[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Dairy

Right - it looks like fighting time maybe here again, Let's roll up our sleeves and pray.

Had my check up this morning and was sent for various tests. The CA 125 levels have gone up drastically again and this means that the cancer may have returned. I'm saying may, because the levels could be this high for another reason. It could be rheumatoid arthritis. As I have had lots of joint pains since my chemo stopped last August, they are now doing all sorts of urgent tests. Already had to give more blood and had x-rays done today. Will have to go back for another scan as soon as they can fit me in and then I'm seeing the doctors again on the 9th April.

I need a group prayer in the meantime please.

Put a good word in for me upstairs. I would really like to stay here a bit longer. If God decides my time is up, then so be it, but I would really like to see my daughter get married in 2012 and start this driving job.

I have passed my test. I received my pass in the post today.

I now hold a valid Hackney licence and can take disabled children to and from school. God, let me do this for at least a little while please.

Have a good weekend in recovery

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Hi Charly.

Been reading through your post over the last couple of days and see you have come a long way.

You more than others on here have not only had to battle with gambling but cancer also!

From reading your posts i can see you have touched alot of people as they have you.

You seem like an amazing person who stays positive no matter what.

I'm usually not a praying person but reading your post i'll say a prayer tonight.

Keep Strong.

You can beat this!

Hi Charly,

Without going into too much detail on your diary I want to tell you that I have had high levels of the ca125 in my bloods in the past. There is a history of cancer in our family and I used to be regularly screened. You are probably aware that ca125 readings can vary dramatically dependent on what is going on in the body. I know hormones can play havoc with the readings and as a result give false highs. Let's hope that's all it is.

I will pray for you Charly...to make your mind and body strong. You can't go anywhere yet...too much to do.

Lots of Love Jas xx

Thanks for the lovely post on my diary charly - you have taught me the meaning of letting things happen and just accepting them.

Congratulations on passing your test, I remember you speaking about how nervous you were.

Im so sorry you are having these regular health scares. You have been through so much already! You are in my thoughts today. You cant go anywhere, you are far too special.

Lots of love,

f x

Thank you my friends for all your prayers. I am sure they are helping.

I am staying positive and focused and very busy. There is nothing I can do about whatever happens. Until the 9th April I will not let myself worry about it. Today is my angel's birthday and we are having a little special dinner tonight, just him and me and my lovely son. Angel and I went out yesterday to fullfil the last of my I.O.U.'s from my gambling times. How good that felt. We had a fab time on the old steam train Lord Nelson and the Pullman carriage. Had a lovely three course meal with proper old fashion waiter/waitress service and the beautiful Hampshire country side. It was fun..every time you had a bite and looked up, there was something different to see. We grinned, smiled and giggled all day.

Went to my meeting last night, tried to unlock the meeting place and..oh dear..they have changed the locks without letting us know or getting someone to open up for us. We had a mini meeting inthe car park for about half hour and then we all went back home 🙁

Today I shall go and discuss this with the relevant people as it is not acceptable for a meeting not to take place. Oh happy days...lol..... at least I no longer go in guns blazing...we are all humans and mistakes happen...Thank you "recovery programme".

I will be meeting a few of my old work colleagues this week and then go out with my angel again on Friday night. Keeping busy and close to my better half will keep me safe for the next three weeks.

Happy Recovery

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Morning Charly,

How wonderful... "Angel and I went out yesterday to fulfil the last of my I.O.U.'s from my gambling times. How good that felt. We had a fab time on the old steam train Lord Nelson and the Pullman carriage. Had a lovely three course meal with proper old fashion waiter/waitress service and the beautiful Hampshire country side. It was fun..every time you had a bite and looked up, there was something different to see. We grinned, smiled and giggled all day."

You would, no doubt have never given the time in those gambling days to have shared and appreciated such a beautiful day. Lovely.

Charly, you never cease to surprise me with your posts. You truly are special, girl I'm sure your Angel will agree and a far better person than I.... Even down to how you handled the un-accessible rooms. I too may of used the car park as a make shift... but would of been raging... Not you... and shows just how far you have come.

Please pass on my birthday wishes to your man... You are both in my thoughts 🙂

Jackie xx

Hi Charly

Thank you so much for your kind words on my diary.You seem to have a way of making people feel warm inside.I did after your post.

As said i don't pray too often but i'll save one for you for the 9th.

I wish you and your family all the very best.

Take care.

Viggo

Ahhh..Jackie.

For me you are more special than you think you are. and I am sure I am no better than you are Lovely Lady. You are so inspiring. With all that has gone on in your life and still is, you always find the time to read and support the people on this site. All the pain you are enduring, my heart goes out to you. Ltos and Lots of Love and Hugs to you from me.

Here is another daily thought form Hazelden:

We need four hugs a day for survival.

We need eight hugs a day for maintenance.

We need twelve hugs a day for growth.

--Virginia Satir

Virginia Satir was an internationally acclaimed therapist. She knew a lot about what people need to be healthy and happy and to live in good relationships with each other. She was very smart, and most of her advice was pretty simple.

