Diary:
Mothers Day is a trigger. For gambling? Maybe on the surface but the anxiety below the surface definitely. By early evening the gambling urges and eating urges hit hard. Reason prevailed. Meditation is really helping not just with anxiety but pretty much everything. I can see now I have a choice to observe or react. Take the time to just observe without "attaching a story to it". Whatever "it" is. The difference between o*g!!! And, hmmm ... big difference. I'm calmer. When I'm calmer I can think. When I can think I can reason away urges. Urges that disguise themselves as the promise of pleasure are really self distructive trolls. My original habit is to sit and pick at myself whenever I feel uncomfortable, or anxious or unhappy or fearful. I look inward and pick a fight. I bully myself into a corner. For a lifetime I believed I deserved this. I'm as good as anybody else. It's all in the difference between o*g! And, hmmmm...
Thought you were losing the plot there for a minute Joan, being that our Mother's Day was 2 months ago but I enlisted the assistance of Dr Google & it makes sense now...Good skills for getting through it without self destructing!
Meditation sounds like a bit of self care to me 🙂 You are more than worthy of a lifetime of peace, keep working on accepting that.
She looked happy & at peace☺...Happy Mother's day J's Mummy!!
Meditation is awesome tool for self awareness. Didn't practice it much but my colleague gave me interesting tip yesterday about the breathing technique to calm down the "rush, adrenaline" in sum situations. Breathing is the core with meditation too right? The end result sounds awesome...you feel calmer & at peace, plus...as you said - head intact and brains able to work properly....allow ourselves to think b4 taking action ☺
Hugs Sis...spk soon and stay safe xxx
Thanks again Julie.
Diary,
The temptation to jump into the fray is burning me alive. For me, on days like these it's much harder to mind my own steaming pile. Alas, my steaming pile beckons. I need to be more patient with my aging parent. I need to observe more and REACT less. I need to stop worrying about what has not happened yet and focus on the present. I need to be more present for my partner. I need to be stronger. Be courageous. That's the inventory. Actions not just words. I'm getting better at talking "it" out. I'm isolating less. Meditating more. Focusing on self care instead of playing the martyr and ignoring my own needs. I can't take care of others if I am sick and broken. So I eat less and walk more. I quit coffee and started drinking green tea ( which by the way isn't half bad). Nothing against coffee. I love it. Not for an overly anxious person with reflux. Decaf? Nah. That's just wrong. Although the green tea is decaf. Journaling for myself and as Sandra would say ( and also for the whole world ) helps a lot. A calmer mind is what I'm working on. I think clearer when I'm calm. Gambling is addiction for me. Plain and simple. Addiction for me is like a revolving door to a prison of my own design. A cell where I am both prisoner and warden. The name of my prison is SHAME. So, little by little. One layer at a time maybe I get a little bit closer to feeling like a real person.
Diary:
Sitting at the laundromat with my partner just watching the clothes go round. Not as interesting as let's say a dock of a bay but, content all the same.
That's lovely Sis ☺...I'm walking in the rain! What an amazing greenery around us 😉
#love life
Xx
Bored?...get that dictionary out 😀
(Else words will come in the post 😉 )
"Sandglass" - awesome lyrics about life ☺
#menoenglishhhhh
Content is a happy place 🙂
The smell of a launderette is #1 on my list of top smells 🙂 I kid you not, I can smell them @ 100 yards & do an excellent impression of the mutt when they are in range.
#2 Freshly baked bread, in France
#3 Swimming pool chlorine, from the outside
Should probs have this on my diary but I'm here now so hope you don't mind?
Can anyone tell me:
#1 Why my clothes never smell so good
#2 Why English bread smell just doesn't cut the mustard
#3 Why chlorine inside the pool is just nasty (& turns pink if you pee)?
LOL, Kelly I don't even know how to respond to that. Thanks for making me smile. Long lazy day. Nothing to say except g'night.
Diary:
Just random thoughts today. "Stand up! Take your mat and walk." I'm no holy roller. Just an old woman who is finally figuring out that she has worth. Intrinsic value. Our birthright as human beings. I'm as good as everyone else. The boss of my own heart, mind, and soul. The time to get healing is now. The time to get living is now. Get off your b**t and walk! More random ramblings... I'm looking at the yard and all of the dandelions that seem to have blossomed overnight. My Ma says in only the way she can say it "well, I suppose you could (accent on the could; meaning should) get rid of them." I immediately stiffen and pucker the old b**t cheeks. I'm conditioned to do her bidding. I can taste the acid resenentment bubbling up into my esophagus. Patrice sees my pain, and says "OR , we can learn to love the dandelions." Ma is ma. She ain't gonna change the old darlin that she is. And, dandelions are beautiful. Life goes on. I walk with my mat in tow.
Or you ' could ' make dandelion tea -
LOL, Julie! Paul, I had given dandelion wine a thought but then no. Seeing as I spent the majority of my youth in a drunken stupor. That genie is safer locked up in his lamp. Dandelion tea. That sounds nice..
Diary:
Work drama
Neighbor drama
Never ending mamma drama
Adult living
Make good healthy choices.
The drama falls like steady rain.
Balance and serenity are one and the same.
Diary:
Happy to be home from work. Happy to be safe and snug in the house. Partner, dogs, and even dear old ma. I made some money. I made it honestly. I have a little to spare. There will be Wild Willy's burgers for supper. TV and catching up on my reading. Maybe listen to some music too. Life is good. Really good.
Been a while Joan so flying by with a Hi, you know who sent me 🙂
Hope you & all your loved ones are doing well (& Ma isn't driving you right up the wall) & you've managed to find a huge chunk of serenity to lean on when things threaten to overwhelm you.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
