening diary.

Note to any compulsive gambler reading this thread that thinks gambling has any part to play in there lives.

Do yourself a huge favour before you stake another penny and read Charlottes thread.

Because for us this is what gambling will bring to your life, something very real, it is not a game, something to be taken lightly. It will take all you have and more, it's futile to think you have control if you let gambling exist in your life.

Charlotte my thoughts are with you.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's... yes your so right. Its so easy to forget our lowest moments to then struggle back to some sense of normality only then to return to rock bottom as if the time in between never happened. This has been my experience over many years. As with you, thoughts go out to any one struggling with the act of or thoughts of gambling, including myself.

Staying strong in ones resolve not to gamble one day at a time. Regards.... S.A

Totally right dunc it can take everything. It's taken almost everything from me I know I have one more level of pain and I don't want to get that far. It's a bloody hard journey but one any addict must take.

Well done on your continued success and thank you for being part of the thread, I can't believe it's finishing next week. On that note I've just put a post on there, check in this Friday as normal but next week is the final week and 90 days is actually on Saturday so final check in will be next Saturday not Friday. Take care dunc keep up the good work.

Morning Diary

I have made a decision regarding how to move on with my recovery, for me it is a big step but one I am confident will help me to remain focussed on what's most important for 'me'

I have made no attempt to hide the fact that I find some of the authors posts and comments upon the forum to be of a nature that leaves me feeling isolated and at a loss for the way the relationship with gambling is best dealt with and at times have felt cornered, I am at a loss for the way gamcare approaches the subject of recovery and to this end feel I am at times within a conflict of interest with my own beliefs, beliefs which are those that have been passed on by other like minded folk.

I get the whole take what you like and leave the rest, but do feel that folk commenting on live bets, visits to bingo halls seen as not gambling!!,the lottery and part time addictions do have a detremental effect on my own self, to the point were I find myself angry and that emotion I know only to well is one my addiction feeds off, So I have decided to do somethnig to maintain my own abstinence and I have yesterday taken a delivery of a new phone, one which is a more basic model thus limiting my 'gamcaring' to only the library were I am sitting now.

This means when I am at home or work I wont be logging on to the forum like I have for 20 months, gifting myself solely then to those two things without the possible interuptions I have incurred of late.

I see it as a process to live in harmony with myself and therefore will set aside a few periods in a week to gift myself some forum time. I came to this conclusion after much thought and self debate in which I considered leaving the forum all together, the answer to that was again simple, this forum has been a great use to me over the past 20 months I have learnt a great deal about myself and how I wish to be seen by the world and the way I want to live my life.

Simply there is and will never be room in my life for gambling and or the promotion of it so I believe this for me is a positive step in my ongoing recovery.

I view my desicion as a show of personal strength and a level headed judgement.

Something recovery has gifted me, to make time to think about the decisions I make regarding my wellbeing.

So I finish today on saying this, Gamcare has been and will still be a part of my life, today I feel I am doing what's right for myself and therefore those wonderful folk around me.

This diary is a true reflection of what gambling did to my life and ever more present what recovery brought.

To abstain and maintain.

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a compulsive gambler No bet since 23/01/2012

Stepping forward never back.