CasinoRoyalLoser my life

It's payday im so excited i'm in Bournemouth the ***** is open 24hrs and its Friday. Yes i am going to spend the entire weekend in there and i've got 1200 squid. Easy peasy to turn that into 3 or 4K. The year is 1994 im 20 with so much money im on top of the world.

"Hello Lee" said Fred the Dealer "hows it going" " Great Fred 100 in fives please" is i what i replied, not i'm good thanks how are you but change up my money to chips. I am in degenerate mode not thinking of life work friends family and certainly not interested in small idle chit chat with the dealer just what numbers are showing in the history box and when can i put my chips down. Sound familiar guys?

i call out on the next spin "Neighbours 15, 32, 2 and 4" Very familiar bet from me every dealer in that Casino knows me just like most in London do too and Southampton Scotland Wales Ireland you get my point here. 32 mins later bust going home

Day 2 No gambling this hour

Twenty is really when i started to become a degenerate gambler. You see i am in the medical field, not a doctor but i am a corporate director, now I run hospitals. Yupp can you believe that? i'm the guy who helps run and build up hospitals to get a creditable reputation and bring in clients. I get lots of commissions for every new client i bring to our hospital which in turn is lots of money. I have my first confession to you all. I earn 8-10 thousand pounds a month and have been for a few years now. I'M SKINT BROKE OWE MONEY to banks, credit cards, and lenders. Gambling for me is or was my old life, Not anymore!! Day 2 No gambling this hour.

I have in the past few weeks closed every single betting account i have and self banned over the years, hundreds. This does really help but as a degenerate gambler i find ways to open new ones very easily. So today being my second day gambling free i have done the following due to reading a lot of posts here which was so helpful for me.

Handed over complete finances to wife

Closed all betting accounts

Added Software blocks to CPU

Started my 1st ever GamCare Diary

Will confess here any lapses.

Confessed to family my financial status and admitted my addiction.

Promise to be honest in this forum

Joined the 2014 Challenge

Called a counsellor

Welcome to gamcare and maybe some hope

there is lots of recovery but please don't think it'll necessarily be easy

i spent years learning how to gamble, lie, deceive and cheat and i know it'll take years to learn how to become a good person again

doesn't happen overnight

keep posting triangle

Thanks for the post in my diary, its funny as gamblers we always used to tell people about the good times, never the bad. I would go into work having won a few thousand and tell people about it. But would never go in and tell anybody the next day after I had lost it all and more. I will read your stories because it makes me remember how I was and how I don't want to be.

I think you have done really well to come on and admit you have a problem and be so open about it. By giving control of your finances to your wife you have placed an important barrier in place. I'm also glad you have joined the 2014 challenge. Its really inspired me and helped me to refrain from gambling. I hope it can inspire you too.

You seem really determined to beat this and I will look forward to hearing more about your journey. You have made a good start and I think you are ready to embrace this place and beat your addiction.

I'm hooked after only your first few diary entries. I can't relate to the casino side of things but definitely the 'I've just been paid now I can turn my £1k into 3 or 4'. For me its online which is a 24 hour industry with numerous games and sports to get hooked on. Welcome to the 2014 challenge too. Look forward to hearing more of your stories and seeing you beat this cruel addiction. I would give anything to be on a better salary so don't blow any more of it, use it to treat your wife and family, so much more to life. Best of luck.

Day 2 getting close to day 3 just got to sleep and made 2 days gambling free,

@Rst18

**** on line Casino has over 200k of my money. Here's only one of my on line losing stories for you. Deposited 5k 18 months ago head to the virtual roulette tables, look at the balance bottom right corner of the interface shows 5000 pounds, woohoo this session i'm gonna take them to the cleaners. Click click click click click look at my balance wholly cr** my total bet is 470 pounds, oh well cannot miss got so many bets out bound to hit. Ball drops YES it's in my area.. woohoo... how much i got on my number? Oh my Fliipin god the only number i missed in that section, how? how? how? did i miss that number? ... Sound Familiar?

That missed number instantly sends me to degenerate mode, I hastly click repeat bet then click again "double" my bet.. 940 pounds, ball is spinning already, balance i peak at it shows 3590 pounds my heart is thumping so hard not because the balance is low because i might actually hit a big one here. Ball drops what the heck it's again in the section of my area I bet, but the lowest bet the worst number out the lot pffft a measly 180 pounds return. I'm already angry annoyed at what just happened. Here we go again im thinking I already know ive lost it all probably got like 30 mins left and Busto. I know again, another sleepless night. Just replaying those spins in my head and i know i have to hide my sickness from my wife, how do i hide this awful anger + guilt + depressive feeling 5000 pounds in under 2 hrs o*g this is my last time ever ever ever ever. I am lying in bed wife is sleeping i'm replaying it over and over how will i hide this on my bank statement? How can i get that 5000 back? How will i cover the rent pay for the shopping? hmm credit cards borrow from my boss that's a quick fix

.

Go to sleep lee we will win it back my thoughts tell me.. Peak at the alarm cr** it's 4am not a wink of sleep 5000 pounds in 2 hrs that's it never will i gamble again i keep saying in my head. Trying so hard to keep tears back even though wife can't see because she's asleep. I look at her one quick glance before i fall into my guilt sleep.

Sound familiar Dec 2012 lost 5000 in 2 hrs

keep doing the right things in recovery and life generally improves

takes effort but day 12 for me today

so much better

still in a lot of pain and debt but life is better not gambling

Hello mate, your stories are mirrored to mine. The ball dropping in my area but not in the 1 number I've covered, been there seen it done it. They do it to suck u in and wind u up but we still fall for it every time. I'm 4 weeks into my recovery and for some reason felt depressed today and thought about gambling but I resisted and your stories have been a great read. Hope it goes well for u mate.

I am reading your postings and diary with interest. What concerns me a 'little only a little' is your posts seem to be quite euphoric, like I am here on Gamcare 'Day 2 is it?' and it is the end of my gambling. My thoughts are that you will have some very dark depressional days ahead when the re-alisation hits home as it has with me that the funds are gone and they are never coming back. I thought when I came on here 18 months ago it would cure me instantly, but it didn't, it took till 7days ago and the loss of nearly everthing including possibly my partner to wake me up. This site has some great people on namely James P, and offers great support, but they can't reach out as humans and hold you, you may need that in the short-term. I note you earn a really good salary, more than some people earn in two/six months in the UK (and no doubt you work very hard for it) so at that level of income and the age you are at, you should clear your debts in a modem of time. Take heed don't think the purging of your thoughts on here will completely cure you, IT WON'T, that willingness to stop gambling has to come from within - really from within. Good luck, you have taken some positive steps with exclusion and your wife being involved with you but ................ be careful, its a long road ahead but you are well young enough to turn your life around.

Hi try not to be too hard on yourself. If you live in the past it will forever hold you. Your new life started two days ago. Good Luck forget about the money you earn good money so you can pay your bills and have a good life watch how your productivity improves.

Hi mate thanks for post on my page.jst home from work so not had chance to read through your diary but I will do soon.take care and al be in touch soon.no bet today for a better tomorrow.

Scottyboy

Sorry to read bout your misfortune of this disease taking over. Never mind fella its the new you! You can beat this.stay strong no bet today brings a better tomorrow 😉

Scottyboy

3 Days I won't be gambling this hour.

Just got back 30 mins ago from Afghanistan went to collect 3 patients and bring them here to Dubai. Will update my diary later. Oh yes 3 days without gambling, but to be fair i haven't had a chance to even think about it today.