Better to Ramble than Gamble.

Not been on for a while even to have a look around but had my open meeting and got my 3 year pin from September(i missed to last one) so thought i would share my therapy on here as i normally do. sorry its long lol.

My Name is Martin and I’m a compulsive gambler date of last bet 23/9/15.

As a kid I’d always been attracted by the flashing lights of the arcades whenever we went on day trips you would find me on the 2p machines. I must have been about 10 when I went away with a neighbour to Butlin’s or the like in Scarborough, my Dad gave my neighbours some money for me to be given every day, even then would be gone within an hour if not minutes. Another early memory was being on holiday in Spain and on one off the original one arm bandits where you pull the leaver, we was sat in a bar and I was putting pesetas in and pulling the leaver the wheels spinning then all of a sudden pesetas flying out, I must of hit the Jackpot so much so I had to put them all in a big sombrero I had on. I think it was always in me when I was a about 15 I used to go to the arcades and blow my paper round money even then I did It solitary going up town in the morning and put my money in the machines to win a jackpot that paid out in tokens, so you never won you just put the tokens back, absolute madness when you look back on it.

I’ve always been around gambling my Dad, Granddad and Uncle all gambled on the horses and dogs and did the weekend football coupons. I no way am I blaming them as I made my decisions and they could all happily just put a couple of pounds at the weekend and win or loss go back the next weekend and do the same. My Dad did have a big win once all 4 up in a lucky 15 at good prices I remember him coming home from the pub late and drunk I even remember the name of the last horse that won.

I started getting involved In sports betting when I was chef , I used to do split s***s and have 3 or 4 hours to kill during the day, it wasn’t worth going home so I used to go the bookies with one of the other chefs, often wondered how he is as he was worse than me at this stage, I’d be doing 10p lucky 15’s Placepots that could last all day nothing serious but I was betting on every race spending my whole break in there, I had some wins they never amounted to anything as I just carry on with the winnings, eventually my wage would be gone so id dip into my inheritance that had been left to me, eventually that ran dry I kept that hidden for a long time. Until it came out and did go down to well I blamed it on being young and out all the time but the majority was gambled away. I left my job at the hotel and went working as a butcher and there I met another gambler, very into his horses and I took more of an interest in form and started to study what I was gambling on we used to finish at 1 on Tuesday and could make it over to Pontefract for an afternoon of racing. I was getting more involved at this stage I was probably about 18, shamefully id started to steal money and even my Mums Jewellery. I stole one ring a pearl one she got for her 30^th anniversary and pawned at Mays in Oldham got about £30 for it with every intention of winning and going back to claim it that never happened. I even helped my mum search for it looking under sofa’s we even emptied the hoover along knowing where it was and that it pointless looking. A few years later she called me up to say shed found it in the pawnshop window and bought it back. I acted oblivious but deep-down she knew. I continued at the butchers for a few years and gambled I was gambling more I was stealing from work skimming on the till, never got caught that’s probably not a good thing looking back

By this point things wasn’t going well at home I was arguing with my Dad blaming him but it was me, I decide I need to leave home when I was about 20 looked for some flats but all I could afford was dingy bedsits so I made the decision to move the lakes and get a job as a Chef with live in accommodation. This was the smartest thing I did no bookies on my doorstep I must have had a dozen bets in the 5 years I was up there. Life was good I really enjoyed myself met a girl and things where good no gambling made it even better. We wanted to buy a house together and no way could we afford it up there so I brought her back to Oldham, something she has never forgiven me for. No sooner had I come back to the bright lights of Oldham the weekend bets sneaked back in, we was renting and supposed to be saving for a house that never happened we was living from payday to payday I was borrowing money to put back what I had gambled, treating her to night and meals out when I won making up some lame excuse when I didn’t. this went on for a while I ran up overdrafts and then stopped using the banks took out loans and paid the first few payments then ignored it, stopped paying bills had bailiff’s at the door. Blamed it all on administration errors and told her it had all been sorted. Her Dad ended up bailing us out and I was told never to do it again and for a while I did, we bought a house had my son.

