Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

Thanks for your post on my diary and I want to say- right back at ya!

Linda

P.S. sign me up too!

Baaaa baaaa baaaa baaaa - anyone tell me where the sign up sheet is please?

I read the post you referred to a number of times, got confused, got angry, left it, went back to it and then decided that I was wasting far too much energy on it - it is what it is, I can't agree with it, I can't align to it.....but equally, I can't influence it either......so choosing to let it go.

Onto much much more important things - you. Unsurprisingly you're not giving away too much.....and I'm not asking for it. I just want you to know that whatever limited things we can do for you then please ask. I've been worried about you for days mate.......and I know I can't influence that either.....but I choose what I worry about based on whether the person involved is worth my worry.

Really hope that you, the good lady and the family are managing to deal with things......you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Night Yoda,

Mr B

evening diary

thanks for the kind words mrB i am truly humbled.

So I am sat writing on my sons laptop, the broadband fitted, I waited in this afternoon, the appointment scheduled between 12 and 6 pm the fella turned up at 6.30!!! still he got the job done and now I won't have to be restricted to library hours for my Gamcare medicine.

I got all excited to see the threads of three long standing members at the top of the forum tonight upon logging on, alas no contribution from themselves but good to see there names at the top of the forum, brought me back to when I started here, they along with a few others were the regular contributors to many threads, still time moves on, I hope recovery serves them all well.

So reflecting today upon the damage I have caused my liver, due to my own actions in life my liver has suffered greatly, through my gambling addiction I never gave a hoot about my health, it was just a long way down a list of unimportant things, outweighed by me looking to either gamble,formulate a punt or lie my way out of the carnage gambling had waged.

I never visited a dentist in twenty years unless it was for an extraction as I let the tooth in question rot like a pear, living on pain killers, without a word of a lie I could eat two packs of pills in a day,this happened on no fewer than 8 occasions, i have no back teeth left and the issue each one lasting months at a time, ontop of some prescribed medication, which consisted of 1600mg of brufen alone!! then add the years of recreational drugs to the sessions were a bottle of scotch would be opened and I would not stop until it was empty.

I smoked a pack of cigarettes at work, then at home the same, not going to bed until I emptied the packet, my whole life has been all or nothing.

I have worked more 17/18 hour days than not, in which i would not stop to eat, just grab ten minutes pre service to smoke back to back to back cigarettes, sleep came in no more than three hours for nearly twenty years, either through the lack of time for it or prevention through my brain working overtime to explain the latest bout of losses.

So in short my gung ho nature has caught up with me, I lived a life of excess for twenty years, I risked my own health into the bargain

Funny because recovery has brought me to look at all the aspects of my life, I don't through abstinence have to work silly hours, chasing earnings to chase losses, my health is important, without it what will I have???

With honesty tuesday was a wake up call.

My mum lost her own father before he was 40, heart attack I believe

I was told if I carry on living the 'lifestyle ' my body has endured a heart attack will be only a portion of my problems.

My liver can't cope, my cholesterol is off the chart along with my blood pressure and lier scores, urates and the like.

So sympathy I don't want, a kick straight into my backside.

I have changed my life, now it seems I will change my lifestyle for good.

This further confirms to my mind

Gambling is a waste of time,my time.

Today I made a choice, my chice enabled me again to look forward to what tomorrow brings.

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back

The mac household is today with the 21st century Lol

Darts tonight, great t otype and watch, to think on the 23/01/2012 the day I came here I did not know how to turn a computer on!!

abstinence the gift that keeps giving

Duncan I know you don't give a toss about me these days and that's your perogative.

I do however regardless have sympathy with your health situation. As you know I too have liver problems.

Health is paramount.

Hiya dunc just dropping in. Glad ya laptops all set up and ready to go. Sorry to hear your health is not to fantastic but your doing the right things now, as you say making the right choices. It's never to late to change any aspect of our life's and you've certainly moved your life on over the last couple of years. Glad to read your still as upbeat as ever and continuing to drive forward. Take care.

Morning Dunc.

How are you? Sorry to read that you are having some health issues. Best wishes for the days and weeks ahead.

Although I don't post as often, i still read your diary on a daily basis. Continued best wishes and don't let the b******s grind you down!!!

Hi Duncs,

Just read your health update. And, yes, I guess you know what you have to do now. But, if there was anyone up to the challenge I know that person is you. Why? Because you are as Volcano once said, "top chap". I mean it Duncs. Your journey, your outlook on life, addiction, and recovery has been a constant source of inspiration for me and so many others, and for that, I want to send you a huge hug and big THANK YOU! -joanxxx

afternoon diary

thanks for the kind words folks, they are truly humbling, from them my resolve to keep making the right choice grows.

