Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

afternoon diary

let it go, fella you have a choice I hope you take it, you still did not answer the question.

One I feel important

If you had a pocket full of folding would you be here or feeding the £500 dream machine??

Dark place, great to see you back, good news all round in your corner as Mr R. Radler also updated his blog and I recieved a nice email, So all good, only thing was your math was off, I am 82 days gamble free not the 112 you gifted me!! f**k ing compulsive gamblers never any good at math lol!!!

Actually it was one of downfalls, always formulating numbers!! I remember once having a stand up row with a fella who was the Charlie big potatoes of my betting shop as he waged a fortune each way on a 4/1 bet, it placed and he could'nt see it was actually a losing bet, until he went and counter and collect less than he waged, funny he was the self proclaimed 'face' of the bookies, always telling you what to do with your life.

He still frequents the same shop I see him in passing from time to time, he always says 'hows your luck' I always reply 'great since I stopped gambling', he still looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, I guess he still sees himself as a big hitter, I always wonder how much he has wasted??

Still not my problem is it??

I learnt this valuable lesson in the past year, it really does not matter what other folk think or do with their own lives it is all about the choice I make.

I can imagine him holding court in the bookies as he used to, telling everyone 'remember that loser who used to come in here!!'

It makes me smile to think about it, not in way that is derogatary to the fella, I hope he is well, it is his life, but I smile at the fact that he is right.

I used to be a loser, f**k I could have been a pro!!! I could'nt have professed to being a 75% winner like him

Just a 100% loser.

And the big news is I stopped that.

I am today like yesterday A winner.

It feels great, it is my choice to continue with it.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan,

You are absolutely right, it is up to each of us to decide to stop gambling and to develop the resolve to make sure that gambling never weasels its way back into our lives. As much as I value and respect the opinions and advice that I get from others on here, nobody but me can make that decision to not gamble, and to keep making that decision.

Well done on your continued abstinence, and I hope that slip will soon be way behind you.

Ryan

Morning diary

Thanks Ryan, that last bet will be kept close by in the memory bank as it is a excellent weapon in my armoury

to continue my battle to remain gamble free.

I know addiction finds it easy to gloss over the destruction and paint a picture where that bet, the one we deserve is just around the corner. Well bull**sh*it to a man we all know the truth.

Those corners just keep coming, gambling will just send you round and round in circles.

Funny reading an email yesterday from a compulsive gambler who went back at it and bragged about all the winning.

That through the therapy and help he had received through seeking help to arrest his addiction he wrote how it helped him gain control.

Oh then keep reading and the losses poke out from the carpet he kicked them under!! Addiction has a great way of making us gloss over them, makes us forget them.

Well I have walked in those shoes too many times.

The losses quickly outweigh the wins and the stakes got raised and the corners came more frequently.

I won't be looking around the next corner.

Recovery shows a straight road ahead. Fair enough it's full of potholes, its about navigating around them, filling

them as I pass, hopefully leaving a smooth road for others.

So more football tonight, the sky got fixed. The Spanish cup for us to enjoy, my eldest is a font of knowledge regarding la liga

He rarely misses a game. No wager ever involved just a passion for the beautiful game.

Something I take great pleasure in too.

All because I awoke knowing why I won't listen to my addiction calling.

My name is duncs I am a compulsive gambler no bet today.

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan

Just a great reminder there of where we're at with this destructive addiction. It can be handled if handled with care and respected. I, too, listen, on a daily basis, how this one and that one let someone down for X, Y and Z! B*llsh*t is an excellent adjective for the whole practice of gambling for me!

Take care

Hi Duncs,

I read your posts every day and today I would agree whole heartedly with you and Smiler. Bull shi t is the best word. Thank you for your constant support. -joanxxx

Morning Diary.

Today I dont have much to say.

Every day I open my thread and enjoy so much reading that first page, it reminds me of the broken man I was.

It also says 'be kind to yourself, it will happen'

The honourable smiler gifted me these words, they amoungst many have had a profound affect on my journey.

Why??

Because my fellow gamcarers those words are so true.

It did happen today, I made an educated choice, I came here to the library and gifted my resolve a dose of gamcare medicine, instead of sittng infront of a £500 dream breaker.

