Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

ps ..

If you and Sarah ever want to renew your vows ..please feel free to draft me in to serenade you with this song...lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhboFh_0a7A&sns=em

Xx

R and D ...still got me sense of humour xxx

Completely agree about the education aspect as this is really obvious in the high number of young people I work with who smoke as they have not been advised of the dangers in their early years.

Think there is a high level of learnt behaviour as well as many addictions can be seen as repeating within families even if they have previously caused significant damage as with drugs, alcohol and gambling.

After recent struggles had a good weekend and hope yours was as successful with your Mum. You are just a little older than my daughter so I am thinking your Mum is probably around my age. No matter how old we worry about our children as they do us and this can make relationships so complex at times.

Also looking to make Christmas more simple this year (not religious at all) and enjoying planning some 'natural' decorations to make with the children - might try the threaded popcorn when they come over though don't think it will last long on the decks with all the birds around.

Take care and thanks for the ongoing support.

morning diary

So I sit in my hotel room, home for the next two weeks, why?

I am away for one reason, to earn the money to achieve what I set out to do at the beginning of 2013, to be apart from what I owe my mum debt free by the close of play 2013.

Then we are going to set up a standing order in 2014 to pay back what my mum has gifted to dig me out of the mess gambling got me into.

It saddens me greatly that I used my mum as a bank, rather than a mum at times and her patience and tolerance has been remarkable considering she had already lived for twenty years embroiled in my fathers compulsion to gamble, still life does move forward in the sense that we are united in our quest to ' live a better life'. A better life in our own terms won't be one of

great financial wealth, or material gain but one of measured balance, a unity of the core values we have tried to instill in our children, the values that I let addiction get in the way of I choose to follow and feed my addiction, today I choose a different path, one which is not distorted by pipe dreams and false promises of what tomorrow will bring.

As we all know tomorrow never comes.

So I am in a town I don't know a great deal about, but I do know they have GA, with a good wind and some advanced planning tonight I will attend with a view to having my mind educated further in my quest to live gamble free, I have the services of our youngest boy's laptop and a wifi connection, so the forum will never be more than a click away.

I have a pile of books Sarah choose from the library to read if I get much down time and I only have enough cash to get home so my mind is focused on the task at hand and my mind is strong.

I did not sleep at all well, truth is without my Sarah close by I never do, not to mention those two bags of skin and bones Hovis and blue, whom I will miss with equal measure.

But these two weeks are the platform to the big picture, I know what is the outcome I want and will work as hard as I can to attain it.

So just for today I will further my resolve to remain gamble free and maintain it, by all means necessary.

I know what I can achieve and am proud to have been gifted this opportunity, as my dear friend Mr.I.B says everything happens for a reason.

To my beloved wife, I simply adore you, you are never more than a second away from my thoughts, I without doubt will find the true meaning of the saying regarding absence over the coming days.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today stepping forward never back.

P.s thank you Callum (number 3) for the use of your laptop, love the spell check!!!lol did you install that for me!!

Hey Duncs,

As always lovely to read your honesty. I admire your determination and being true to yourself. You give so much out, to your loved ones, to anyone surrounding you, on this forum.

I am very happy for you and your family. Keep making the right choice.there are higher powers out there to help us stay on a right path - in your case it's unconditional love to your dear ones. For it be proud my friend.

Glad to walk the walk of recovery beside you and wish you all the best

Day at a time

Sandra x

P.s. 2 weeks is a long time on your own, but i am sure you will keep urself busy( get reading those books :-)..) and time will pass quicker and you soon be reunited with your family.

Hey Duncs

What I'm loving about this post is that you are a man of honour and integrity and man of your word.

Even despite putting yourself in obvious discomfort away from your family where I'm sure you would love to be , you are taking the high road and not shirking your commitment to be debt free.

Could you have taken an easier route? ..of course you could but the fact is..you haven't! You have put the greater good over the needs of yourself.

Full Respecto ....( it's a new Harry Potter Spell). Xx

R and D xx

Absolutely fantastic yet again Dunc's.

The determination in your posts always shine through with never a hint of self pity. With what ever obstacle have been put in your way in this recovery you've knocked down and strode forward.

I Stand and salute you Dunc's

Evening diary.

Well I have had a great dose of medicine this evening from a room full of like minded fella's that I have never met before and may never again, who welcomed me unconditionally and listened patiently to my therapy and shared there own with compassion and humility that I find a truly wonderful thing.

Anyone who has any misconceptions about the GA room in my mind today misses a valuable tool in the recovery of the addiction that is compulsive gambling.

Nobody to a man is looking to offload the blame or the shame, they are to a man just looking at ways to deal with the sh#it they dished up for themselves and the folk they hold dear.

Me I salute you all, and tonight thank that group of fella's with all my heart as the next two weeks will soon pass, my rational and desire to make the right choice,better educated for the choice I made in attending a meeting as I say of like minded folk who share nothing more than a desire to end the destructive gambling.

Ego's left at the door, and humbling and humourous in equal measure.

So I have had a good as day as possible, without being able to climb weary into bed and cuddle up with Sarah but it will be all the sweeter when it comes.

Funny because two years ago if you told me I would walk into two situations in the same week and meet new folk who would have a profound effect upon your life I would have dissmissed you as deluded and stupid!! As I would have been wearing my faithful 'gambling goggles' that distorted what life could hold.

Well not any more my dear friend.

Today I made a choice, not to feed my addiction, it starves in the far reaches of my mind.

For it makes me truly content to know, today I bettered my world.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today.

The worlds a better place with you in it Duncs that is for sure..

I'm glad you exist !!