Captain to say 'i don't give a toss about you' is way off the mark,I accept that we are simply chalk and cheese in our opinions, neither of us are going to change that, why should we?? we both believe in our recovery paths and those opinions founded through them, so for me I made a decision based on that to no longer contribute to your thread because I believe it is not only of a potentially damaging outcome to ourselves but also that of others, that said I wish you well and accept your sentiments on that self same issue.

So today I believe the gambling industry has wheeled an Elephant into the room by way of the new regulations it is introducing.

I was listening to the radio this morning whilst making the lunches and it was announced on the news, Breaking no ground breaking technology.

So I listened intently, and personally I was dismayed at what I heard.

The gambler will set their own levels, regarding spend and time limits and the staff will be alerted if the customer spends £250.

So if you were a normal non addicted person listening to that you may be led to believe the industry has a handle on things.

Couple that with what I have subsquently read regarding these issues and the fact that an independant survey says the average spend on an fobt by each customer is less than £8

you may think we the compulsive gambler have got no more worries.

Well frankly these measures are floored then floored and then floored some more!!!

if I could set my own limits would I be a compulsive gambler??? let me think!!!!!!

If the staff had a warning regarding my spending would I not just move to another of the machines??? after all even the smallest of shops carry four of them!!

How did the industry come up with these measures, I am pretty sure not one compulsive gambler was spoken to.

My reason for writng this is I am sure someone from the gambling industry reads this forum and want to rationally add my two pennith.

This will I believe again drive the addiction that is the compulsion to gamble further underground.

It is in my opinion the gambling industries dirty little secret and they want it kept that way, oh and to boot the fobt is a goldmine for the bookie, who are they trying to kid???

So no doubt I will as an outed, wear my addiction on my sleeves fella be questioned on the matter by many folk in due course.

For me it is quite simple

These measures are purely window dressing and thanks for the Elephant mr gaming industry.

One day I hope the real issue will be brought to the table, that children will be at school educated about the risks of gambling alongside other addictions and public health matters.

I have said many times here that if something helps one person overcome their addiction then I will fully endorse it.

Today I believe these measures won't help a soul, just isolate more folk to suffer in silence.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO BET today

Stepping forward never back.

Just catching up and love your attitude to health problems and that is half the battle believe me.

Completely lost a report I had written on my computer at work yesterday and told by several of the younger ones that the fun I had in the sixties is catching up as senility approaches, doesn't stop them partying themselves though.

Just feel that as you have developed an open mind in respect of your defences against gambling it has opened your mind to all other aspects in your life which will help you accept any changes you need to make.

Agree totally with response to new regulations. I only have to think of how devious I was when gambling to gain money to see how easily anything can be circumvented with so much access to machines and bookies and even on line.

For me just an indicator of how gambling is deemed by those in power to be the least important area of addiction leading on to much less support being provided to those affected and as you say a lack of education in schools as to the dangers.

All I can do at the moment is spread the word and ensure that the yp I work with are encouraged to speak out if they feel any threat from gambling when talking to them about addiction.

See you are doing the same with the newby's on here, just so sad to see there are so many of them at such a young age.

xxx

DMac,

As always some very honest and heartfelt posts. I hope your health issues are resolved quickly. I imagine you as a warrior and no doubt you will battle through anything that is chucked your way.

The new regulations on the roulette machines are a complete and utter joke. They would be a total waste of time to me.

Keep up the good work and keep fighting every day.

Tomso.

Hi Duncan,

Glad to see you're still fighting and on the right track in beating gambling. I too was listening to a debate on BBC radio about this the other day, and like you I think it will make a grand total of zero difference. I remember how I was during a gambling session, and when those little chat boxes from the casino would pop up I really wouldn't want to talk to them at all, whatever they had to say. For me, I think the tunnel vision of the compulsive gambler will only get more gambling shop staff yelled at or politely told to mind their own business.

Anyhow, keep fighting and I hope neither of us will ever be tempted back from the straight and narrow.

Ryan

Hi Mate just catching up on a few diaries and I read about your recent results. Sorry the news could have been better, yet you came across with resolve that you're going to make important lifestyle changes to better the situation. Not being engrossed in gambling allows us to make these decisions. My cholesterol is 8 at the moment and I have to have my liver looked at pretty soon so it could be salad and sardines for both of us from here on in.

I agree the so called 'reforms' championed by the betting industry are useless and don't address core problems.

Take care Duncs

Laz

evening diary.

Thanks for the kind words Steve and ryan, it would seem that the elephant in the room has gone down like a lead balloon with those it's supposed to be helping, that said I maintain that any regulation is too late for me and many others, gambling, the futile act of it is something that simply has no place in our lives,because we know the outcome of feeding our addiction

More f*****g misery.

I was a whirlwind of thoughts today, for me in a healthy way, today I recognise that my personality has always deemed that if someone I don't respect tells me I should not be doing that, or thinking that way, the result is I will go out of my way to do the opposite.

