Andy's Diary

Hi andy , totally agree with what your saying , I'm a CG full stop and as such I no longer consider myself able to controll it , so for me no gamblin means just that, even if it were as some may consider a softer form of betting !

Alan

It's a tough one.

Compare it say to a drug addict who has been addicted to heroine. They kick that habit and turn their life around, but enjoy a social pint or two at the pub of a weekend. Could that person then not claim to be drug free? Because alcohol is a drug too?

For me, it's the addictive compulsive behaviour I want to rid myself of. I will quite happily play a line on the lotto each week, confident that's not going to turn into an issue. Perhaps along my recovery I'll be proved wrong. Who knows. Swapping one addiction for another is common. I could possibly turn to drugs instead of gambling in the future. I'm aware I have addictive tendencies and these are what I need to keep an eye on. I'll still consider myself X amount of days gamble free even though I play the lotto. For in my mind it's online gambling that was a problem. I'm X amount of days online gambling free - because that's what I'm choosing to tackle x

This thing is a very personal issue. I think as long as we're honest with ourselves and our loved ones and avoid self destructive behaviours there's no reason we can't all live happy lives with whatever choices we make.

Let's all help one another along.

And well done Andy, you're doing great!

Apologies for the blurb all over your diary thread hon x

I second that post Pinky 🙂

Each to there own I suppose , I know I couldn't gamble full stop , in the same way I used to smoke heavily , if I could have cut down to 10 a day great ! but that didn't work for me either , so stop it was .

I also don't think you can compare a drug addict with an alcoholic and I speak from past experience of dealing with a partner with alcohol problems .

There are many things you can't be part time at and personally I feel a CG fits that criteria .

Total abstinance is simple only one that ever worked for me

Opinions are definitely split on this one, as has been said already as long as everyone is happy in there recovery then each to there own, if folks want to gamble on certain things but cut out the problematic gambling then who are we to decide what's best for them?

I've made my thoughts on the subject known and most certainly won't preach to anyone how they should go about recovery.

We're all here for each other regardless of what stage in recovery each individual's in.

Day 268

Not posted for a while now.

I still have gambling thoughts and have said to myself quite a few times that a little bet won't harm recovery - just one bet.

And then I come to my senses and realise it would be folly to succumb, that one little bet would lead to more regardless if I won or lost.

I would lose every penny I had at my disposal because I now realise when I was gambling I could never win because I couldn't stop.

Thinking back to standing in a bookies throwing money away sickens me.

I still have my bank card but I know if I'm out for a pint or 2 with mates I can't take it with me, there's always a bookies nearby.

I only use the card for shopping and my partner keeps a close eye on the bank accounts, I seem to have a fetish just now for a certain auction site and she's constantly querying my purchases, all of them are must have items that we really need hehe.

As I'm writing this I am thinking that it's my only control of the money and I've 'got' to buy things?

mmmm, will mull that one over.

Take care all, thanks for reading and stay gamble free.

Onwards & Upwards.

284 days now.

Going back to my first few posts, I gambled and got me and my partner into bother financially, we cleared that and then we were in a position to purchase a house at a bargain price, we sold our place made a little money and our intention was to buy from family member, our mortgage was refused, I think was purely down to erratic financial history due to credit cards and being overdrawn over the years, caused by my gambling.

We were advised by the bank to build up our credit score by getting and using a credit card.

Bad move in that because I had it I maxed it out over a short space of time, again we cleared that and I came clean, joined the forum and went to GA meetings.

This week, after renting from the family member that agreed to sell to us, we are now proud owners again.

Mortgage went through and we are planning extending the property later this year.

Exciting times ahead.

Just wanted to get that down so anyone in financial difficulty can see light at the end of the tunnel, gamble free debts DO reduce, gambling only increases debt.

Take care folks and stay gamble free.

Onwards and Upwards.

289 days now.

Still having gambling thoughts, and I have my bank card, but I know my partner checks the banking apps daily, so any slip up wouldn't go un-noticed.

I've also advised her if I were to go 'missing' for a length of time to check the findmyiphone app and she can see exactly where I am, she insists I'm being daft when I mention this, but I need to convince myself that she will indeed use this, and the thought of standing throwing money into an FOBT and she comes marching in fills me with dread.

Chatrooms a bit different these days, can't quite put my finger on why, possibly just the sheer number of new forum members maybe a lot of the younger generation finding there way to the forum?

