Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs

Thanks for your lovely words it means a lot to me.

Have a lovely day gambling free Ofcourse and keep adding to those sometimes tough days of abstaining and maintaining.

Take care

Suzanne xx

morning diary

Not beenabout for a few days a combination of the laptop not complying and me not being at all well,I have had a virus of sorts,a visit to the docs for some anti biotics and I have laid under the radar so to speak.

Still feeling a bit better today and am not working the weekend so I will be fighting fit for monday and the start of the xmas functions next week!!! yes xmas comes early to the world of catering,no wonder turkey won't be featuring again this year at home lol!!
Well the truth is it will feature,boxing day cold cuts,my favourate meal of all the festive meals,leftovers!!!

I noticed logging on this morning a new influx of folk seeking help,some old some new members,for me the sad fact is many are very young,but hey this dirty addiction is not prejudice,it takes all givers,it will continue to do so until the giver has had enough.

I hope the new members stick around to see what an amazing gift recovery is.

For me my resolve to abstain and maintain fed for the day,thank you all

My name is Duncs no bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for your message, and for your ongoing support that has helped me reach 200 days, which to be honest, some days are very tough, but I come on here and see sense lol.

Hope you feel better soon, my OH has a bad cold too, typical when he is on hol from work.

Very pleased to read you are getting stronger and stronger abstaining and maintaining every single day.

You are an inspiration to us all.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hi Duncs,

I hope that you are feeling better soon. Enjoy the rest. It sounds like you have got a busy few weeks ahead of you!

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Duncs,

Happy to see you on the threads but, sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Get better soon eh? I have exchanged some personal email addys and am thinking that I got the connection I felt I was missing. I am discovering that I actually suck at letter writing. I start a letter, and then crumple the darn thing start again, and then say I will get back to it. I was saying to Dragonfly that when I was a kid I could spend hours writing and singing and drawing... For whatever reason, it's hard being in my own head these days hence the continued urge to run away. A constant struggle it seems. Anyway, I am not gambling and that's a good thing. I am thinking of you and Sarah. I have tucked your letter into my box of letters and favorite things. I still might write one yet. I wonder if it is selfishness that gets in my way.. I hope not but, it could be. It could just be... -joanxxxx

Thanks for the post duncs, it's felt like a good year for me in general but that's only because I hadn't suffered a major gambling loss,until last week! The reality is it's been anything but good as I haven't managed to stop. It's just the fact I haven't lost for most of the year. But 19k in 17 days is a wake up call and part of me is pleased it's happened. It's a sad state of affairs when it takes something like this but I haven't hit rock bottom yet and I'm determined not to. Once again thanks for your input and congratulations on your ongoing recovery.
ron

Morning Diary.

I often read the forum and find myself asking the question 'do you have to lose everything to recover from this addiction?'

because the truth is I know that the question is being asked by my own Addiction.

Addiction is whispering in my ear, 'see those good folk are getting there slice of pie and are getting away with it'

it is the mexican stand off,addiction clinging onto the hope that my old mindset will return,the good old oh well fookety f**k it,bring on the self gifted mind f**k!!! Then the rational side saying well actually I kind of like the way things are,you know the hard earned in the bank,debt being furnished,f**k we don't have single ply toilet rolls any more,the shi#te is dealt with in a manner befitting to it's worth!!!

See that is it for me,I know I had a very 'lucky' escape,f**k I put myself up there with the greatest escape artists in history.

Because by rights I should have lost it all,the family,house,job and dare I say it life.

I took it to the wire,I actually had to rely on the decisions of a judge to keep it all,all that I professed to hold dear.

I can tell you today I know what it felt like to be powerless,to actually have lost any control over my own life,to actually have so little self worth that suicide was possibly the best option,to have beaten myself into such a place where I stole my own son's paperround money to fund a bet and still found justice in it,still be able to live with myself through commiting such a terrible act of betrayal.

