Better to Ramble than Gamble.

Nice one Oldham! You're making changes in your life. It's all good stuff. Keep the faith.

Hi Martin and thanks for the post mate . Not spoken to you much of late but still keeping my eye on you to see you still over my shoulder . Great to see you chaired the GA meetting and made up for you mate as it shows just how far youv'e come along this road of ours , the support you give on here is outstanding mate , some really good post's coming through about yourself too ,all open honest and about your life !.

Glad your managing to have more time with your boy , however it comes it has to be a bonus , not everything's ideal for you I know but take the positives where we can eh?.

Have a great weekend fella and keep the reciept for the baby clothes , just in case !

Take care Martin and all the best !

Thanks for your kind post on my diary. Those days in your total are mounting up large.

Best wishes

Hi KTF

Thanks a lot for the kind words of support on my diary and i'm glad i may have provided some hope which is key during this fight.

Massive well done on getting to 138 gamble free days. It is really not an easy thing to do for us gamblers but you're over the worst, just got to keep going. The longer you go the better it gets, you start having more self-respect, more cash(eventually!), more time etc etc the list is endless.

Seems like you've been through a lot this last year so you should be even more proud of yourself that you've been strong enough to tackle all your problems head on! This will only get better now mate!

Keep up the good work and keep living life,

Onwards and upwards, James

Cheers Bal and James

Day 138

Had a good weekend great to see my mates baby and got the present right or they was kind enough to not say anything.

Having a struggle in work just can't seem to hit targets this month I've never missed it before so I'll pull it round.

No gambling thoughts but I am missing having money on me just for them little things like a drink. Unfortunately I still don't trust myself which upsets me a bit I'll get over it. I know I'm not ready yet I'll know when I am, don't know how but I will.

KTF

Its difficult when to start trusting yourself. Every time i've tried that i've gone back gambling. Difficult

It is tri it will come in time. When I introduce some money back in my life. I think I will go down the route of still keeping things transparent and be accountable, when that time is im not sure but I will have try someday or I will never know and just be abstaining and I want more that that.

Oldham, you are doing so well. Day 139 wow well done. Just wanted to say thank you for the support you've offered myself, you're a good man and one that's clearly going in the right direction. Good luck mate, it takes time to right wrongs and your diary is so honest of your journey. Everyone is rooting for you. x

Oldhamktf wrote:

It is tri it will come in time. When I introduce some money back in my life. I think I will go down the route of still keeping things transparent and be accountable, when that time is im not sure but I will have try someday or I will never know and just be abstaining and I want more that that.

Thanks for the post Oldham. Your thinking about it and planning. Makes such a difference. Well done on your step 1.

Tri

Well done oldham on your 139 days gf that's fantastic 🙂 I have my first ga meeting on Monday a women's only one and it can't come soon enough now. Thanks for you post on my diary really means alot to get advice and support from other cg take care x

Hiya Martin , just got in from work buddy so trying to catch up a bit . Thanks for asking mate , Im alright thanks but after all the up's and downs of last week on here I didn't really feel up to posting much , well not on my own diary anyway . I think we all get a bit touchy and sensitive but that's no wonder considering where we've all come from , so I decided just to back off a little bit !.

Works all good and pretty busy considering the time of year , usally a bit up and down until it settles about easter time , were all a bit skint after xmas , plus all the big bills come in too !.

My Daughters wedding plans are coming along just fine , TBH not much we can do at the mo , my son and myself need to get our suits sorted but we'll prob wait a bit longer , flights and accomodation's all done , there so crafty when you book flights on line , as soon as we started booking the flight prices were going up as we watched !.

Anyway enough about me mate , how you doing ? , I've not caught up on recent posts but you seem to be doing just fine , I read that you got to spend more time with your'e son looking after him in the evening , so that must be good to do and chairing the GA as well , thats brilliant mate and just shows the commitment you have to your recovery . I've not done it but I'm made up for you that it's working for you , we all do it differently but we all have the same aim .

I sometimes feel a bit at a loose end and end up looking for something to do but I really don't miss the gambling , now that the cycle's broken it really is easier than I thought it would be to keep on the straight and narrow .

Anyway thanks for dropping bye my old friend it's much appreciated , catch up with you again soon , take care Martin and KTF !

Thanks Merc hope you enjoy GA we have a few women at our meeting but it's mainly men while on here I think they are more women than men so a woman'sGA is definitely needed

Nice to catch up Alan there was me asking you a how you are then going into my own hibernation and giving here a bit of a swerve for a few days

DAY 142

A couple more days than I thoughts which must be a good thing that I'm not county the days as much.