I’m not sure when it started again id weaselled my way back in to have 10 or 20 football accumulators at the weekend. It must have been around 2013, I’d never gambled online but I pursued her that I should set up online account to place the annual bets on the National to get the free bets extra. This is where it started to go very wrong. I started secretly betting on my phone while I was sat next to her, id changed it so the bank statements where done online no paper ones coming to the house I was regularly increase the overdraft, id only do this on a Wednesday as they still sent out a letter and id learned that if I did it on the Wednesday it would arrive on the Saturday and I could intercepts the post. I’d become so secretive and devious.

We decided to get married after being together for 19 years to do this we had to find some money so re-mortgaged enough to clear some debt reduce the overdraft and book the wedding. We picked the venue paid the deposit, she wanted to pay it all I talked her out of it I promised I would control my gambling handed over the online banking account to her, she wasn’t very good at it so I would get her to log me on to do what we need to do which was fine till she typed the password in the wrong place and I knew what it was. So I now had the means to run up the overdraft again! Once that was gone I started on the wedding fund that was gone within a 4 months by April it was all gone. I had been back gambling online while showing my pretend bets from the bookies a couple of pound here and there but I was gambling heavy online.

The plans where still going ahead for the wedding she was picking the dress paid for it with her own money so we could have a few extra’s treats on the day ,booked the DJ had meeting with him and planned the day ordered the cake got the photographer all the time just paying deposits. She wanted the little extra I’m saying no we don’t need this all the time knowing the money had gone. The save the date cards had gone out, I was delaying ordering the invitations saying I’m waiting for an offer to come up but really I was just delaying as I knew the inevitable. At this point I was becoming more desperate time was running out I was chasing spending any money I could get me hands on to try and get it back I was taking out payday loans in her name from whoever I could get them off borrowing money from friends and colleges becoming a pest I called my brother to bail me out knowing he was on holiday. I still called him. Making up another excuse another lie.

September the 23^rd my birthday I had one last throw of the dice which obviously didn’t roll my way. We was due to get married in about 10 weeks. I went home had a birthday meal and cake with her and my son knowing the next day I had to tell her, she had said she wanted to check the ban
k tomorrow I had dodged this so many times making excuse like the site was down but really I had just disconnected from the Wi-Fi. She called me on my lunch at work I had not planned to tell her then but it just came out a cowards way over the phone I knew the game was up, I knew by telling her I was sealing my fate I knew I had blown it.

I went home she was calm and she is not a calm person she told me it was over and had packed me a few things and allowed me to say bye to me son. I had to make that walk to my parents with my black bin bags and asked for a bed told them everything, although disappointed and upset they have stuck by me of that I am grateful I would not of got through this without them and my brother who helped me financially to clear some things down and has been there for support I’m not sure where I would be now. With all of them I know I’m on a final chance if I get it wrong again I will be completely on my own.

So that was 3 years ago last September, I remember it was a Saturday morning a few days after this had all come to light, I was sat in my bedroom and googled gambling addiction and It came up with GA and Gamcare, I called up Gamcare and spoken to a lady who to be honest wasn’t much use she did point my to the Gamcare forum which I looked at and started a diary and that played a massive part in my earlier recovery not so much these days. In previous years I’ve read out parts of my but after reading back over it again I’m not going to bother, I was miserable and feeling very sorry for myself especially in the first 6 month.

Things have got better and that’s down to the best gamble I have ever taken, walking through the doors of GA. I nearly didn’t come I left the house and was just going to walk around for a couple of hours and go home and say I was fixed. I’m so glad I walked through the doors, I thought I’d come a week a month max and be all cured go back home to the ex and my son and carry on like nothing happened. I realised the first night this wasn’t the case and I needed to be at GA I walked out that first night thinking I do have a future and if I give this ago I could change my life for the better. I started off doing it for other people now I do it for myself and by doing that all the other people around me benefit from a better me.