For that I salute you all.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs,

Great to see you keep taking your daily medicine and feeling better with yourself. Recovery is trully bespoke, and no matter how much urges tries to lure us back into self destruction mode, we are the ones to make last choice.

Be proud, recovery never stops giving

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your support for others.

Keep it up my friend, thank you for your words on my diary, they always rings much sense.

Strength and honour

Day at a time

Sandra x

Thanks for the post Duncan, much appreciated and I agree with your sentiments and have commented further on my own diary.

Best wishes

DMac,

Thanks for the kind words on my diary. I am glad to be back on track.

I think we have a lot in common in terms of our positivity. Like you, I think every day spent not gambling is a good day. Most other things can be dealt with and overcome just as long as I don't gamble. I am most certainly enjoying the journey.

Tomso.

Morning Dunc.

Hope this finds you well my friend.

Continued best wishes,

gazza

The £500 dream breaker. I think we all have our dream breaker eh duncs? I know mine broke plenty of the dreams I had for my twenties. All I know is that I can't let the d**n thing do the same to my thirties.

Hope you are still keeping those words from smiler close, and that you are being kind to yourself.

Ryan

morning Diary

Just enjoyed another dose of 'gamcare' medicine before heading off to face the world for the day, Gazza always good to see those days totting up fella, a great achievement for you, be very Proud my friend.

So wandering over the hi#ll this morning with the hounds looking for some dry ground lol I was thinking about how far my mindset has come in the two years since I joined the forum, I have learnt a great deal about myself, other folk, the devestating affect our compulsion has on the folk who we claim to hold dear to our hearts, I have learnt it is ok to be wrong, to accept your shortcomings and work on making them stronger, I have learnt the value of teamwork and I have even learnt to type LOL.

The list could go on and on

Truth is gambling took from me, my compulsion meant I never took anything back, yes the fobt accelerated my losses but I kept giving, with honesty it would have just found another form to take my hard earnt, facing facts I was only too willing to dish it out, I fully understand today that the money is only a proportion of the compulsion, the harder things to bare are the facts that all that time I gifted my addiction will never be recouped, the faith that folk entrusted me with will in some cases never be reborn, the relationships with friends I spurned in the name of gambling are lost and the scars emotionally are deep in my mind, imprinted for ever.

Through Recovery I stopped gifting all those things, I stopped trading my life for pipe dreams, I actually for the first time in my life have taken responseability for my life.

I have written before many times that Sarah my beloved wife, my best friend must have felt for many years that she had four kids in the house, our three and ME!!

Her love for me has never relented, yes she has been mad/more than mad on many occassions but never stopped loving, for 21 years we have been together, there must have been times when she thought 'I would have got less for killing him' but together we have come through it.

Today we are more honest, we smile a great deal, I believe today Sarah enjoys recovery as much as I do, today I feel very proud of that, we are triumphimg over disaster.

I have gone from a life were I constantly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory to actually understanding what it is like to be a winner.

The spoils I gladly and ever thankfully get to share with my best friend, my soul mate my beautiful wife Sarah.

Recovery is the most important tool in my life, without it the rest would cease to excist, all those lessons would be lost and most of all I fear I would lose my wife.

So that is why today I know that yesterdays choice bettered todays and why in my life gambling a single penny is to much to risk what I stand to lose.

There truthfully is not a wager in the world worth the risk. I will continue to enjoy what I have and the great feeling winning every day gifts.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Lovely post Duncan,

It is so important that we look back to see what we have achieved and think about where we would be if we still gambled. Your love for Sarah and your children shines through, you have tried so hard to give yourself a second opportunity and have the backing of a lovely family to support you.

Not only this but by recounting your experiences you have helped so many on this forum with your calm, structured and unrelentingly positive message to others.

Stride on over those *** with the hounds, stride on to a better life, stride on to a gamble free future one day at a time.

Paulds

Hi Duncs,

Thanks very much for your message. I hope that you have a great weekend.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Duncan,

I want to thank you for posting on my diary and congratulating me on my 100th day. I look up to guys like you on these forums because you've been there, done it and experienced all the highs and lows that come with this addiction. Your last post in this diary is excellent. You really have things in perspective and I can see how much your family means to you.

I'll be sure to check back and post on your diary more often. All the best!