Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Afternoon Dunc

As ever many thanks fo your posts.

34 days... not long now mate.

Best wishes,

gazza

Hi Duncs,

Just catching up with ya diary.

Very happy your liver seems ok...another less thing to worry about.

Catching up was looking for how Sarahs night out went....couldn't find anything....update?

Before Sarah posts her thoughts on your diary can you put a spoiler alert so I can grab a box (case) of cleenex please cos i'm guessing i will need them....I'm a soppy sod!

Its an amazement how your life has turned around Duncs....I totally agree...everyone should read it!

Womble....basking in my new found hapiness! x

Hi Duncan,

Thank u 4 ur continued support on my diary. It means a lot 🙂

I always read ur diary, the positivity and hope I get from it keeps me going. I am sooo proud of u 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xx

5 more sleeps 🙂

Hi Duncan

Thanks so much for the continued support. I'm nightshift at the weekend and I plan to read your story. You seem so positive, I'll be looking for pointers!

Got Paddy's coat. Ended up at a "real" shop as I wasn't sure about sizing. He'll be so handsome 🙂

Thanks

Irene

x

Evening diary

thanks for all the great posts.

Today i have been thinking alot about the impact we the compulsive gambler leave on folks.

It pains me to think what Rach is going through, still looking for answers.

I have put in a 15 hrs day today at work, my knees are smashed,i am worn out, but two hard days to grind through.

I posted on her diary today that i think about gambling each and every day of which i do. But not about going back at it, i beat myself up about the folk at it, the wave they cause.

As for my higher power, i am deeply unreligious so this i found my own way, my relationship with money used to be to turn it straight into gambling tokens, today Sarah looks after the money,we jointly decide how to use it.gambling simply is not an option, why??because we work d**n hard for our pennies so why gamble them??

I don't rely upon will power,that would be suicidal.

I now have an informed opinion.

So my higher power is education.

Today i learn, as i will tomorrow.

For sure i reap what i sow.and today i better my tomorrow.

Why because today i did not succumb to that devil that sitss

upon my back.

He will be there for life.

Today i won!!

As a compulsive gambler that feeling is amazing.

And that is were i strive to be

abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

33 days countdown clock.

Yo,

You know Duncs , just wanted to send you hug ,

Not cos its Xmas just because you have always been there , and helped me to get me get some balance in my life . Your posts sort of do that , I so get the education thing , every day we grow , every day we are learning different behaviours , in my mind we are beating the addiction .

So yep abstain and maintain, whilst at the same time grow as a person, educate yourself as to what you need to do to be a better a person than you were and as you say live in harmony .

I hope from the bottom of my heart you have the bestest Christmas you have ever had , got a funny feeling you will, and NO fairy dust to make it happen .

You did it yourself mate , took the bull by it horns and did what needed to be done . For that I raise my shake , doff my cap , respect to you my fav chef , respect !

Shiny xxxxx

Morning diary

Thanks shiny, nice to hear from you.

Well yesterday started at 4am !!! Lol Sarah and i went and did our xmas food shop, wonderful i know how celebrities feel lol had the place to ourselves.lol.

Then had a massive prep day at work,ready for the weekends trade.

Off to work shortly hope to see bed for a couple of hrs tonight then tomorrow brings an end to the turkey trot for another year.

Sarah finished yesterday for a fortnights well earnt rest and my mum is due Monday for a lovely few days.

Sarah and i had a good chat last night.

She had spoken to her friends this week, fearing that it felt things are going along fantastically, and angst said it could all fall down.and as she always fears xmas,as in the want to lavish the children,and family with gifts she felt she added pressure to say we could not afford it all.

This also gave her angst as she thought it would then be her fault!!

A year ago i would have charged off to chase the pipe dream, and simply made it all worse.

Yesterday we had a cuddle and i explained, i do see were these thoughts come from,but rest assured there is the blocks in place, to which i know are breakable but give me time, time to, if my resolve got broke to make me see that gambling is not the answer.

