Back again for REAL

good luck on day 1 x keep posting and reading others posts especially when you feel you might weaken! what a great idea to focus on ways you can earn money and just think how much rewarding that will be!!

well done on taking the first step to getting your life back, will check back and see how youre doing!

laura x

laurak - thanks for the reply! It is really hard at the start, it feels like what others would describe 'cold turkey' but mentally.

DAY 2

I felt the urge to gamble, I was tempted to use my credit card to try and win a small amount to make me feel "productive" or earning a small sum to feel good.

I struggled and finally ignored it, have a small plan made for Saturday morning to keep me distracted and looking forward to something other than gambling.

Hi jun

Welcome aboard and well done on day 2

Keep strong and keep going because we cannot win because we cannot stop

Best wishes

Suzanne x

well done on day 2 x

keep thinking positive and finding other things to focus on.

you can do this!

laura x

I screwed up.

It was the start of day 3 and I received an email on free bets on a casino site.

I logged on and played innocently and lost the small bonus.

I was asked to receive my cash offers by depositing a small lump sum. I did so.

I racked up small wins which then lead to big wins.

It carried on to DAY 4, I had won small thousands which got my hope up. I was instantly clicking withdrawal, but because it had to wait for over 24hours before the withdrawal is processed, I played onto today which is DAY 5.

I cancelled it today and played and won just a bit over 10 thousand.

I was happy and felt the gambling high. I felt like it gave me a fix and I felt invincible and could win a fortune back.

How wrong was I, I gambled and gambled on the roulette. It wasn't long before I kept losing bit by bit. I thought I should've cashed it out and not touch it until it was cleared so I can at least clear MOST of my debt and just having the worry about my salary being pushed into the savings account.

I am now still gambling my last thousand. I feel sick, feeling the need to chase my losses back.

Gambling small and winning small, the dead feeling of no emotion. I do not know why I am doing this. I had thought of happy things I could do with the money instead of going to debt management, it could least give me a nice lump sum to go towards modifying my car or booking for a great holiday next year.

I am just feeling sick, lost. Maybe I should just take a nap and try and forget this sick feeling. This feeling of being suffocated and strangled.

I feel like I would never be able to clear my debt within my planned one year.

THanks for reading this gambling idiot's ramble.

PS,

Does anyone know if it would increase my credit score or lower it IF I repay my 5 year loan which starts next month, lets say within a year?

I hear it causes the banks to think they will not reap any profit from you as it would mean less interest earned.

Thanks again.

I am still at this moment gambling my last thousand but will probably cash it out soon.

Back to SQUARE ONE AGAIN!!!!!!

I don't know I even bothered in the first place with this miserable gambling.

I lost control and everything took over, I could not get distracted with the work I planned to do. What a waste of life I am gambling it all away. I can't believe I did this. I am even thinking of selling my car to pay most of the loan off.

I just can't bear to think of telling this secret to my family or friends. I can't bear to imagine what I would feel after doing so.

I got to get my act together.

The same feeling of hitting rock bottom again... it really is a disgusting feeling. This is what drug addicts must feel like, total cr**.

I have had chances and never took it.

Everyone I am sorry for letting this get me this low.

I Don't know what I can do to make it up for everything I've done so far.

I hope from today is a new day and will mark my last day and event of gambling.

I'm sorry you feel so bad but please remember that feeling and how much you don't ever want to feel it again. There are going to be slip ups at first, i screwed up on day 3! However you have to pick your self up and try again. Don't give in, the only one who will ever win is the site/place you are handing your money to.

make yourself a winner by beating gambling and reclaiming your life x

can you get counselling? Hand your finances to someone else? Self exclude or put in blocks ?

remove one of the triangle money/time/location.

hope you are soon feeling more positive hun

best wishes

Laura x

Yeah after today I felt very down and depressed, at work I was not very emotional at all. I worked like a robot without talking a lot.

After work I felt a bit better and feeling no need to gamble as I have a bright future by saving up and paying back my debt. I maybe feeling this temporarily as I have little to no cash to gamble. I got wages today but do not plan to gamble, instead to pay some essential bills and put that towards more future bills and leaving some for next years holiday.

laurak I deeply thank you for your continuing support. But I have one question, what is the triangle you are talking about?

Also talking about the finance bit, I don't plan to showing this to anyone else as it would make me feel so much worse at the moment. Maybe once I clear all my debt and lead a better life.

I feel like I can't slip up any more now because I am looking to change my work environment in near future, give or take 6 months maybe.

I think the work environment affects my habit a bit as people around me are not the brightest and are doing activities that are not legal. It isn't very dangerous to anyone else with what they are doing but it is just the atmosphere of them giving off, the feeling of no hope and just work everyday as it comes.

Thanks

DAY 2 I am looking forward to it!

COME AT ME !

But you came back here still determined to fight this so that's a massive well done to you x

the triangle is what makes up gambling, the three sides are the money,time & location, if you take one away the triangle falls apart and you can't gamble x so the location could be the sites for example, self exclude and you have taken the location away, triangle falls apart!

keep being positive x

best wishes Laura x

Thanks laurak,

Yes you are right, I came back and have engraved this feeling and it feels great even though its just the next day of no gambling.

I now know what ex-gamblers mean when they feel more alive and getting their life back.

It makes me feel more normal and having to think and enjoy activities that allows me to interact with others instead of looking forward to gamble and lose my hard earned money.

Day 2 Gone and Dusted.

Keeping my head up and hope this second day won't need to repeat.

Massive thanks!!!!

Jun

Welcome to the forum, this is a place where you will receive a wealth of help,support and some incredible advice by like minded folk who won't judge you,just want you to end the destruction that is the compulsion to gamble.

Laurak has hit the nail on the head

The mantra we all live by the same when gambling

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

no win big enough to satisfy the greed addiction brings and a feeling of invincibility brought resulting in relentless gambling,the same for losses,they are chased until all available funds are given to addiction.

The compulsion is for me without doubt progressive in nature,eventually you will do anything to gamble,the stakes get raised the losses with them

An ever decreasing circle of growing destruction and mental damage,all self afflicted.

Put as many practical blocks in place as possible,self exclusion,k9 and a cash card account in the bank will all gift the rational side of the brain the valuable time to stop addiction from taking over.

There is no cure for the compulsion,there is a re education of the mind,abstinence is a life choice,it does provide a constant opportunity to live a better life,yes the 'buzz' many folk say gambling brought is lost,but in truth that 'buzz' is a short lived feeling.

You ironically actually win through making a choice,three magic words gift you,take things one day at a time

I hope you give recovery a real go,bottom line is what have you got to lose??

Far less than you have to gain.

My advice give recovery as much effort as you did your gambling and you will be amazed by the results

Enjoy it

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back