But still addiction stands on my shoulder and dares to tell me that 'it aint over yet' it is reduced to trying to justify it's presence through the pain written on these pages,it tries in vain to tempt me back, why??

Because that is how life is,for all my adult life,all the life where decisions have been mine to make,addiction has played the lead role. The truth today is my addiction cannot get over that loss,it can't bare to think I am done with it.

It is a double edged sword,if I turn my back on recovery to rid my mind of this thinking,these thoughts I know all to well the path it leads me down,one I give my all to avoid.

So I stay,I stand tall,I understand how the tables are turning,that addiction is weakening,my rational side of my mind gets a victory every time addiction tries to use a case from this forum to justify why gambling is ok.

Yes that comes with a price,my mind is filled with great sadness that folk are still being held by their own addiction's upper hand,but I know through experience that only one person holds the key,the addict themselves.

Today I proudly hold mine,because I know and respect what it takes to do so,maybe I am a fully paid up member,maybe all those losses financial and emotional bought my subscription.

My name is Duncan I am a recovering compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi duncs, i read a lot of your posts on here but have not yet taken the time to congratulate you on your progress to date. A true inspiration to everyone. Someone who people can aspire to. If only everyone who visits here can F**g themselves in your place - now that really would be amazing!

Yo,

Needed to comment , that sometimes it easy to forget that you struggle with this addiction as much as the next joe . Because you always post with your cup half full and seem to display a strength that holds those demonds at bay . It is then difficult to relate that you experience the same urges , temptations that we all do, through reading a post , when your under stress , overworked or just a bit below par .

So today my friend I raise my gambling free shake right back at ya , coz i am honoured to take this journey with you , knowing that you are walking in the same shoes as the rest of us even if you do not write about it as much as the rest of do .

Doffing my cap

Shiny xxx

Hi Dunc's... doffing my cap also. Well done on your continued abstinence and the glass half full attitude to life.

I like reading your anology on my diary about the train speeding up towards the cliff and then averting total disaster at the last moment as we run out of (or very very nearly run out of) access to money. I liken it to a form of slow self torture. Its like turning the screws, then undoing the screw a few threads only to then to tighten them again and so the merry go round continues. Looking back I have been this way my whole adult life. It is time to change.

Once again well done on your continued committment to recovery and support others in there's. Regards... S.A

Hi Duncs,

Wow.....such a powerful post and thank you so much for sharing. I feel your pain and frustration towards this addiction. You truly are the best at understanding and explaining how it works. Devil will always be lurking in a corner, i find it scary thought sometimes. ..but it is what it is and i know i hold that key also and am responsible for my actions.. the key for freedom and peace...key for life. I am so proud of you and really respect you my friend. Walking the walk alongside you is truly something amazing, the inspiration you share is priceless. Today i stand tall next to you, today my armour won't get even scratched...because i choose to starve the addiction and know i am not the only one in this quest.

Thank you once again for sharing. Keep up the good work Duncs

Sandra xx

Hi Duncs,

As Sandra said a very powerful post, thanks for sharing and continuing to inspire us all.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Hi Duncs,

Thanks as always for your post on my diary. I hope that you are having a good day.

Best wishes

Dave

Hi Duncs,

Dropping by cause am slightly worried...haven't heard from you for a while. Hope all is good and you are just too busy with work at the min.

Keep stepping forward my friend, truly huge inspiration for all of us here.

thank you so much for your unconditional support on here and behind forum walls...

Day at a time, proud to walk alongside you.

take care

S x

Despite being on here since December I have not spent much time reading diaries. As you have left so many useful posts on my diary I have just spent four hours reading yours. You have filled me with hope Duncan, you have done incredibly well and have such a refreshing outlook on this addiction. Theres so much that I can relate to, and so much interesting information. The old Dunc was wasted, you have so much to offer as a person, a dad and a husband. Thanks so much for the time spent posting on my diary and offering me your invaluable advice.