CasinoRoyalLoser my life

HI CL,

Glad you took the time to pop into chat tonight albeit for only a few mins, I have read all of your diary i can relate to every sinlge word you have written, Just remember what does not kill us makes us stronger. Everytime we make mistakes they give us extra tools to try and not repeat them. today i am not going to gamble, every1 can not gamble for 1 day, and i`m going to do that everyday. Stay strong m8

5 days free that is all

Hi CL

Keep going and stay strong

Suzanne xx

Hi CL

Just read your post on zallys diary keep strooooong and keep goooooing it's the only way

Suzanne xx

Day Six is here,

Feeling somewhat better, probably because im enjoying others diaries and reflecting on them. I am using others diaries and relating to most of them and it's always a good feeling knowing that there are so many others like me. Funny how it takes 30 yrs to realize that we are all on our own journey but it's the same path to recovery. I don't see the finish line but i see directions to it and that is all your diaries.I am feeling better today and hope to pluck up some better feelings so i can continue writing in my diary like early on in it. I do enjoy writing past stories but the feelings i have now are a bit of low esteem and depressive state. Wow is that me in the mirror or a broken rock bottom dude? can't really tell at the moment..

CL

Morning CL

Thanks

You may feel rock bottom today (whatever rock bottom is) but you got through the weekend you kept above water and now on day 6 how positive and determined is that

I am finding my feelings change every day (just like weather lol) I fact my moods can change some days hour by hour

It's bloody hard cos we can't control how we feel at this time with feelings and moods but we can control abstaining by choosing not to play whatever it takes

As you have said we are all dealing with this awful addiction in different ways but we are all on that same hard bumpy road to get there

You will look in that mirror maybe later today maybe the next hour but you will see yet another you and it will be a positive and determined you because you know the score

One day at a time is the way and I found it very eye opening to read your previous posts and I hope you finish posting them for yourself to finally get it off your chest cos then you will look in the mirror and know you have to abstain that is the way the road goes in the end

Keep strong

Suzanne x

Hi CL

Thanks for taking the time to read my diary and for posting your thoughts.

It's true that I only post occassionally but read more. Fact is I don't have urges anymore, hence I don't feel I have recovery related stuff to talk about. I still want to stay attached to this site - I remain a dangerous addict who mustn't ever gamble again.

You picked up on the fact that I'm a bit different, in that once I stopped gambling (after 17 years of constant), that I haven't really had urges. This isn't something that I try to go on about too much - as I can imagine it would be slighlty annoying for others to read. On the other hand, I did 'do my time' of 17 years so I wouldn't regard my way as any kind of sucess story. During that time I, incredibly, never properly admitted I was an addict - not really, I mean I would always be telling mysef 'never again' etc, but I wasn't honest about what I was. So opening up on here was such an incredible moment of consciousness for me.

I read your diary a while ago and found it interesting to read as it was well written, took you to an event and an 'o*g' moment in time. However, I can also see, from your posts that you seem geniunely interested in reading and listening to others, which bodes well for the future.

Oh, and regards my attempts to stop-smoking, in that sense I am 100% in sympathy with the constant urges. I'm on about a month now.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better today. Hope you can hang in there and keep building a solid foundation on which to grow your recovery.

Hi there,

You are doing it and dragging yourself back up. You found the courage in yourself to make things better. That's very positive. Slip is only a slip, you have to learn from it.

You asked to talk about how it feels. The same as you, I'm in a hell of a lot of pain right now. I suppose by beating ourselves up we only providing some fun time for the addiction. Let's stop doing it, let's dig ourselves up and look at the bright side. I'm sorry, not much in me to say today, but I believe we are in a pretty much the same mindset. ..just battle through these feelings, just do it as hard as it might feel. It is for the better. You are worth better.

You can do it..keep making the right choice..it will get better

S x

My mood has just changed to feeling really positive had to come here and share. Some days are so much better than others. Seems i have man PMS at the moment lol.

Hey CL

You don't have to look in the mirror you can feel it in your heart

(Male PMS not such a thing cos men would not cope with it lol)

Thanks for making me smile

Suzanne x

Hi CL

Yeah, MANstruation would come next and I don't think you want that.. ha ha. My moods are up and down on a normal day however a lot of folks have written about the withdrawal we recovering addicts experience when stopping. I got a lot of good advice from people about staying positive -- I never listened and I now wished that I had. It really does help. I know this from experience now. Anyway, the time will pass and so will the withdrawals. Easier said I know. There are days when I take it a minute at a time. Hang in there friend. -joanxxx

GOOOOOOD Morning from Dubai,

The sun is shining through curtains at 6am i woke up gave my little boy a kiss on the forehead he was pretty much sleeping on my chest I then looked over to my wife said morning beautiful i love you and today is 6 days G free. Today i woke up and decided from the get go i will live, i will be happy and i will cherish my family. I will as Duncs... says" gift myself with no losses or gambling today".

Yes my mood has changed since 6 days ago im feeling a lot better. I am now at work coffee in my hand. Opened up my online bank and instead of looking at about 10 deposits to gaming sites there are no outgoings just empty blanks, feels good. I have money in the bank albeit small but hey enough there to buy my baby a new dummy lol. I am getting in a better mood and will share my 8 weeks horror story soon. This is for me to reflect on so bear with me it will be like the Vegas story, oh btw i have yet to finish that one should finish it 1st before i start another story of my life.

Good morning everyone have a peaceful day.

CasinoRoyaLoser

Good morning.... and my continued thanks for your words on my posts.... they truely are helping to keep me focussed....

Soo jealous that you can wake up in dubai.... when I wake up In sunny wiltshire... still sun is shining here....

Still sun shines in many ways.... each time we go through the strength to resist the temptations of our deamons....

Today we dream.... tommorrow we live...

Dream alive....

:):):):):):)

Hi CL,

thanks for posting on my diary. my goal when i admitted to myself and to others that i had a problem was to save and buy a rolex DSSD by christmas, in 82 days i have amassed 5k and am just 3k short. i sold my rolex to fund gambling. not again. i am determined to have something to show for the hard work!

you can do this.

Steve

HC

Hope you are behaving over there lol

Remember one day at a time and you will win today cos you are not playing today

Keep smiling in that mirror and it will smile back

Suzanne xx