The majority of the time I look forward to coming along every Tuesday the odd week I have to push myself. I did the first 58 weeks without missing a meeting at Oldham then missed one through illness I was gutted I’ve missed around half a dozen meeting out of the 179 meeting that have been available to me at Oldham that’s something I’m proud off. It seems to working for me. I’ve seen lots of people come and go. I often wonder how they are getting on some will probably be doing of but I suspect the majority will be back gambling. What seems to work for me is getting b*m on this seat every week.

So 3 years ago I came through them doors a broken man, the walls had closed in and I was left with no choice but to admit I was a compulsive gambler, I could hide it no more. I’m still back in my old room at my Mum and Dads who have been amazing, its allowed me to clear my debt well the majority I’m still paying the loan I took about to get married but up to date with the payments.

I’m fortunate that I still see me son on a regular basis he’s a cracking lad and has never judged me even though he knows about the majority of things that went on, hopefully I’ll find the courage to invite him next year as he will be 16. I always worried about how the separation would affect him but he’s doing fabulous at school predict to get high grades and go on to do his A-Levels. His Mum has moved on and in a new relationship, that doesn’t stop her firing a few low blows at me when things become tricky, I understand that she will never forgive me for what I did. We get on for my son the majority of time and she is do a great job bring him in difficult circumstances, for that I’m grateful

I’ve managed to get a few holidays in over the last year one with my son and the other with the lads and I’m off on another one in a couple of weeks. Works going well, amazing what not gambling all day while at work will

Increase you productivity, I’m earning more now than I ever did, another sign that gambling was pointless as if I just did my job id of had what I needed.

I’m still single, started the minefield` that is online dating, wow I thought I had some issues that’s a whole world of craziness, I have had a few dates but have knocked it on the head as it was giving me a headache.

All in all things are going well with me. It’s great to see so many familiar faces here and friends and family they have brought with them I hope my therapy and others go some to show that whoever you are with is not the only idiot to get sucked in by this evil illness but with your support and there effort turning up and listening and supporting other there is a light at the end of that tunnel.

Anyhow starting ramble but as always it’s better to ramble than gamble.

My name is Martin and I’m a compulsive gambler

Hey martyn...it was always me who wrote the coffee time inspirational posts back in the early days ! lol...but I'll let you off...an amazing powerfull post. ..from an amazing strong bloke. ...an inspiration to all of us.....
And a lovely heart warming read...
Now. ....have we up graded from primarni trousers.....although....I can't really see the need. ....I love to shop in there.....but that post about work clothes always sticks on my mind ....
Dating sites ! I've never used them...sure it's a mind field. ..
They say .....love comes along when we least expect it.....I'm sure you'll be snapped up soon...
Untill then.....Barry will keep you company........
Spec the brickie ,balvo and old fish man will offer advice......
Anyway love.....massive respect to you for turning you're life around.....I'll look forward to holiday snaps on fb .....although i would rather not be exposed to you're mankini ones.....
Stay safe....have fun....you soooooo deserve it
Big hugs xx

Our Loxxie's right there Mart , youv'e no business posting before late afternoon you know :)) .

Christ !! , what a long one as well ( the post that is ) :)) , but using the yardstick of did I nod off ? No way mate and a great post if I do say so myself . Weve come a long way together since those early dark times and when you put the whole story down in one place it takes me right back to when we first spoke on here and equally how much your life's changed for the better .

As my sister in arm's up there said " You are a great bloke " and have alway's offered the support to anyone who's needed it , myself included and as alway's " I thank you " buddy.

Always been a pleasure to walk the walk and talk the talk alongside you mate x .

Look after yourself and here's to another 3 and a bit years :))

Alan x

I’ve not had a bet today or since my last post 

So we have a new website, seems very similar a few different colours I’m sure we will find a few new features as we go along might take a bit of getting used to and hopefully people can get logged in. 

Things going well for myself my profile says I’m on 1297 days so can’t be bad. Still enjoying GA makes all the difference to me. 

Been away on another quick break with lads the other week that was messy a bit awkward at times due to going while Cheltenham was on and 20 lads gambling was at the forefront of a lot of guys minds. They all knew my situation and no pressure was ever put on me and avoid a lot of it by going off with a few of the guys who wasn’t interested in it. 

