Angel From Montgomery

Hay Hun ,

Please try not to beat yourself up over this. We are addicts , and sometimes our ill ess gets the better of us .

Try not to give it more power , it will pull you down and try to convince you that the only way to feel better is to bet , or you might as well bet now you had done it once

Well all that is poopy c o c k. It is just the demons trying to keep you in their clutches

Me and countless others have lapsed and many more will , it is the nature of addiction. But you my love are a fighter , so dust your pretty self down ( did that sound a bit American ) and start again.

Please know we all care bout you ,

You take care and be kind to you !

Shiny xxxxxxx

Just want to reiterate the good advice David gave to Judy. You never failed Judy, you tried, you never gambled for ages, you're a success. You were brave and truthful enough to admit you had a lapse and I'm sure that bravery will enable you to keep fighting this destructive illness. Personally, I've gambled for nearly 30 years and in that time I've always tried to give up, I've had countless lapses and felt terrible afterwards. As long as you keep trying with the same determination you showed up to this point Judy I'm sure you'll be fine. Never give up, too much to lose, take care, Steve.

Hi Joan,

Sorry 2 read about ur slip. Nearly all of us trying 2 stop gambling as at least one slip. Sometimes we can learn from them!

Well done 4 coming back here and being honest that takes alot of strength. U can do this Joan, u r soooo determined 🙂

We r all here 4 u if u need us xxxxx

Thanks to (((((Blondie, Rach, Duncs, Shiny, Charlotte, Lazarus, and David)))))))for all of your unconditional support... I was feeling very, very low yesterday and your kind words meant the world to me..

G'morning Diary,

I fell down. I did not use the slip as an excuse to blow my entire bank account and folks are right; I did come directly back to my diary and not to the slot parlor. I remember one night sitting at an AA meeting back in Chicago during the early 1990's. It was a friday night and I was there with a group of people that I had met through AA. There was a man slumped over in his chair at times falling asleep and snoring during the meeting. A few of us looked over and grinned a sort of know-it-all grin at eachother. The man leading the meeting, a man I had come to love for all of the wisdom he gave me paused and then said these words that I will never forget: He said, "that man over there is you and me. That man has a right to be here -- embrace him -- he your brother." I really believe we are all here on this planet to learn something. In a moment of insanity I took the bait. I realized that external blocks are not enough for me. I need to develop better coping skills for when very old storylines come back to the surface to haunt and terrorize me. I am a survivor. I have proven that to myself time and time again. This experience has broken my heart but, as Leonard Cohen wrote " forget your perfect offerings -- everything has a *** in it -- that's how the light gets in. To anyone reading my diary, stay strong. We do this One Day At a Time. -joanxx

just read back my post and realized that the word cr ack rhymes with snack meaning a break in the surface... was blanked out.. good grief.. lol, lol, lolly d**n lol..

Hi Joan

thinking about your meetings there Joan and how a lot of real wisdom comes through those rooms...

I am really glad that I also have had my baptism through Al Anon and ACOA..(adult children of Alc) as my bedrock as I always go back to it in the really dark times...

One slogan from the room sprang to mind when I read your post.."Progress not Perfection"

In life we are all born unflawed and perfect but life has a tendancy to present us with challenges does it not?...so today you made progress Joan..you came back....you got back on your road and you throw your kit bag behind you and carry on...

Your shifting your foundations Joan and building new solid foundations for your future...and you will get there. I have every confidence..

big hugs to you....and there by the grace of god ....as they say...

R and D xxx

....ps...As Dory would say from Nemo...."just keep swimming just keep swimming" xx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmyUkm2qlhA&sns=em

Finding Nemo x

hiya Joan...

Thank you for posting and glad you like the link .lol

Had a bit of a "me against the world pit pot " moment yesterday but shaken it off today as comparisans are not helpful in recovery,

Truly Joan ..this journey of acceptence has been rocky..I think because I had so many years around alcohol recovery with understanding I figured as an OH I would be able to apply the same with gambling with my ex...but I had to start again from scratch and truly accept not in words but in my heart.

Its been quite a rocky jourrney kcking and screaming with meltdowns along the way and i have had some ugly spats along the way but i am getting there slowly as you good folk are always teaching me.

