Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's,

Well done my friend on your year and your continued inspiration to others.

Thanks for stopping by my diary in good times and bad.

Warm regards... S.A

Morning diary

thanks for all the kind words folks,they do gift my resolve more than you will all ever know.

So last night I could not access the forum,it seemed to have shut down for the night,I hope the glitches are worked out soon as I do worry that there will be a day when someone who needs help won't get it and that would be a truly terrible thing.

So I passed through my years continued abstinence,put a few demon's to bed and move on.

The only thing that did not go to plan was my tattoo,but the truth is it can wait a week or two,the fella who is doing it had an emergency and he is worth waiting for so I just move on,the money for it nicely tucked away out of addictions reach!!!

So a few days rest for me,my body took a real hammering over the past six weeks or so and with the festive season upon us I know I have to give my body time off,if not the outcome will not be good for anybody,most importantly me.

I know what is important today and without looking after myself I know there is f**k all chance of me looking after anyone else,so I will gift myself some rest both in my body and mind.

Sarah has returned to work today,with a raging toothache!! the crown she had fitted is playing up,I hope she got an appointment with the dentist,it made me remember an occasion in my gambling life where we couldn't afford for her to see a dentist and she drank a bootle of cheap whiskey to try and numb the pain and was really sick and passed out through the alcohol and the pain,all because I had spent my wages gambling.

f*****g sh#itt##y thing to do,but the truth is through our life together Sarah has missed out on many things,most of which are every day things,things hard working folk deserve no less.

The realisation that addiction,a progressive addiction that waged havoc upon all my family is something today I understand I do well to remember.

Another block,another punch back in addiction's face.

Another day in truth I am humbled by my wife's unconditional love.

Something I fully understand the value of today.

All made possible by my taking a choice

Abstain and maintain

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs, and thanks for your support, it does mean a lot to me.

And thank you for reminding me what we could not give on everyday life essentials, because all our money had been wasted on that compulsion, that horrible hideous selfish destruction that is gambling.

My OH had had to go without so much of normal and essential things, because of my addiction, funny how sometimes situations pop up into our lives, and then brings back the awful memories of when we were in the oblivion of gambling, where nothing else mattered. But that is positive for us to be reminded, it makes us more determined and less complaicement, we need a jolt every now and then to remind us to keep abstaining and maintaining one day at a time.

I understand you needing to recharge your batteries, as you say if you can't look after yourself you can't look after your family.

Enjoy your well deserved rest, and keep winning.

Suzanne xx

Hi Duncs,

I seem to have missed the boat with congratulations on reaching your year's gamble free, hope the rest and recuperation today is also going down a treat! Is this going to be your first tattoo or have you had any done previously? It's going to be on there forever, so it is best to wait for someone you trust with the needle rathern than throwing the cash at someone you're not so confident with.

You've embraced your recovery with such vigour that I'm not surprised to see many people offering their support back to you with the congratulations, it really is well deserved, I know your inspiration and positivity has been very helpful for me.

On another note, your story about Sarah sort of rang a bell with me, but not for the same reasons. Look after yourself well so you can keep looking after your family well too. During the Christmas holidays around ten years ago, I came down with an abcess, and by the time I started looking, there was no emergency dentist available. By New Year's Eve it was complete agony, and finally got told I could get treatment on the 2nd of January. I took the same route of cheap whisky, then my dad's Southern comfort, sloe gin, and eventually everything else with alcohol I could find in my parents' house to numb the pain. When I did eventually get in to the dentists, I imagine he winced at breath that wafted up at him. By the time he asked me if I wanted to try and save the tooth or have it extracted, with a mouth that was numbed with anaesthetic and drool rolling down one cheek, I practically yelled 'Get the f*****g thing out!'.

All the best

Ryan

Evening diary.

Good to hear from you ryan, fella I have many tattoos, I was going to post a picture of my very first one from over twenty years ago but my eldest boy in his wisdom has taken a picture and posted that instead!

He states I look like marcelo the footballer. I said before I have grown my hair for 11 months now, I had previously shaved my head once a fortnight.

It is amazing the difference in reaction from folk, they don't cross the road anymore.

Plus it gifts folk a smile, no more so than in the hair products ilse in the supermarket when I asked for something to thicken it up lol!.

So here I am in the flesh.

Feel free to copy and self exclude me from your local bookmakers!.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Mr Mac

Fantastic post, i still laughing, Marcello ???

Good to see the man who gives so much to others, oh and i love the line "feel free to copy and self exclude me"

Take care of yourself, Dark Place

Hey mr. Mac..awesome post!! And the pic :))) lol..i remember you telling me about your hair but hell man i didn't expect that! Good to put a face to the words, thanx for sharing. I thought of putting my pic on but i guess Halloween is over 😀 . Anyway, really pleased for you and proud to walk the walk alongside you. Keep making the right choice. S x

Morning Duncs,

Like you I am discovering that I am not a digital aged gal! It took me all of this time just to figure out how to log on!! I just want to thank you for your letter and I do plan on writing back. I am not in the best of places at the moment but, P and I are not gambling and have discovered a new found strength and commitment to abstain altogether. I will try to explain more when I write. For now, congratulations on that year. I hope to be able to say the same in a year's time. Something has changed inside of me and it has changed for the better. I cant explain it... Take care Duncs and here's a wave and a hug to your Sarah! -joanxxx

afternoon diary

thanks for the kind words,I guessed my hair would not be what most folk expected lol,the truth is I love it!!