My lads turning into a great young man 16 next week where did that go. He’s studying hard for his exams just does it himself no hassling him to revise. 

Other than yesterday and today I’ve not been on here much at all recently only came to have a look at the new site when I saw it was due on Twitter I’ll try and get back into but times have just moved on which is a good thing I suppose. 

KTF

I’ve not had a bet today or since my last post. 

Yesterday was my lads 16th Birthday managed to get tj see him for a few hours yesterday gave him some money not a much as I would of like but him I’ll taking him shopping when I get paid, no lying no try to bet to win money to give him was just honest and told him it would leave me short till I got paid.  He was fine with that went for some lunch and he’s off out with his mum today. He’s got more money than me at the minute but won’t be telling I’ll put it in my bank for safe keeping like I used to the proceed to gamble it away always put it back but that’s not the point. 

Currently sat in the garden having a quiet half hour to myself just letting my mind wonder. It’s that time of the year when the t**s are in the garden and what a lovely pair they are working hard diving in and out of the box feeding there young to give them the best start in life. I didn’t always do that with my lad but doing my best to make up for it now. 

Also the time of year I love the first day of the cricket season and what a lovely day for it it. We got promoted last year and it was always going to a tough season this year but looks like we have lost 3 or 4 players so not expecting much but I’ll still turn up and see how we do, nice little ground in a nice village today and with the sun out and beer flowing I’m sure I’ll have a good day. 

It seems a quite a few aren’t happy with the changes to the website, there’s a few things I’d like back, things like being able to find people’s diaries, I’ve subscribed to the ones I want to follow and don’t mind getting the emails but can understand why some don’t, it’s also handy to see someone’s history. Hopefully it can be resolved and doesn’t put people of posting after all it’s the content where here not the site layout. 

Ill leave it there have a good weekend all and remember it’s better to ramble then gamble. 

KTF

Hi KTF

Just had a read through your diary (well some of it!)

I wish that I had worked at my recovery like you have the last few years . Well done very inspirational stuff. Keep up the good work 

I’ve not had a bet today or since my last post. 

Firstly cheers Rob you’ve always worked hard at this and I  hope you continue to do so. 

So it’s been a while about 4 months lol Nearly being 4 years in so  gI don’t feel the need to check in all the time but today is different. 

Ive not had a bet so don’t panic. I’ve been out today and was obviously to the messages coming through at about 10 I caught up and to say it wasn’t good news is an understatement. One of the lads from GA l, I say lads he was well into his 60’s has unfortunately passed away. 

Hes been going to GA for probably about 15 years he’s had lots of ups and many  more downs but he’s never gave up. He’s battled in fairness he had an illness  where medication he was given was proven to encourage a compulsive nature and he got a good payout that covered all he lost many thousands but as a compulsive gambler he blow it again. 

I know ridiculous he got a a get out of jail free card but never took it he  just gambled it away again on the 30th March last year I went to all the bookies he went to and told them all to to let him bet In there which they didn’t. 

He won’t mind me sharing a couple of his gambling woes one is when he went I visit his friend in Blackpool and before he even got there he blow all his money in the slots at the train station he somehow made it to Blackpool but ended up sat on his mates doorstep while it was bouncing down with rain till he turned up then proceed to rob or all the change he had around the house  i know  he regrets this  

he as a stalwart of Oldham GA gave great advice and at times had some harsh criticism due to his numerous slips but he never gave up and took It in the chin  lol 

I for one will miss you Henry I will never sit in your seat I’m absolutely broken tonight I knew something was wrong when you never return my calls or replied to my messages but as GA is anonymous i didn’t know where you lived I tried to track you down Henry but couldn’t I feel empty inside tonight but as least you don’t have to fight this horrible illness anymore. 

RIP Henry

.

Sorry for the ramble but this is the place I come back to when I have to offloaded. 

Morning KTF

No need for you to apologise. Nice to see a post from you again.

Stay safe

I’ve not had a bet today of since my last post.

