CasinoRoyalLoser my life

Hey bud, nice to see you back...

I was hoping that your all ok, but it appears the devil hit back at you again. Dust yourself down, tell us what has happened to rid it from your system and rejoin the 2014 challenge.

All the best bud,

Scambling

Thanks Scambling for the post.

Going through really bad patch in my life due to this compulsive addiction i have. 8 Weeks of pure gambling every day betting sometimes 1000 a spin and 3 days ago did the most crazy thing ever loaded 10000 pounds onto my online casino account and lost the whole lot.

The only good thing i can say i did any good in the past few weeks is throw out my laptop bought a brand new one and instantly added gamblock. Loving it right now such a great defense. I know i can do this and stop i just choose not too, why?? so flipping stupid.

The second best thing i did in 8 weeks is come back here

Well i am here now back to day 3 and will set out to beat it this time. I am feeling very hurt inside, that i keep doing this and currently in a horrible nervous wreck stage. I always want to take my big wages and bonuses and hit the debt but always choose to try make free money by gambling... so idiotic. Anyway i will be here everyday now and will post in others diaries real soon, once i feel better and get out of this dark place im in..

Sorry this post is a bit grey but i can't lie about how i feel right now... Could really do with talking to someone a counselor or even paying for one to just listen to me..

CasinoRoyaloser

Hi Casino,

Its fantastic to see you back here and seeking support and contributing to others (thankyou!).

It sounds as if you have hit the bottom which to be honest is something you need to do in order to start the climbing process.

You have gone 3 days clear and that is brilliant! Just think how much money you have saved by abstaining, then think how much money you will have saved by abstaining for a week? a month? a year?

Keep going C!!

Keep posting on here and stay focussed on your goals, one day at a time you will get there I know you can do it!!

Lisa xx

Thanks Lisa,

Today i woke up and felt a little better knowing i cannot go to my laptop and open any website as gamblock is working perfectly.

Today's Goals is go back to the Gym and pay for a months training. Had a nice healthy breakfast going to also live healthy life. Healthy life healthy mind.

Day 4 is here and i will write in some diaries tonight and make some new friends on here and swop ideas stories and get some motivation from others.

CasinoRoyaloser

Hi casino

You are coming through with good positive thinking that's got to be healthy too

Day 4 is good keep thinking positive

One day at a time

Best wishes Suzanne x

Hi Casino,

I have read your diary over the past few day's and like myself am sure everybody on this site relates to it. It is great that you are determined to beat this horrendous addiction and you are being so honest with your wife.

A word of caution though, we all think we have hit rock bottom and landed ourselves in the gutter well, there are places lower than the gutter and these are places we never want to visit, please make sure all systems and blocks are in place in particular when renewing contracts for anything that may involve internet access as I recently discovered when renewing a phone contract.

Continue with your positive attitude its what gets us through each day, stay focused and take each day at a time. Life is so much better without worrying about gambling and its horrific consequences.

I wish you all the very best for your recovery.

Hope x

Hey there,

Good to see you back and fighting. This addiction enjoys luring people back into the "action" but am really pleased to see you getting away from it's grip and coming back with more strength and determination to fight it.

You seem to have all necessary blocks in place...but wasn't it the same the last time? Did you find your way round them? The most important thing is you are back and in a positive mindset to kick this habit for good. Slips are only slips, but getting back up is what counts in recovery, so well done and welcome back...please stay and give your all to set yourself free..you and your family are worth only good things in life..no more pain, self loathing and anger towards yourself..only peace, honesty and happiness.

I really wish you well and hope that with all the support from this site you can let past losses go and carry on towards your goals in this journey. You know yourself how better life is without this habit crossing the path.

Hope to catch up soon...keep posting! !!

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Sandra thanks for your long post.

Fighting is the write choice of words and what a battle this will be. I only fear that i am too weak to win. I have failed so many times and just feel like giving up, not not this time though i am getting stronger each day. I read some dairies today and man i can relate to soooooo many. I cannot shake the ill feelings i have this time. They are really strong and i am not sleeping at all well. Waking up early in the morning and taking guilt and hatred and shame to work is really upsetting. I click on my bank account online and see the numbers and it just makes me so mad and sad. Well i know my posts lately are very grey and negative but I'm STILL here posting and reading others. I won't be beaten but ill feelings are beating me up at the moment. I can't control the emotions at this time but i can beat gambling because i have chosen to stop. I will continue daily and my goal this time is really simple i never made it to 3 weeks really ever this is a small goal for now and not even sure i trust myself to do it but i will try.

