Andy's Diary

Hi Andy such story you have shared. Well done for saying no to a football bet. it’s never easy when you are surrounded by the opportunity. i find myself in a similar position with most the people i know that gamble. Family friends they all enjoy it.

i remember a time when it was the grand national this year in fact. i went to the bookies to put bets on for me and my partner . I loved horse betting however i never really staked huge on the sport maybe 10 pound max per race. i headed into the bookmaker and i got the idea to try and win my stake money so i could place a larger bet. i told my partner the lie that i was only going to walk in and stake 2 pound for two horses (4 pound total). the horses were MANY CLOUDS and godsmejudge.

I did my balls in on the FOBT that day and lost hundreds in a short sitting. I had just enough to place 1 pound each on the horses to make it look like I had done what was said. I put both horses on and funny enough many clouds was the winner that day at over 40/1 if I had done what I had said or even said no to the bet as I was going through a recovery stage at the time only for a week or so i wish I had your strength at saying no to the bet.

Very well done with your journey. Keep on posting.

Thanks for the comments lordlucan, walking into a bookies with my bets already written out only to try a wee spin on roulette or a greyhound bet to win my stake so I got a 'free' bet, never ever worked like that.

Mostly this would involve losing what I had in my pocket and then because I had my bets written out if have to visit a cash machine to withdraw more money to chase back what I just lost and my stake for that day.

Never ending cycle.

So glad that's behind me, I'm not cured, far from it, I have accepted that the temptation willalleaysbe there, how I deal with it is keeping me strong.

Focusing on the lows of gambling is my technique just now, the thought of losing everything you had and then making up stories and lies to my partner as to how we've no money and struggling month to month, but everything was okay I was getting my fix of gambling.

The adrenaline of losing was better than winning, I'm still trying to get my head round that one.

119 days, and I feel so much better for it, family life is how it should be, rewarding and enjoyable, work is also enjoyable believe it or not as I'm not the 'scatterbrain' I used to be, all day long I'd be thinking of gambling and running permutations through my head as that big win was inevitable was it?

Thanks for reading folks and stay gamble free.

Onwards & Upwards.

121 days.

Still not returned to GA since my holiday, my partner thought it was a bad idea and I think she's just waiting on 'when' I gamble again.

Not going there, I'm trying my damnest to stay clear, I know for a fact I could enter all the bookies that I've self-excluded from and eventually I would find one that has staff who don't know my face, difference nowadays is that I don't want to gamble, yes the urges are there, more so at weekends when footballs on, but I'm not acting on them.

The combination of the self-exclusion, having no more than £5 or so at any time on me and trying to avoid routes which pass a bookies is still the main reasons for abstaining though.

Nice knowing your bank account is in the black and you have no debt, we can all be there if we put the effort in.

Thanks for reading and stay gamble free folks.

Onwards & Upwards.

133 days.

Have had money in my wallet all weekend, had shopping etc to get and the wife has been working backshifts, so had ample opportunity to gamble.

Been quite busy, visiting several supermarkets for our various bits and pieces and not once though about gambling, even managed to sneak in a Mcds for the kids.

Few months back I'd have visited a bookies numerous times over the weekend had I been sent for the shopping etc, now its good to put my feet up with a few beers and enjoy a football game on telly, not thinking about gambling and guessing the winner is making it more enjoyable to watch as a neutral again.

I'm also enjoing the online chat 8-9pm, login most nights and seeing new names is good as more and more are trying to kick this illness, offering advice is helping them and also helping myself, giving myself reminders of the position I was in whilst in the throes of gambling.

Thanks for reading folks and stay gamble free.

Onwards & Upwards.

160 days GF now.

Life is good just now, still having the odd thoughts about gambling but dispelling them so I stay GF.

Afternoon Andy I've followed your diary since u started as we started around the same time. Ive not been on chat for a while but I'm hoping today is day 181 for yourself.

Hi Jamie, not been on for couple of weeks now been really busy.

189 days now, Sorry to read about your slip, chin up and march on.

Still having gambling thoughts but I'm determined not to act on them, have been really close a couple of times but the fact I've self excluded has meant I've been unable to gamble.

Day 200.

Phew!

I can't begin to imagine where I would be right now if it weren't for this forum, the chat room, and the net line.

And even although I don't continue attending GA meetings, the meetings I did attend also helped my early stages of recovery.

Most importantly it's the fellow compulsive gamblers on here who continue to post compliments and also those who post in there own recovery diaries, I read most, if not all of them, I must make a point of returning what folks do for me, compliment and encourage as I've found it helpful, so I really will try and help others by returning the favour.

I've missed the online chat, I used to be on most nights, shifts and family commitments have meant I'm occupied most nights but I will try and log in more often.

So where am I?

I still have gambling thoughts, but I'm dispelling them as quick as they enter my head.