I remember frequenting bookies 20 years ago, the average age was about 60, last time I remember the gamblers were just out of school it seems?

Feeling good, I'm in a good frame of mind and relishing life in general, even work is enjoyable (!?)

Thanks for reading folks, take care and stay gamble free.

20 years ago egh ! I can remember 35 years ago when the results were marked up on a board by a woman with a beehive hairdo , no sis , Fobt's but just plenty of ciggie smoke ! Memories egh , there not all bad , glad your doing so well and keeping the precautions just in case . Nice post my friend and best wishes !

Thanks Alan, you precede me ever so slightly hehe, bookie shops have certainly changed over the years, there purely aimed at attracting new custom, nice decor, tea coffee, some even have comfy sofas, back in the day it was smoky, wooden stools and not much happening apart from a race every 15 minutes or so, now it's 100miles an hour, fobts, virtual, online terminals, on top of the normal racing, there's literally a race every minute, all geared up to feed the compulsive gamblers brain.

Sadly the clientele seem to have a lower average age than years gone by, the amount of young guys obviously just started work with money to burn frequented bookies is quite scary, I fear for them, my debt was built up over a few years as it started small stakes, these days throwing £200 into an fobt seems commonplace?

thanks for posting Alan and al the best.

Day 293.

How the heck have I managed to get this far?

Have had some gambling thoughts over the past few days.

Work has played a part, new boss now finding his feet and is starting to change routines and quite a few of us are taking bad with this.

Online chatroom has peed me off this past week also, great bunch of guys in there giving advice, but the moderators' input is a bit hit or miss? They either ignore everything or pick up on something innocent and blame a member of 'promoting gambling' and then refuse to ellaborate and then refuse to even acknowledge questions put to them from members.

I think these events have been culminating into me saying 'f*k it' and thinking about gambling thoughts, reading through folks diaries and putting some replies into some are helping me abstain.

I may speak to my partner and give her back my bank cards to ensure I don't have access to funds, and am thinking on calling the new self exclude phone number to rejuvenate my self exclusion with all the local bookies, this should ensure I don't attempt to enter any.

Thanks for reading folks .

Hi Andy you've got this far because you have put the effort in. You've been open and honest with those around you and on here.

I think it's great you are seeing the signs of gambling sneaking back into you thoughts and looking at ways to stop you acting on them. No harm in handing your card back till you feel comfortable with it again. Call that number, I called I didn't have to but someone said something at GA along the lines of its easier to put the barriers up when your in a good place So i called on my lunch and added another 35 bookies to my list. It was very easy and very satisfying as well.

I take the Chatroom like I take the forum. I focus on the parts I can help with and ignore all the irrelevant stuff as it does sometimes go of on tangents and sometimes I feel a bit of one-upmanship on the chat. As for the MOD's they should be like a good referee only seen when necessary. The promoting gambling one was bizarre to say the least and the blanking of request for some clarity was just rude.

293 days is a great effort and now some reward of getting on that property ladder it's great to see you posting around the place always good constructive posts.

KTF

Hey Andy, just read your post on the challenge thread,

Massive well done and n reaching 293 days:)).

I think there are times as we build our gamble free time up, when this addiction tries it's hardest to creep back in, as we move forwards, we strengthen our resolve by strengthening by our recovery.

Keep strong, and keep one step ahead, don't let stuff st work make you vulnerable to this addiction.

Take care of you and keep safe

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for taking the time to comment Oldham and Suzanne.

Working again today so was easy to decline an invitation to go to pub and watch cup final.

As I've explained previously these boys days out would nearly always include a trip to the bookies and old habit was for everyone to lump in £5 or so for a group bet, spoke to mate just there and they lumped on Hiberbian to win, they were favourites so just goes to show that it doesn't always go to plan.

A good day was had by all accounts, BUT there is no doubt in my mind had I been there I would have returned to the bookies to try and recoup some of what I lost, which invariably would result in multiple cash machine trips and a sour end to the day.

Work starting to pick up again, and with the lighter evenings should see me working at least a couple of nights per week and every other weekend, keeps my mind occupied and gives me no time to think about gambling.

I actually thought about visiting the bookies yesterday, quite a few newcomers to the forum are quite vocal with the fact they have an occasional bet but have cut out the problem gambling, but I'm adamant, even one little bet means you are not gamble free IMO and would only lead to the problem gambling.

Looking forward to 300 days gamble free next week 🙂

Thanks for reading folks, take care and stay gamble free.