Oh took my 19 month old baby to the outside swimming pool today we both had so much fun and for that 1hr 35 mins i was ill feelings free. Just want to let people know that we can be happy, i proved it today and it had nothing to do with how much or how little money i had.

CasinoRoyaloser

Congratulations on day 4 you're a day ahead of me 🙂

So nice to hear about your time with your 19mnth old, those are moments to cherish and memories to hold onto when times are hard.

The blessing of children can really help us stay strong.

The gym is an excellent idea as you are putting your efforts elsewhere with healthy goals.

It sounds as if you are making really positive choices and are well on the road to success.

Keep winning C we believe in you xx

Hi C.L.

Thanks for popping in on my thread. Yes, my diary is quite long. I have been writing on it for almost 2 years now. I have fallen down a lot but, I have learned a lot about myself and about my addiction. The road of recovery is a very looooooong and twisty one but, I have met many really great folks along the way. Don't let the bad feelings over power you friend. One thing I learned is that gambling addiction loves us when we feel our worst. When we feel bad we want to go and gamble about it. You deserve to be happy and free of gambling. Hang in there and I will be following your progress. -joanxxx

Morning everyone and thanks for the posts Zally Judy.

Today i am at work very busy hospital i work in so will keep me free of temptation. I feel the same not much has changed but urges have not surfaved yet but its early.

Gym tonight looking forward to that going to channel some of my anxiety into the weights and get rid of some ill feelings. I always feel much better after good workouts. Happy to report it's day 4 and only 17 to go for my record of 3 weeks.

I am here checking in and letting you all know i will do this.

CasinoRoyaloser

Hi Casinoloser.

A great diary, the scary thing is that it is 100% accurate and every gambler can relate to it.

IMHO to give up gambling you can have all the councilling etc in the world but until you get that light bulb moment in your head then you will not succeed, the moment when you realise you have to stop.

I am there I believe you are there also. Keep strong.

Shaun

Hi casino loser,

Firstly thank you for your support on my diary.... I have just spent the last 45 minutes reading yours.... I can relate to your journey.... it is not my first time on the site..... I keep reminding myself yesterday has gone I can only focus on tommorrow... your story about your brother I could totally relate too and while many may struggle to understand this disease can almost make you come out of your own body and step into one that you just dont recognise....

Even with the blip your story did begin back in march and that was the start point for change....

I know that your drive can achieve this.....

Today we all dream tommorrow we live....

The dream is alive....

Db 🙂

Hi casino loser,

Firstly thank you for your support on my diary.... I have just spent the last 45 minutes reading yours.... I can relate to your journey.... it is not my first time on the site..... I keep reminding myself yesterday has gone I can only focus on tommorrow... your story about your brother I could totally relate too and while many may struggle to understand this disease can almost make you come out of your own body and step into one that you just dont recognise....

Even with the blip your story did begin back in march and that was the start point for change....

I know that your drive can achieve this.....

Today we all dream tommorrow we live....

The dream is alive....

Db 🙂

Hi CL

Echo Sean's post - but I would also add that you have to 'make this' your lightbulb moment.

I gambled for around 16 years, consistently, without more than a month's abstinence, spending about a third of my wage every month. I was badly in debt though kind of getting by without anyone else ever knowing about my problem (in hindsight keeping it a secret prolongued things greatly).

I had something of a moment of clarity back on 15th January 2013 and haven't gambled a penny since then.

What did it for me was basically this site, and to a lesser extent opening up to my girlfriend, which I did a bit later on.

However, it's only after quite some time of being gamble free that I started to look at the day I stopped as a light bulb moment. You have to work for that lightbulb moment. Don't worry if you don't feel you've had a dramatic seeing of the light at the moment. It's only when you look back that you realise it was.

Ultimately, and in less dramatic terms, you need to recondition yourself.

The great thing is, it gets easier, and in fact, compared to, say, re-training into a new vocation, or relocating, it's a relatively easy way of massively improving the quality and richness of your life.

Make this your moment