With gambling this repeated itself on a constant cycle all through my gambling life, folk lent in my ear, had a kind constructive word that my hard earnt could be used in a much more productive way, did I listen Did I f**k.

It took a chain of truly chatastrophic events for the penny to drop so to speak.

Today I think the thick skin can be used to my advantage, take the news of the new regulations for example, before that would be a red rag to the bull by the fact I would have gone out of my way to beat the system, without doubt doing my boll#ocks in the process, not to mention the time I would have wasted doing it.

Today I let the numbers run wild in my mind.

The ABB state on there website that there is only 0.9% of the 8 million folk who enjoy gambling who have a problem, developed by themselves not the industry, this the only fact I do accept.

So that means if my maths is right there is 72000 compulsive gamblers known to the gambling industry, that figure alone is staggering but for me there are other figures which frighten me more.

So if there is 72000 cg's at it then they say on average have 4 folk in there lives that have had their lives f****d by association then that gives 360000 folk who are directly being affected by compulsive gambling and the effects of it.

The issue for my thinking is if this the compulsive gamblers the industry knows about then what actually is the true figure??

How many lives are feeling the devestation that gambling addiction wages??? because through my own recovery this addiction is seen as a taboo, it is too often kicked under the carpet, not recognised by many, not accepted,talked about it really is a dirty little secret.

I understand this, the bravardo that I carried about my own secret for twenty years, the fact I dare not tell anyone, because I thought I would be deemed a loser.

Truth is all the time I gambled I was.

A loser.

It does'nt hurt to write that anymore, because today I understand for me what it feels like to win, to beat the odds, resist the many temptations in front of me, to accept my personal flaws and through this actually WIN

I think of those figures I write today because they truly build my resolve, my relentless pursuit to remain a winner.

For me it is truly unacceptable to place a bet in any form, because for me to gamble in any form promotes acceptance in my life that gambling is ok for me.

Truthfully it's not, I revert to that old type too easily, that I will do what I want, yes there is part of me that will always want to run to the nearest bookies and throw my money and that of the folk I hold dear into an fobt and f**k the outcome, I accept that it is there, for that reason I have to let the rational side of my brain take control, be aggressive towards the addictive side tell it where to f*****g go.

My diary serves that purpose, it works for me.

I am so proud when folk write that my diary inspires/helps them, that is the most wonderfull by-product of recovery for me, if you look after number one for the first time in your life like me, then to be able to share the journey with like minded folk, feed off them, share and learn is the most amazing thing.

So today I celebrate another winning day, a tandori chicken in the oven for supper(that has had 36 hrs in a marinade) and I get to share that with my beautiful wife and our amazing kids, they too won today, (except Joe who I duffed up on the dartboard lol) we don't feel like survivors today, we sit and feel like winners

Sarah is enjoying a glass of red, me a ginger beer, a fiery one at that!! and long may this feeling continue

Abstain and maintain

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler NO bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Thanks for your support duncs,your a good bloke.

Sorry to read of your health issues,it brings everything into prospective,lifes too short.

Regards the new guidelines for bookies,are they being serious?? They are laughable,ridicilous. The answer is simple,lower the bloddy stakes to a pound a spin to cater for the 99% of gamblers who just enjoy the lovely feeling of throwing money away.

0.9% problem gamblers,wota joke. - they want to ask the staff at every bookies and the familys of cg's who has a gambling problem- near the 50% I rkn!

Sorry for the rant.

Enjoy your sunday,were taking the stabilisers of my little girls bike for the first time this morning,what can be more fun than that!

Keep up the good work dunc

Morning diary

Robby fella that post raised a huge smile, for it thanks.

those numbers are laughable yes, but I will not get angry about them, truth is it won't affect my life, figures are often window dressing in my mind, you can bend them to suit what you want folk to believe.

Take my entire gambling life, I would share all those wins with everyone, always talking up the win, funny papering over the huge holes the losses gave, but the old charlie big potatoes would not allow that would they!!!

I have learnt the valuable lesson that what folk do is up to them, sometimes my own hard line stance has come across it seems as I would vilify anyone who has a punt. Truth is it does not matter to me if folk gamble,it wont affect my life, but first hand I know what effects gambling can and does have on life, so I write from the heart, it is a belief that has come from abstinence.

The removal of the 'gambling goggles' has shown me what a waste of time gambling is.

today I awoke early, our daughter turns 18 in two days, off to pick up a gift for her this morning, a top up on my resolve first, my gout this morning in overtime!! maybe like my gambling life which progressed massively towards the end of it's life, the Gout knows the medication is coming!!

So before the trip to the shop, I get to watch my whippets Fly!!lol mind you judging by the smell coming from them, they are powered by venson sausages this morning!!!

roast later, another family celebration

Why??? Why not today we are winners!!

The stake f**k all except a belief in myself and the fact that my life is amazing without gambling in it!!!! because I no longer waste any time!!

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler no bet today

Stepping forward never back.