I can see that this stems from the fact that she reads the forum and has seen many slips and new posters of late.

This i can see is the polar opposite to our thinking.

The compulsive gambler takes resolve,learns from others mistakes, the supporter of the compulsive gambler sees it as danger,sort of like we cue up in line until we lose our resolve and go back at it.

To bridge the gap we talk with frank open honesty,for me i don't want to lose anymore,11 months tomorrow i have been on an amazing winning streak, not a days loses, and with irony that's why we go at it!!!!

Gambling beat me, with that i gave it all and more,i can't change that, i accept my loss.

I will win again today, through hard graft,nothing more needed and through this i hope my Sarah can put that angst to bed. I "quit" gambling many times during the twenty years we have been together.

This folks is with honesty the first time in recovery.

I see recovery as a lifetimes work to which each day i thank my choice from the previous day as it allows a choice today.

Nobody said it would be easy,but one thing i do know is it is a great deal better with honesty.

Today my education continues,without regret, but with excitement.

Duncan mcquilken compulsive gambler. No bet since 23/01/2013.

Stepping forward never back.

Good Morning Mr. Mcquilken,

It was a joy reading your post this morning. You are an amazing man and that is all I have to say. A heart felt thanks for your inspiring words. If I do not post again until after the holidays may you and yours have a wonderful Christmas and happy new year!!! -joanxx

hi Duncs...

just been a bit on my own thread and not doing much reading in past few days...I do understand Sarahs thinking as I know I felt that way too like primed for disaster or that we had spent earned money legitamtely then i feared the chase back... and that somehow it was my fault as I was also enjoying what the money was spent on..

I think my ex lked the idea of getting something for free so if he bought something then won cash to replace it then it was like it was free.

I also was more fearful when the energy was up and what I called the "C*****e high' like at Xmas as it felt out of control and that invincible feeling was back..I could cope better with gambling if the mood was low.

Anyway....those days are long gone for you....its been intteresting reading others takes on 12 step...i guess my experience of 12 step has been through AA when the consequences of not quitting can and are physical death...so the urgency to let go and let god is greater in people.

we are all where we need to be ..always forwards and never back

R and D xx

Hi Sarah......B*****r off Duncs!

You know hun we have seen so many people come and go on here...me included. I can totally understand your insecurities regarding a slip etc....BUT.....even you must see how much your hubs is gonna beat this. I personally think you can say "without a doubt" Duncs will never gamble again.

Never has a diary been written with so much commitment, love for his kids and love for you........Sarah, I think your life is just beginning........I for one am in awe of your love for each other as a family.

Have a lovely xmas my friends.

Suexx

P.S. Duncs.... Where was Joes poem you were gonna post...did I miss it?

Mornin Duncanmac

Thanks for the post and kind words it was much appreciated , 11 months av passed and in those months every post I av read has had positivity in it so much belief ur definitely a half full glass kind a guy and that rubs off on everyone who reads ur diary and same with the so many people u support

The passion u av for ur family is there for everyone to see the openness of ur feelings the pride u av for them , they av played a massive part in ur recovery and now with this special time of the year u can return even more than u already av throughout the year giving them the best xmas ever

I know u will av a great one and that u deserve so much

Enjoy !

Castle2

Morning diary.

11 months today no bet.

Later after service i will post that poem.

For now a lunch service awaits.

Bring on the turkey lol!!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi duncs I would like to wish you sarah and the boys and the woofs a happy and peaceful christmas one that you have worked so hard for the past 11 months . Take care blondie

Hi Duncan,

I think it is gr8 that u have shared this journey with Sarah and it always makes me smile when I read ur posts about ur family, it is clear how much u adore them. U give me sooo much hope Duncan, thanks 🙂

I wish u and ur family Merry Christmas, I hope u have a gr8 day 🙂

And thank u, for all ur support on my diary thru the good and the bad times...Without ppl like u here, I would never have got this far 🙂

Have fun 🙂

Hey Duncs,

Bumping you to page one -- yep, right now things are as they should be.. take care friend.. -joan