Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon diary

thanks for popping by fella's we do all stand aside in this fight to live better lives through arresting our addiction.

Abstain and maintain.

So been on a huge walk with my beautiful Sarah and the hounds, we wandered for a couple of hours over the hi##lls and aside from wrestling the dogs away from the various hazards lol. namely Fox P**P, why oh why do they love it so???? They want to eat it, roll in it and they can smell it a mile off!!!! Is it just the Whippet or maybe all dogs are the same. Maybe I should search fox/P**P/ananymous!!!!!!!!!!!! I could send them there to see the error of their ways lol, still got them home showered and fed and headed to the library for a change of books to read and a top up on my resolve.

The private library is not so today, there is two fella's putting the world to rights, whilst out trumping each other.

Most entertaining!!!!!!!! lol.

I honestly can't understand for the life of me why folk find the need to have an answer to everything, the old 'you have a black cat my is blacker!!'

still that used to be me!! I used to know the answer to everything lol, or so I thought, sadly it revolved around the outcome of a punt, I used measure myself by the size of my winnings, which as we know was always painted over the huge losses. We always hid those, addiction used them to privately beat me with them, taunting me, always goading me back.

Well again today I am humbled by what I read, I learnt a great deal. There is so much to absorb, I love recovery.

The gift that never stops giving.

I never want to stop taking what is on offer and share it with whomever wants it.

Today I feel like I made a difference, that feeling is wholely more forefilling than any punt!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

No bet today.

Duncs you definitely do make a difference - to me and many others. I want to thank you for your support and advice and look forward to hearing more about your journey forward. Congratulations on beating the odds and winning the biggest gamble of all - backing yourself. Please continue to offer your story, advice and support as it appreciated x

Hi Duncs,

I am just rolling out of my bed here and there you are already dusted and sitting in front of the computer at the library after enjoying a brisk walk with your lovely Mrs. and your lively mutts. The time difference is something... Anyway, yes, I must have my coffee every day but, it can be addictive so, I keep to my moderate two steaming cups per day. I already told my doctor that she can forget about me ever giving that one up. She and whatever army she can put together will have fun trying to pull that cup out of my dead hands... lol. I had a good laugh over the image of your dogs rolling around in the fox poo. My dogs would be right there with them believe me. Lol. So, if you want to start up a support group I would be happy to sign my two up. Anyway, we have got a full day ahead of us right? Thanks for your constant support Duncs even during the dark times. You my friend have been right all along about recovery. I believe that I might have successfully extracted my head from my a**e. I am going to work very hard keeping it that way!! Enjoy the rest of your weekend Duncs! -joanxxx

Hi there

have been making mud pies, not poo pies, today as trying to remove the inches of thick gooey slime from my garden. Only nearly fell in the river once and not sure my washing machine will cope with the mud on my clothes but glad to be home.

Fairy godmother must have been watching over the boat as no damage so going to make more effort to be cheery as had become a miserable old f**t just recently.

Thanks so much for keeping in touch and keeping it real, it means a great deal to me.

xxx

Hi Dunc's good to see that all is well in your world. I bought a bike in Halfords in the end... mountain bike, half price at £150, disc brakes too. Its a lot of money to me and its stressed me parting with it.... should have gone gumtree or similar really. Strange how I use to spend hundred's on gambling and it seemed like value for money at the time, until I walked out the gambling hell hole of course!... thanks for your support mate... S.A 🙂

P.s Atleast you know what to get your hounds next Christmas... a tonne of fox pooh! ... Lol

Morning diary

So went out early this morning with the hounds to beat the rain, not that we did as soon as we left it poured!!

So we went to the local football pitches and let them run.

Hovis would make a great winger!! Lighting fast chasing a ball and Mr blue would hold up the midfield, he takes the more leisurely approach to exercise, a dog after my own heart lol.

The groundsman was putting out the corner flags, I said surely no football today!! He laughed in his big coat and. said not if this rain continues. I hope for them all it got cancelled!!!

So home and back in the warm, not going anywhere today, walk the hounds between this rain and enjoy the football on tv.

I was gifted a great lesson through Ron81s thread today, reading was like rewinding my gambling life. A place I will not return to.

Today I understand why, I simply have no control when I gamble

All rational thinking goes for a Burton and addiction reaps more destruction.

I hope this doesn't happen to Ron. Everyone has to find a route that works for them.

It made me think of castle, I hope his own journey with controlled gambling continues away from the site.

For me total abstinence is the route which guarantees me the continuous success I work for. I accept that for folk that differs and learn an equally valuable lesson reading their threads too.

That old adage never more true

Take what you want and ditch the rest.

The difference today is emotionally I won't be affected as I respect everyone in equal measure.

The gift of recovery. It never stops giving.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Evening diary.

Had a busy day today, sorted loads, work schedule sorted for the for- seable and some interesting projects in the pipeline so excited and know there is plenty to keep me busy.