3 years 11 months ago to the day I turned my sons world upside down. He was 12 at the time I remember coming home and the ex-telling me I had to leave b**t could go and say bye to my son, I went upstairs holding back the tears putting a brave face on I remember holding him tight and saying I was going to stay at a mates for the night I was hopeful id be back the following day, that never happened and I never return home.

He’s know from the following day that what I did, ruining our family was my biggest regret unfortunately at that time gambling was the number one priority even before my son. I’ve had to live with the consequences of my gambling. Yes he was upset but even at 12 he understood it was addiction that took my down the wrong path, he’s never judged me always supported me. He has dealt with it amazingly such a old head on young shoulders, at the beginning I had my concern what affect the separation would have on him but he has always dealt with it amazingly well.

Today he got his GSCE’s results and wow he has blown me away 2 A*, 7 A’s and 2 B’s he’s put the work in studied every spare minute he made up for it since lol he’s had a very relaxed summer. I couldn’t be more prouder of him today I had happy tears this morning. It’s going to cost me a few quid if I was still gambling I wouldn’t of been able to treat him even if I did id be asking to borrow it back off him within a few days. He’s got such a bright future ahead of him and I’ll continue to support him in any decisions he makes.

He such a polite and well-mannered 16 year old towers above me he can’t be far of 6’6”. Despite the differences we have had over the years a lot of credit has to go to the Ex who picked him up and guided when I left a path of destruction me and Jacob have built our trust back I’m still a big part in his life and he in mine I just can’t wait to see what the future hold for him.

KTF

Fella just a pure joy to read, I respect the fact wholly that you have given everything you have to recovery or rediscovery

you should be very proud that your life today has a profoundly positive effect on the folk that you hold dear. I am humbled by the fact I probably should have been in your shoes,Sarah had every reason to turn and run 

i never let a day pass without reminding myself of that fact.

thanks for sharing 

with strength and honour 

duncs stepping forward never back 

Hi Martin :)) . 

Not been around these pages for a while , like yourself just living life the way it is supposed to be instead of the mess it was when we both came here 4yrs ago . 

Thanks for the congratulations my old friend and likewise the same to you , from a place where we would both have struggled to have gone 4 hours without a bet this is and does feel a million miles away . 

So glad to read of your son's success and to hear how proud you rightly feel .

Many thing's changing now in my life also buddy which I will give an update no doubt in the near future but until then as always I'm so very proud to have walked this journey of our's alongside you . 

Take care Martin and keep on KTF 🙂 

Much respect and love x

I’ve not had a bet today or for the last 4 years!!!

I’m very seldom on the forum these days but do like to post an update when we get to a milestone. 4 years ago today I had my last bet a final throw of the dice with the birthday money I received that morning. That never came off and am glad it didn’t or I would still be gambling today.

The last 4 years have had its ups and downs it was certainly made easier with the friends I made on here and at GA. I’m still paying off some small gambling debts but they more than manageable, I lost a long term relationship because of gambling that was hard to take at the time but recently I’ve allowed myself to move and got involved myself which is nice, I’ve had a few dates here and there but this one seems to be sticking and working out only time will tell. Son still doing amazing well and makes me proud every day, for a young lad who is technical wiz he seems to have forgot to text or call his Dad today to wish me Happy Birthday but I’m sure he will later.

Only a quick update just more to show those new people out there that it can be done when I started here I never thought I could 4 hours without a bet never mind 4 years, I still have all my blocks up to date attended GA at least once a week, if you put as much effort into avoiding that first bet as you used to get the money for the next one when you were active you’ll be on the right track to stop and life without gambling is far better than a life with gambling.

KTF

I’ve not had a bet today or since my last post. 

Not updated my diary since my 4 years gamble free. Everything going really well no thoughts of gambling been too busy. New relationship is going really well so much so that I’m taking her to the GA north west dinner dance tonight. Be nice to get all suited and booted a strong representation from Oldham going about 30 of us inc partners should be a good night looking forward to it. 

Never been before never fancied it with being single but that all changed now took me a while no secrets she knows  all about my Past and what’s to be involved in my recovery which is great. 

Anyhow  time to get sorted just a quick update if anyone else is going give me a shout and I’ll get you a beer. 

KTF