I've noticed these thoughts are more apparent when I'm feeling low due to work or family issues, I'm trying to teach myself to keep upbeat more, keep happy and these gambling thoughts will lessen, I know for a fact I could easily enter a bookies and if I done that when I was feeling a tad low it would be disastrous, not only financially but mentally after all this time abstaining.

I have my bank card back, but in no way whatsoever do I have financial control, my partner deals with this and checks the banking apps every other day, I have my card for emergency purposes or in case I need to pop for shopping etc on way home from work, my partner was getting a tad peed off with being the only one doing the shopping as I refused point blank to do it, I'm confident now that I can go shopping and then straight home and not dip into the money for gambling.

I'm looking forward so much to Christmas this year, kids are about to get spoiled and I'm looking forward to every minute of it, spent far far too much on them but so what? If I can't spoil my kids then who will?

Thanks for reading folks and stay gamble free.

Onwards and Upwards.

Welcome to the start of your 3rd century 🙂

I think it's great that you've been able to spoil the kids but I bet for them, it won't just be the presents...It must be lovely to have their daddy back 🙂

Don't feel pressured into posting, doing what is right for you is the single most important thing about recovery! Keep dispelling those disturbing thoughts - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT, means a lot to me when folks not only read my thoughts but actually take the time to comment.

202 days now.

Popped into chat room tonight, was a very brief visit as most members online thought it was okay to play lottery, poker and gamble on football, for me that's a big NO, gambling is still gambling no matter how small or infrequent the stake(s), folks just kidding themselves on that there gamble free when there not.

I wish them well and hope there path doesn't end in ruin.

I'm so glad I've cut out all the gambling as that little lottery ticket or scratch card would only lead me to the bookies to win back that money and that old compulsive gambler inside me would be saying 'just one bet, win your money back and then leave' - before you know it your wallets empty and your visiting the cash machine....

I'm in a real good place right now, bank balance is in the black, Christmas is all but paid for and family life is all good, gamble free I only see it getting better, one slip up is all it takes to end in complete ruin I am fully aware of that.

Take care folks, thanks for reading and stay gamble free.

Onwards & Upwards.

Hi Andy, a big well done on 202 days - fabulous. I myself was/am addicted to online slots. That is my particular demon. I have found through reading the forums that most people on here have that one certain vice they become addicted to. Some are like myself, online slots, others it's sports bets and I think for quite a few it is the FOBT's. Now, speaking for myself I have been going to bingo halls for 25 years. I have also occasionally had a yearly bet on The Grand National and the odd lucky dip on the lottery. I do not however intend to stop any of the latter three. They have never caused me problems and I know they never will. With regard to the online slots though - I cannot control myseIf or my money, so I have measures in place to take away any temptation that comes my way. I have no money in my accounts. No money = no online gambling. I do understand yours and GA's trail of thought for possibly exchanging one habit for another, but for me personally I know this will not be an issue. I guess some people, like yourself feel you cannot/will not trust yourself with any form of gambling, which obviously is your decision, no one knows you better than you! I just believe it is horses for courses and at the end of the day as long as we all support each other to rid ourselves of this awful addiction we are making progress. Teresa.

Hi Andy,

I too listened in on the chat room & heard people justifying their addiction in financial terms. I think you have to remember these are ill people whose addiction is clinging on for dear life & waiting for an opportunity to take full control again. People claiming to be gamble free for 200, 50, 20 odd days with one breath & with the next saying well i do a footy bet, the lottery, & a friendly game of poker. A cheeky pound on the races or a trip to the bingo hall because that hasnt caused me any problems. Sounds mad to me, but addiction leaves us with a very warped sense of what is sensible around our own gambling problem. GAs trail of thought isnt as suggested above, but that we have a program of principles over personality. It is very difficult to solve a problem with the mind that created it. Addicts will always find a way to justify their actions & until they are ready to accept who & what they are it is very difficult to convince them otherwise.

Day@atime - I am in no way justifying my actions, at the end of the day I have no need to. I do what I choose and I know what I need to do. This is a forum where we supposrt each other - not judge people. Most come here for support! - Not condescending remarks. As I said previusly, if one feels they cannot trust themselves to buy a £1 lottery ticket, or have a yearly £1 bet on the National in fear of wanting to chase their losses then they most certainly are best to avoid. I know I am strong enough to be able to do this. - Horses for courses!

Hi Andy,

Missed your 200 day milestone:( but getting to 203 days is even more of a great achievement.

Well done you, your hard work is paying off

OAUs

Suzanne xxx

Tizzy, I don't think anyone has a problem with users still gambling on lottery, grand national or whatever they want to for that matter.

Cutting out the problem gambling is the most important factor, BUT what I, and others it seems, can't fathom out is why they describe themselves as gamble free when they clearly are not.

Gambling is still gambling in whatever shape or form.

As I've already said, I wish these folks well and hope it doesn't end in ruin.