Ma and ed popped by this afternoon so we had a good catch up and a peaceful natter, nice for them to visit and the subject of me borrowing wedge not to have to come up, just a good chat about life and the upcoming year. Lots going on, our lily-may turns 18, Joe 20 me the big 40 and mum and ed married for ten years so hopefully there will be a few nice days to stop and celebrate life.

All without a punt this will be possible, these folk deserve to celebrate there own milestones without me throwing constant spanners in the works through the destruction that is my compulsion to gamble.

Today I quietly enjoy recovery, my guard up, my blocks in place. Pay day over the next few days and I will ensure not a penny is forecast or speculated in the form of a punt.

Some shelves for the boys and some blinds for the lounge this months extra purchases.

I think I have found a project vespa for youngest too a 1978 model that we can restore together.

So today I have focus

And an understanding that if you work with what you have rather than thinking you can either get extra for no effort or you don't have enough.

Today I will cut my cloth accordingly.

With it I find a sense of harmony.

Today I made a choice

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler no bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Couldn't you get him interested I doing up a Harley three wheeler Duncs. Have always wanted one and would certainly beat a mobility scooter which I am heading rapidly towards these days.

When I was at art school used to sneak in bits of my ex's lotus 7 each day to re spray and my best mate completely re sprayed his 1936 Triumph the same way.

Would love to do something like you but although I have most things here sadly no garage. Such a good focus for the mind away from gambling and a brilliant bonding experience with an end result.

xxx

Morning Diary

DF, my dear friend thanks for raising a smile,it is great to achieve 'real' things to have plans, end goals without the destruction of gambling hanging over them like a wrecking ball!!!

So woke up this morning with the big gambling monkey on my back.

'go on duncs treat yourself, the missus is off to buy some bits tonight, you deserve a treat, just me and you,like old times'

He whispered in my ear.

Me I smiled and said 'yes fella I remember those old times, you broke me, turned me into a f*****g great big ar##se!!, my dear old friend today I said Recovery is more valuable than a punt!!'

The little monkey, the sensible one, the one that always came to my side after another bout of losses, the caring one, the one that big bully of an ape used to bat away, this morning he danced a jig!!!!!

I faced addiction this morning, square in the eye, I refuse to be entertained by his ridiculous small talk, his promise of a win, I can see straight through him.

Again he smells of bull#s**t

He offers me nothing in return for me gifting him my hard earnt, today with my trusty bag of recovery tools and the little fella looking after my back.

I make a choice.

Again I find solice in this wonderful forum, to which helps me make a choice.

One which will not cause waves to reek havoc over those I hold dear.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Right off to earn some the right way!!!!

Hi Duncs,

Looks like the monkey is doing the rounds at the moment, as you know he was banging pans in my kitchen yesterday, giving me headaches and making me feel like c**P. Well done for telling him where to go, I think we've both got through one more challenge on this journey.

Recovery is indeed more valuable than a punt, and I hope that neither of us is going to throw it away for a bet. Thanks for your post this morning, now that its a different day it all seems a little bit different again.

All the best mate, and kick that monkey in the balls for me!

Ryan

Great post duncs. The bad monkey has had its way with me too many times. I love the analogy, I will use it when next the bad monkey tries to get its wicked ways. I am ready to allow the good guy win . I think the daily medicine bit is also important as it refocuses us back into reality and the reason we visit this site in the first place. Keep posting your medicine is my medicine x

Hey Duncs,

Great post and well done for shaking the monkey off. Thanx for sharing!!

A day furher from self destruction - a day closer to happiness and harmony with urself. Keep it up!!

Sandra x

Thanks for the post Dunc and interesting perspective. You are correct that I have never gambled on a machine but my general perception of anyone's gambling of choice be it a machine, sports, horses, casino whatever is if it ends up taking over their life and taking all their money then surely there must be an underlying reason for this? Yes we have all gone through phases where we thought we could beat the odds and make money but also phases where it was just a habit, we didn't care whether we won or lost and at times we just wanted to lose so it would be over.

So the thrills and spills and ups and downs and excitement and being in the action were surely either a replacement for something missing in our lives or an escape from a life not fulfilling dreams and ambitions or a life where we had come to a point of admitting we had no direction.

Not saying we consciously started spending all our time, effort and money gambling, we had best intentions when we started out but in time it manifested into compulsion and addiction and there has to be a reason or two for that. So I reckon anyone who eliminates the problems with gambling then needs to address the real problems one way or another.

Thanks captain, I replied upon your thread, today you have gifted my resolve to continue on the right path for me.

Today I understand further how very early on in my gambling life it beat me up, broke me.

For me to gamble in any form is a very foolish and futile

act.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Matey

Just to let you know I'm following you along your path and I like the way you move forward! It is all about putting in the hard graft and taking the rewards when they come. Long may it last but just for now one day at a time is all any of us have.

Take care