Thank you for popping in for a nightcap and your kindness is always recognised xxx

One day in the not so distant future I think I will thank gambling and the whole experience of what brought me here ( no I've not been drinking ...lol)

Could you have imagined me saying that this time last year????

I have it to thank as without this I would have become a very bitter person and possibly never got myself back...the experience took me down but it's now taking me back up.. :-)))

Like you Duncs I still have a few financial challenges ahead and I've had to learn to live with uncertainty, things not being nearly boxed off and living alongside debt which I have always prided myself on never having.

Im not. not going to celebrate Xmas because things are still not perfect as life is never perfect for long and I will have a long wait on my hands with that attitude.

Have a good sleep Duncs...

Sending you a little ditty fmy mum used to have me say to me before bed..

Lord keep me safe this night

Secure from all my fears

May Angels watch me while I sleep

Till morning light appears..

Sprinkling the Angel dust til you are back home with your good lady xxx

R and D xxx

Morning diary

Thanks Rach, life today has a meaning to it, for me this is the one huge factor that has changed in my life, I know that gambling gave me an oh well f**k it attitude, it actually took my drive away, I let it take my drive away.

I have digested the content of my fantastic meeting last night and take from it this.

I will again revisit the steps, over and over, as the steps are for me the foundation of my recovery.

We talked about healthy addictions, as often the destructive gambling is replaced by throwing ourselves at something, be it old or new, physical or a mental activity to replace the huge amount of time we dedicated to gambling, to do something forefilling is an act which will help hugely in our quest to remain gamble free.

I had stopped visiting the steps over the last few months, become lazy in my attitude toward them, I know that for me was the start of letting my addiction back through the door, to gift the part of my brain that thinks it is acceptable to gamble needs to be constantly reminded by the rational side of my brain that it is unacceptable to have a punt of any kind, as for me the results are always going to result in the same thing. MISERY.

Lastly I again learnt that there really is No shame in admitting that gambling had me licked.

The shame would come if I stopped admitting it.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO BET today, why would I the odds are simply not in my favour.

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

An AA interpretation of step 2 goes like this ..

We came......(we got the courage to walk through the door of the rooms)

We came to...( we began to wake up from our addicted sleep)

We came to believe ( we trusted that there may be a better way )

Step 2 .." We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity "

Xxxx

Hello Dunc's

Them last 2 posts have yet again got me sitting in front of my seat, then seeing Rachels last post has made me think long and hard. Yet I know thinking alone isn't the key, its taken the steps you've taken to address this S***e.

I applaud you yet again Dunc's for sharing in such a humble way but also send a million thank you's in opening my eyes to this slumber.

Morning Diary.

Thanks rach for penning that, I as stated earlier today do believe that for me the steps are something I had not seen the true value of, last night through the act of sharing one of those simple steps I again am re-invigourated to use them to there best potential.

I am in between jobs so my thoughts wandered to the belief I have that the outside world view the 'compulsive gambler' as a lower the average person of intelligence. that in general we must be stupid to continue to gamble our money, often all we have until our last penny is gone, that any person who can't stop must lack any intelligence.

This I have more than often found to not be the case, the levels of intelligence are much higher than I believe we the compulsive gambler are given.

This again is a result of the lack of education this addiction has in the general public eye, today I believe that parliment are voting on capping the limits on the fobt.

Is this for them the answer, what actually do they expect this to achieve?? To what difference will this make to the problem gambler??

For me this is an exercise of keeping the public quiet, ignorance is bliss as they say.

pick up a carpet and kick it under.

Keep the secret a secret.

I state and will state again, for me I am a compulsive gambler, no limits or control apply for me, whilst gambling I have none, this I believe is the same for each and every one of us, no matter what form our destructive gambling takes we have no control, abstinence is the answer.

Education for the future generations is the answer, not regulation.

My name is Duncan.

Abstaining and maintaining.NO bet today.

Duncs, thanks for that post....Really does mean a lot....

Has got me thinking, No I really don't think I was running for the entire 3years. Ran for the previous 40 but did find some good head space and also for a time did find recovery an eye opener and a 'buzz'.

Deluded thoughts that id tackled my primary of gambling and nothing wasn't going to take me down. How wrong I was, sucked back in and spat back into the gutter. Also replacing the buzz with another.

Also have a real need to know why I run away, which I seemed to have done in an entire life time. I know deep inside me there's somebody I like and functions without the head funk of addictions. Its just finding that person again.

You do inspire me Duncs with your honest and for that im ever greatful for. Hadnt realised you were between jobs and wish you all the best.

Also agree that the compulsive gambler is viewed than a lower form of intelligence who cant stop this expensive self and other harming demon. Yep, ignorance is bliss and easy to sweep under the blanket of what blight compulsive gambling can have on many innocent lives not just the cg.

Keep striving on Duncs

Slowly stepping forward with you Duncs

Morning diary

Groundhog day lol.

Thanks for the kind words Paul, I hope writing gifts you great therapy as a reward.

I am off out on the early again, I did not sleep, but the cricket and saturday gone's guardian kept me busy.

When I am away I like routine, and will stick to the same schedule.

And the bigger picture is there in my mind.

A nice cheque by way of reward.

No bet today, the triangle is broken.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Sarah I miss you, more today than yesterday but not nearly as miuch as tomorrow. x

Hi Duncan,

I liked your description of the way that gambling takes away our drive and our desire to improve and better ourselves.

By making us think that we are not in control of our own destiny then it makes us not want to take control and to work towards the goal of a better destiny. Hope the nights to come give us a better result in the cricket too!

All the best

Ryan