I am going to grow old disgracefully !!
So another couple of days off to enjoy,the rest does me the world of good I know and our baby boy turns sixteen in two days so tomorrow I will knock him up a nice cake and finish off the chores about the house that needed doing,fitted the last of the door handles today,f**k it's only been about six months since the painting was finished lol!!

Our Ade would be so proud I even chisseled a new fixing into one door!! f**k in my previous life Sarah would have come home to a door in bits in the garden lol,well who am I kidding that would have only been if I had have done my bo##lloc#ks early in the bookies!!

Days off used to be so stressfull,the wait to get everyone out of the house so I could hit the bookies,the loss that would ensue,the walk of shame,the lies and deceit that would follow,the merrygo round of ever increasing worthlessness I put on every thing in life that was not wrapped up in a punt!!

And all to show myself I was a Winner!!

Today I know what winning entails,for me that is accepting defeat,there is no shame in admitting I lost to gambling all I was prepared to lose. It means I have closure in my own mind,in fact it means again I own my mind.

Yes addiction comes knocking,we know that accept it will be ever present,but as a part of my life which plays less of a part in my life.

gambling tried to break me,in fact it did,but today I know it is weaker than recovery,because with worn out tools it made me.

It gifted my life back.

For that I owe a huge debt of gratitude

My name is Duncs I am a comulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs,

Along the same thought lines, I'd probably say Don Goodman or maybe David James. Although I have curly hair, I can't get the upwards volume for a bit of an afro like that, mine just gets so long, and then starts growing downwards instead. Just spotted the picture feature, added my own mug in my best "always winter and never Christmas" expression!

You're clearly better around the house than me, my lounge has two fixtures with three bulbs each, and they've been gradually going out in the past 18 months since I bought a big batch of bulbs last. I'm down to two working bulbs, but I figure I can wait for at least one more to pop before I get them all replaced!

Keep up the good work mate,

Ryan

Evening Diary

well it is great to put a few faces to the names,the only good thing to come from the new look forum,I have not been able to access the pages or my own thread for a few days,the moderators did email me for which I am thankfull.

Still gave you all a break from my ramblings no doubt lol.

So I have three days off now,some more r&r before the Turkey and tinsel begins,so I have been catching up with the great tv I have been missing out on the highlight

Dickering!!!! my dear friend Joan I want to come to the states and live!!! what a fantastic way of life,no greater way to live than to barter,money given it's true place in the community,the real folk given their true value, fantastic!!

Oh and topped up upon my wit,courtesy of Mr sugar,lol, the best htis week 'flannels are for the bathroom not the boardroom'

Flannels!!!!!!!!!!!!!! who uses a flannel any more!!

So our baby boy turned 16 yrs old yesterday, we did have a laugh, I said it used to be a pathway to legal smoking lol,not that I had waited I was a hardened smoker a couple of yrs previous!! Not any more I hasten to add,today I am a non smoker and glad of it,boy the cost is frightening!!

So our baby boy applied for his licence,his 50special Vespa awaits for him once he has completed his cbt,he got his crash helmet yesterday to which I have caught him self modeling a few times!!

An old pal from schoolcame around today,he is going to fit a new set of garage doors for me which will give a secure place to store the scooter at night,we had a good catch up and again my honesty about my addiction served to gift my resolve.

Today I embrace recovery because I understand what it offers LIFE.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler,enjoying recovery

Stepping forward never back

Hey Duncs, great post my friend and so good to see you in such a good place...only because you keep making that choice to better your life with each passing day. Huge well done and keep up good work. Life is for living and enjoying it to the full. What else we can ask for? Stay safe and connected. S x

DMac,

Hi buddie, great to read that you continue to do well and get the very most out of your recovery.

Tomso.

Evening diary.

Well I had a melt down half an hour ago.

The forum crashed and the honourable SA had posted a post I dread.

Fella I hope you are looking after yourself, there are many good folk who care a great deal.

Tomso great to hear from you.

And I would like to believe that the forum has gifted back through Stephen's thread.

Fella I salute you.

Today I made a choice

To live, embrace life.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Duncan

It's always good to read your still in such a strong place and gifting your knowledge onto others along the way , as your last posts highlights the dangers no matter how long we are in recovery , the new look forum is great yes a few teething problems but that's to be expected myself changing into a bird overnight for one lol , it is good to put a face to a thread I think we are at different ends of the scale in the hair department lol , funny you should mention bout the car repairs as the mot is due in a few weeks fortunately this time put some money aside so won't be going there again with that one

Hope Sarah and the family are all ok and looking forward to a great Xmas

Castle2