Angel From Montgomery

Hi Joan,

Hope all good,not caught up with your diary but just had a flash of inspiration to look at the site. My life now is freekin brilliant,made up with my daughter,got to know my grand children. Mum is kinda slippin but am there for her.Most importantly "I DON'TGAMBLE" Big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxWomble

Diary: Friday -- And, I made it thru another Thursday night. Trigger night. This morning is not going as well as I had imagined but, what else is new? The trigger for me is not just the start of the weekend which is huge but, can be sooooo many things. The habit is not only gambling but, can also be a rage fit. I am easily touched off and have been training myself to hit the pause button. To not take the bait. To in this case, breathe in the horseshit and then, breathe out calm. It works when I remember.... So, cup of joe in hand I walk outside and plant myself in the yard for a few minutes and the urge to go off passes. It is not stuffing. That's different. In fact, gambling, like over eating is part of stuffing for me. My real habit is in taking the bait and reacting to other people or situations that I have absolutely no control over. I lack patience with myself first and then that spreads onto others and situations. I just want things to be "ok". The problem is for me, oftentimes "Ok" means my way. Lol. My way is not going to happen most of the time. Turning my will over to a higher power has always meant to just simply let IT be. To hit the pause button. Take a moment to breathe in and breathe out. Reminding myself that there are things that are completely out of my control but, I can always control myself. That, I have the power to do. So, I am going to go now and listen to the Beatles because like my friend Rach, for me music is goooood medicine. Take care everybody and when I am in a better space I will get back to some diaries. Am always thinking about you and my hope for today is that we all can live this one gamble free. -joanxxxxxx

Diary: Still Friday. I'm holding on -- by a thread, but still holding on. I get it. I cannot gamble. The urge to do so is slowly subsiding and I know that I will feel a rush of relief by not allowing myself to get sucked in. There is a gentle summer breeze blowing thru my window as I type and I am reminded of the simple things in this life that make me happy. Oh, and my pay check still fully in tact and snug in my pocket. That makes me happy too. Don't worry. Be happy. joanxxxxx

Hey Judy, keep hold of that pay packet and enjoy that summer breeze. They will bring more pleasure... Have a great weekend, keep strong xxx

Joan,

Believe me or not, i have tears going down my face...greatful tears, i'm not on my own here.

I do feel stronger, you encouragement is another tread i can hold on to...all i would like to do now is to hug you and assure we will be alright. It's only silly urges, it's addiction, settled in our minds playing a game....you know what - we are winners darling! We can beat it and we will:-)

Sunshine.....it's beautiful power helping you to go on....i wish you to take it all in...deep breath and relax....you as me are not on your own..

As we agreed.....- IF YOU STAY STRONG, I WILL DO TOO:-)

Take care darling, thanx again

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Joan

your gentle breeze has wafted over the sea and is stirring the curtains at my bedroom window as I sit here trying to make some sort of sense of my life. The sun is out as well and all I can hear is the wildlife and happy sounds of people on the river. The simple things in life are so important such as the understanding and compassion encompassed in this site and the difference it makes in my life when you take the time to send me a wave or a hug so sending a huge enormous thank you.

xxx

Hey Joan ..

Coo coo ka choo ....that's a bit of Beatles there for ya..also been in a bit if a Beatles mood too..much be some transatlantic thang going on lol ..

John Lennon mainly with a bit of Yoko ...we sending you a link of my current favourite that I am playing over and over ....

R and D xx

Dream9

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGFvlnCq-ts&sns=em

Thank you so much Pink sparkle, Sue, Sandra, Dragonfly, and Rach... I really needed a boost this morning. Once again woke up to a simmering rage. It's all about not being able to stuff. I just want to stuff, stuff, stuff.... and we all know what happens when we try to put a lid on it...

Diary: It's Saturday morning. I get out of bed at 6AM. Wander over to the computer expecting it to pop right on. It does not. That p*s s es me off. I make a cup and sit back down and computer is still f***k ed so, I try to cry about it a little. One silent sob later and Winnie corgi number one starts bellowing on the top of her lungs alerting the whole effing house that I am balling over absolutely nothing. Rageful and humiliated still in sweat pants, I grab my keys get into my car and drive over to the lake. Send P a text letting her know I'm safe just tantrumming and that I miss her company. She shows up in 15 minutes with donuts. We sit for awhile in silence. Saw a guy and his wife catch a huge carp. She tells us as best she can in broken English how she plans on cooking it. She and her husband were beaming with pride and delight over their catch. I remembered that there was more to life than f***k ing slot machines and we go home. I am at long last able to log on and I see that my gamcare gals are there with hugs, and tunes. All I can say now, is tears are running down my face Sandra. Nothing thrown. Nothing broken. Nothing to have to be sorry about. Just an opportunity to just let it all out. Thanks so much girls. I promise to repost as soon as I find myself. I'm getting closer. No more thoughts about gambling. Will take that money and buy a much needed hard drive. This poor thing as old as it is has just simply had it. joanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Joan,

You make sure you buy that hard drive:) we need you in this forum 😉

Don't take a lot to let things out, and it's the healthiest way on earth....write, write, write...we are in this together and always remember that i will be there behind you on good and bad supporting you as much as i can..we will do it! girl power...BRING IT ON:)

Take care and get that computer sorted ! lol

Sandra xxx

Diary: Sunday. Horrible day yesterday. We didn't make it. I am feeling hopeless today. I just wanted to get this post over with. We stopped before any real monetary damage was done. Extra cash has been and was again a problem for us. I'm not sure if I want to continue posting. I'm not looking for any responses. Just feeling sad and stupid and hopeless today. Eff it all. Eff slot machines. Eff me for being weak. Effing eff it all!!

((((J)))))

Xx

Behind you 100%

Sandra xx

Hey Joan

Trying to work out time difference here but just wanted to say....don't be beating up on that lovely friend of mine...(YOU) ....there's no meter ticking ...

R and D xx

Joan,

Please don't do it to yourself and stay isolated. We care about you...I care about you.....it's not the end of the world, you know you can stand up and dust urself down..you can do it my friend...

You are probably not in a talkative mood just now, just to let you know you can get my email from GC...i want to help you...even few assurance words...

Today is new day....

Look after yourself Joan

Sandra x