Things are going ok no problems on the gambling front they never really has been had the odd urge ir thought of wonder what odds they are.

I Just feel I'm at a bit of a crossroads and need to start getting a bit more purpose in my life. As much a I crave parts of the non gambling part of my old life. the realisation that I'm not getting to get it those parts back hurts. I can't blame her, I not giving up fully but it's time to start to think if it happens it happens but until it does me and my son are the priority. I need to focus on the things I still have, as was rightly pointed out to me on chat tonight(thanks rob)

Things are very amicable with the ex right now which is good. hopefully it says that way there has never been an issue with seeing my son I see him nearly everyday and when he's not on that Xbox we have quality time together, unlike the half hearted effort when I had my head stuck in the phone or laptop in my gambling bubble

I'm round at me old home now I used to call into my house but now it's my old home. With the ex getting a new job working 3 nights a week I get to stay with him and sneak out in the morning,his bed is not made for a 18stone fat lad, I might treat him to a new mattress soon lol

The immediate debts are nearly done now just the house and a loan but they are being paid on time which makes a change its been a bit of a financial struggle this last few months with the ex being out of work then waiting for her first pay from her new job so I've had very little money as I've been supporting her and my son with get having nothing coming in

The money thing should change soon and I'll have to start saving to start a new life and hopfully eventually be able to move out of my parents house. it's so hard going back there after 22 years going back to my old room they've been great and I don't know where I would be now if it wasn't for them and my brother. Sure it's hard being watched over and asked how I am, knowing the real question is have you wanted to gamble but it keeps me on my toes knowing I've got someone to answer to. It's not been easy for them at there time in life, I try and keep out of there way and let them so there of thing

GA has been going well for me not missed a meeting at my regular Oldham meeting since I I started on day 6. It is a strong meeting with between 15-20 core members until recently I was the newest member others have come and gone but we've got a few new lads come through the door, young as well im quite envious of them wish I had accepted in my early twenties but then life would have been different I wouldn't have had to run away to the lakes to get away from gambling and not met my ex and had my lad so would that have happened if I stopped gambling earlier? I'm so proud of him he has so much potential he a smart cookie I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure my screw ups don't knock him of track. Back to GA I'm trying to get invoked more becoming a bit more pro active checking in with some guys over the week I think that suits me better I appreciate all the work done behind the scenes but that's not for me I really enjoyed chairing and I'm going to do it again without a shadow of a doubt. Next week I'm going to give a full therapy go back to the start and where I'm upto now we don't do this enough I just tend to go in and update on my week and any news or issues i have had so we've decided every week to do a least one full therapy

I'm not looking for a debate on GA it's either for you or it's not but I will say it's got to be worth trying if things aren't changing for you it's a huge part of my recovery along with reading on hear which I suppose is similar to GA in cyber world way

No major plans this weekend it's been a tough week in work so a nice relax will do me

KTF

Hi Martin , Wondered where you'd got to ! , glad your ok and I tthgink it does you good sometimes to have a couple of days away from posting , its good that now youve not been gambling for a while youre looking at life and what lays ahead for you in the future , whatever happens its great that your able to see your son whenever you need and that you and the ex get on well , it makes for an easier life thats for sure !.

We've both come a long way the last few months and niether of us know what the future holds but its got to be better without gambling in it thats for sure buddy !.

I'm glad things are getting better mate , slowly but surely my friend !

Have a great day and KTF !

Day 144

Just woke up after spending the night in my old home. Just watching the cricket a sport I love and one I never spoilt by betting on it, probably because I wanted to enjoy it for the sport.

Waiting on my lad to get out of his pit and then we will be making pancakes for breakfast a tradition that we missed on Tuesday. It was something that got to me this week a bit like not waking up with him Christmas morning. No need to dwell as we will be tossing them pancakes later making a mess and creating a few different toppings.

The rest of the day I've got a few jobs to do and looking forward to watching a bit of the football later.

It made me laugh last night when I came round and the ex said there's a lottery ticket on the shelf if I wanted to check if she has won, she could be a millionaire now because it still remains unchecked.

KTF

Morning oldham hope your well. My oh plays the lottery but to be fair to him he now doesn't check it or mention it while I'm about he also has stopped having a bet on the horses as he doesn't think its fair on me. I know I'm lucky he is so supportive. Have fun making pancakes with your son tc x