Andy's Diary

Day 300.

I would never have dreamt I'd be in this position a year or so ago.

Bookies and gambling was my life then, how easily we are sucked in to this world of what I now liken to quicksand.

Once your in its very hard to get out of and the longer your in the deeper you get.

Only release is with the help of others, each has there own methods of recovery but on your own I think is near impossible, if there was one piece of advice I'd offer to anyone on the early days of recovery it would be to involve someone if your grief, whether that be partner, family, GA or wherever but attempting recovery alone is folly and will only end one way in my opinion.

Thanks for reading, take care and stay gamble free.

Morning,

A fantastic achievement Andy which deserves many congratulations and a high five!!

Best wishes

A huge well done Andy for reaching 300 days gf. You should be proud of yourself for such an achievement xx

Thank you both Balvaird and tilly.

320 days now.

Not posted for a wee while now.

Gambling thoughts are less and less but I'm acutely aware of the underlying urge that could waken at any time.

Passed a bookies today and seen there Grand National poster in the window, instantly made me think of gambling, GN has seen me quite lucky over the years, but I know that being lucky on one race only leads to gambling on further races/fobts etc IF I were to abstain.

I'm NOT abstaining, difficult day ahead tomorow as weekly routine is to visit the parents on a saturday afternoon, brother, nephews,nieces etc all congregate there on a saturday, start off with cups of tea & cake and progresses onto a few beers etc depending on whos working what shift, me and my dad used to put football bets on, started off with me being sent to the bookies, then he progressed onto online, (my dad is one of those that can put £5 bet on and walk away, online slots/bingo etc don't interest him in the slightest, he loves winning and transferring his winnings into his paypal account to spend on 'useful' gadgets off of eBay!) anyhow, I digress, I used to get sent to put the bets on, and this yearly involved the Grand National, we would all pick our horses, and have a few beers watching the race.

Tomorow I need to excuse myself from visiting the bookies, 1] I've self-excluded and can't physically enter the shop and 2] I dont want to go as I know this would involve 'sneaky' bets thats my partner/family dont know about, I'd lose and then look to chase these losses, before you know it I'm at the cash machine...you all know the situation, and I'm not going there.

I've managed to avoid the works sweepie as I've been off on holiday this week, normally this is organised by me, I now realise that its another form of comulsive gambling, organising other folks to gamble, and I now see it with placing Grand National bets for folks, it gives us a buzz, GN day would see me put on anywhere from 4 to 20 bets ranging from 50p each way to £2.50 each way, handing over £100 or so to the bookies on GN bets was gratifying for some reason to me..? Obviously because I knew most would be losers..?

Anyhow take care all.

Your story is inspiring to people who find gambling a problem. I hope my diary s as successful as yours!!

Thanks mistermitch, I've posted some thoughts on your diary 🙂

So here I am now on Dusty Bin Day, not sure how many (if any) will get that one hehehe, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd make it to this stage.

Back to work tomorrow after a week off lazing about apart from a couple of wee day trips keeps kids occupied, no bookies these days see me with a clear head and clear conscience, no more lies and deceipts.

If I can get to this stage so can anyone.

Debts and relationship problems take care of themselves whilst gamble free, as you think more clearly and actually make rational decisions on things as opposed to fleeting through life at what seems like 100 miles and hour, brain scrambled with fixtures, odds, roulette wheel.

Take care folks and stay gamble free.

Well done on dusty bin day I get it and am sure Ted Rogers will as well.

Day 343.

Must admit to struggling the past couple of days now.

Having access to my bank card is burning a hole in my wallet, I really feel the urge to splash out, this used to mean losing money in the bookies, 3 figure sums several time a week.

I've resisted, but d**n its hard.

My partners been on late shifts the past few days, in the past this would give me the time to gamble, but with the bank holiday weekend I've been trying to keep myself busy with a spot of DIY and gardening, and then treating myself to a couple of beers co-inciding with my partner leaving for work.

I've done this to ensure I don't leave the house, as I would never drive after even 1 beer, and its a tad far to walk to nearest bookies and back again, (I've self excluded from every bookies anyhow).