Hope that makes sense...

hugs and be kind to yourself Joan

Unconditional as always

R and D xx

G'morning Diary,

Things are getting better around the home front. I regrouped and discovered a fatal flaw in my thinking. I was trying to put my mother's needs before my own, and forgot that my recovery was first. I am no good to anyone else around here if I am not good to myself. I got overloaded and resentful. Resentment turned quickly into unexpressed anger that festered into rage. When I experience rage I very often implode. After the implosion, there was nothing.. a complete void. No sight, no sound, just white hot nothingness. I experienced a moment of pure insanity and that is all it took. I lost my footing and fell down. I landed on my feet because I am a survivor. I know this mountain. I have been climbing it all of my life. I have come to love it. It is MY mountain. I know the terrain. I know every inch of it. In the old days when I fell I would typically have no recollection of what had happened. I would wake up on my back in excruciating pain with steaming hot tears running down both sides of my face. I would scream of course to noone there -- WHY??? I am once again at the base of MY mountain -- looking up and yes, today I am smiling. It's the climb joan. It's the climb. So, I'm going back up. What did I learn from the last climb? I learned that I love my world-- my little mom and all of her flaws. I love my little life and am grateful to the universe for being alive another day to climb. I just need to always remember to put my recovery first. To anyone reading my diary -- do not stop fighting. It is the climb that counts -- and what you learn along the way.. Stay strong lovely people. joanxx

Hi Joan

What a great post , full of knowing who you are wow wow wow !

It's great to see you have dusted off and got those climbing boots back on straight away 🙂

Your so right in that as long as we keep at it we can see all the good that's in our life , so when or if we get it wrong we always have something to hold on too

Respect Joan

Keep strong and thanks for your support when it was most needed

Take care

Lucy xxxxxx

Hey Joan..

Think that pattern of yours is identical to mine...and then imagine booze on top,...BANG!...messy....and for exactly the same reasons hun..you forgot about you first....

One thing I remember someone saying to me once really stuck and it wasnt programme stuff...

They said when it comes to aid to the 3rd world with Mothers and babies...yes the babies naturally get aid and care but it is the mothers that have to be put first, built up and fed first so they in turn were strong enough to feed the dependants.

hope that makes sense hun..you have to be selfish in the right ways to be able to cope and be strong for your dependant.

Onwards Joan...singing aye aye yipp yipppe aye...she'll be coming UP the mountain...xx'

hugs

R and D xx

Thanks ((((((Lucy and Rach)))))) Rach, your last post on my diary made me think of a possible new name for my thread "Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" lol..

G'morning Diary,

Good morning Monday! I made it through the rest of the weekend gamble free and I feel revitalized. The more I learn about myself, and why I sometimes do stupid things the less power those stupid things seem to have over me. Seeing myself for who I really am; seeing gambling for example, for what it really is. It's like putting on a new pair of glasses for the first time and thinking holy sh it... I can see!! Instead of sitting huddled in a corner with a hoodie on, baseball bat behind my back, waiting for an angry bird to descend out of nowhere; I am like Glynda "the good witch" bubbling around pointing my wand at urges and saying "be gone, you have no power here!" lol.. well, for today at least.. lol. I'm ready for the day. I'm fat, I'm an alcoholic, and a CG, who just happens to be loving life at the moment. THAT is recovery. Addiction is darkness and revovery is the light. To anyone reading my diary this morning.. just, walk into the light..

joanxxx

hey Joan..

Loving that new thread name ..lol...with a yeeeha on the end..

Really great to see your energy coming back and you are back on top...

Peaks and troughs...pretty much what life throws as us but we get up and face another day...

Be gone those rouge thoughts...Kapow!..back on your yellow brick road...ps have you noticed the yellow bricks at the top of our posts?..tee hee..going in one by one a day at a time.

Keep posting ...your doing fantastic Joan

R and D xxx

ps ....im sure you're not fat...just well insulated! ..keep loving life xxx

hey joan..just a flyer can't sleep ...around 4am here ....yawn...

hope you are well and look forward to your posts

R and D xx wuffs