So when I was at the height of my addiction (No idea why everyone says that including me. Height of my addiction - well it never went down so it's basically the end of my gambling), I was so numb that I only had two feelings/emotions and derivatives of them. When I won I guess I would have a sense of being happy. When I lost I was sad. When I had money I was excited, when I had none I was desperate, when I had time to gamble I was free and when I didn't I felt trapped.
If anyone asked me how I was feeling, how could I say happy or sad ? I would have to explain why and that would give the game away or lead to further interrogation and questions. So I would say I am ok. Now what did that mean. In that sense I meant OK just equated to level. I guess it represented that relief in action to simply be level. I always think the best part of gambling was to get back to level. To get out of a bad position, waste hours doing it and some how smile. There is only one level but in terms of winning or losing there is no limit so it was the only one I could feel at peace with. Anyway I digress.
So surely, in recovery, If I feel and say I am ok, especially with the tone of those words, doesn't it mean something about average and above level ? I'm ok surely means I'm feeling good, I have no worries or at least I can cope with them. Doesn't it mean I say those words with a smile, that I have hope, that I have purpose, that I am trying to be the best I can ?
So Today, I say, I am ok, and that's enough
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