I think its the culmination of the football season and ice hockey play-offs thats making me think gambling thoughts, I'd be placing multiple bets covering these 2 sports, and I was actually really good at picking winners, problem I had was I couldnt walk past a FOBT, any winnings went straight into there.

I have no inkling whatsoever to feed an FOBT, but I know for a fact had I visit a bookies I'd involuntarily approach one and put every penny in my pocket into it, no matter how long it took, I'd not leave until I had nothing.

There were times when I was standing there with an audience as my credit was well into 4 figures and my single roullette bet was £100, playing the big man in front of strangers, 20 second spins of £100 and very quickly the balance is at zero and your opeing your wallett again to feed this machine which MUST pay out next spin eh?

Of course it never did pay out on the next spin, or the next one...

These are the thoughts which I'm clinging to, as its these thoughts which keep me away from the d**n machines.

I loved betting on sports, and the feeling of getting a 4 or 5 fold accumulator up was great, and I still cant help watching sports and thinking I could have had him to score 1st, or I'd normally bet on them HT-FT, both teams to score etc etc.

Watching sport as a neutral is better as your enjoying it for what it is, but a 20 year plus habit is very hard to break, my fear is that one day I may just relapse.

I'm just glad my partner checks the banking apps every other day, any missing funds would be noticed, and I'd get my head to play with if there was any online gambling appearing on the bank statements.

That is whats stopping me from gambling online, theres no hiding and my partner would find out almost immediately.

Anyhow, I've had a few beers and am rambling, not even sure if anyone is reading this, but hey ho, take care all.

I'm trading Andy better to ramble than gamble.

I thought it was a great post I relate to so much of it only difference was I never touched the FOBT they scared me and k thought I was better than spin on the wheel or machine. I thought I could better on some far fling challenger tennis match between winalot and losealot. Anyhow I've had a few beers so am starting to ramble.

Great to hear from you getting close to the year with your current mentally they is no reason why that and beyond is not achievable.

KTF

Thanks oldham and deano for taking the time to leave comments, its nice to see people are reading my thoughts I'm putting down.

Busy week I've just had has ensured gambling thoughts are not at the forefront.

349 days gamble free now.

Jeezo, where has the time went? It seems to have flown in, I remember writing my first post on this site, deleting and re-writing it over and over until I was happy with.

Being honest is the key to beating this.

To anyone we affect through gambling, partners, family, workmates etc

GA, counselling, forum, no matter the outlet but when we share our thoughts and/or history we must be open and honest.

But most importantly to ourselves.

Once we are honest and open within our own minds, then we realise the folly of gambling.

As allways thanks for reading, and if I can help even one compulsive gambler to stop gambling then I feel better within myself.

Onwards & Upwards.

Absolutely devastated, I've let myself, partner, family and all you guys down.

Back to day 1 I go.

I'll share more later I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear.

Gutted Andy get back on it and back to basics you know it's possible you nearly did the year.

Chin up.

KTF

Sorry to read that Andy..you may have reset your day's count but doesn't mean your recovery has to go back to square one.

A reminder to be ever vigilant...this compulsion is only ever one bad moment away.

andy14 wrote:

Thanks oldham and deano for taking the time to leave comments, its nice to see people are reading my thoughts I'm putting down.

Busy week I've just had has ensured gambling thoughts are not at the forefront.

349 days gamble free now.

Jeezo, where has the time went? It seems to have flown in, I remember writing my first post on this site, deleting and re-writing it over and over until I was happy with.

Being honest is the key to beating this.

To anyone we affect through gambling, partners, family, workmates etc

GA, counselling, forum, no matter the outlet but when we share our thoughts and/or history we must be open and honest.

But most importantly to ourselves.

Once we are honest and open within our own minds, then we realise the folly of gambling.

As allways thanks for reading, and if I can help even one compulsive gambler to stop gambling then I feel better within myself.

Onwards & Upwards.

Was wondering due to your lack of posts and chat visits. Sorry Andy. Learn from it and don't forget to add some new barriers to your recovery. Tri

Support is here when you need it mate.

Best wishes