Take hugs, for example. What could be more simple? One person reaching out to touch another person with safety and care. Very simple. But what do hugs give people? Comfort. Acceptance. The basics we all need no matter where we are at today.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me ask for the hugs I need and want today. Remind me today to offer hugs to the people around me. And help me feel the big hug You have for me too.

Today's Action

Today I will talk with my sponsor about this question: What is easier for me - to get a hug or to give a hug?

Two big dates in Charly's diary now.

The 9th April where my fate will be decided, is it going to be rheumatoid arthritis or is going to be the big 'ole "C" back again. Haven't really had time to think about that since last week Friday/Saturday, when the other big date in my diary appeared - 7th April.

That is when my boy of 22 and a bit has to go to the respiratory unit to rule out(as the doctors say) lung cancer. What a blow that was last Friday. He went for his check up after contracting pneumonia in Germany over Christmas and his doctor says, she's not happy with the x-ray results and he needs to see these people at the respiratory unit to rule out lung cancer. The appointment came through the post the next morning(Saturday) and now there are 2 of us anxiously awaiting these dates and at the same time being scared together. We say we aren't and we say we will not let this worry us until the actual day and until the results are in. We say there is nothing we can do about it and what will be will be. Most of the time our hearts feel that too. Only - sometimes it is very hard to let go and let God....

However..we are both poitive and believe that the outcome will be as follows...for my son...the shadows on the x-rays will be the scar tissue developed over many moons ago,when he had all his respratory trouble as a youngster and the many times he had pneumonia. For me...the CA125 levels are so high because the rheumatoid arthritis has muddled the levels up and is giving a false reading(very probable)

And if it isn't then we will fight this... it is said that God only gives us the things we can deal with. And it is ok... we will... what else can we do??? It is not in Charly's or son's nature to just give up... and so we shall go on...fighting...

No gambling thoughts for me.

This again would have been a really really good excuse to go and have one...or two... a few years ago. Because back then, anything would have been an excuse to gamble.

Not now... I am too busy living....

I apologise for not reading any other diaries just now... I will again soon, I promise....(and I keep my promises these days 🙂 )

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

(((charly))) & (((son)))

All this worry... its not right and its not fair, haven't you all been through enough... I do not understand your god.

You and your family are in my thoughts & heart but especially during this waiting period, which must seem so long. Odaat my dear friend.

Jackie xxx

It's all going on in Charly's life right now! I wanted to tell you that I am thinking of both you and your son. Lots of positivity from me to you.

Jas x

Hi Dairy

Thank you Jac for your hugs for me and my lad and thank you Jas for your positive thoughts.

Jac - "my God" as you call Him, is working just fine.

My faith has got me through last year and it will help us through this. It is already working hard. God is looking after us no matter what...if we do get ill, he will give us strength to fight whatever we must fight and if we don't, then He has taken care of the threat. I am grateful for every day I live and am around to see. I have good news.

My son's blood results came back fine. His CA 125 levels are normal, which means no cancer as far as I can tell. He will have his check up on Tuesday and a ct scan is scheduled for Thursday to make sure.

I thank everyone who has send a prayer. They are always gratefully received.

I wish all of you a Happy Easter and please remember; Easter is not all about giving and receiving Easter eggs.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx :):):)

Oops..almost forgot today's thoughts from Hazelden

I like this one 🙂

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Whatever you may be sure of, be sure of this, you are dreadfully like other people.

-- James Russell Lowell

Sharing our many experiences with our friends in Twelve Step meetings helps us understand how very similar we all are. We are unique only in the sense that each of us has a special contribution to make in life, one not quite like anyone else's.

Keeping secrets from others can make us fearful. We think. Could they really like me if they knew this? Yet we feel profound relief when we share our most shameful secrets in a meeting and the men and women listening to us don't blink an eye.

We no longer find rewards from pretending we're someone we're not. Our greatest reward now is the peace we experience from not having anything to hide. We have learned genuine humility and that we are equals with other people. No better, no worse.

Today I will enjoy the serenity of having no more secrets and will celebrate my humanity.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

Hi Charly,

I had no idea what was going on in your world this week, I am so sorry to read of all this anxiety and stress! I haven't been following the diaries or posting much, but I figure that this is ok if the reason is that I have been busy 'out there'. I guess there are only so many hours in the day, so rather than berate myself for not being around to support you guys, Im gonna give myself a high five for keeping busy and having lots of fun.

I am so happy to read your strength of faith coming through, as it is obviously a great source of strength for you. You have been in my thoughts. I hope you get positive results.

It is great that your son got good news, I cant imagine what that must have been like.

You are a role model to me, because you never let negative events get in the way of your recovery. I have a lot to learn from you.

Your post on my diary made me laugh, because it was as if you had chopped the lid off my head and peered inside! Either that, or you recognise a common pattern happening with me - I guess a lot of cg's are stuck in the 'look how bad I am' game. You were spot on girl, and thank you because it is nice to feel like people understand.

I dont think Im going to manage to scare him off before the wedding though, he seems to be determined to marry me! lol.

Take care, beautiful soul 🙂

f x

Hi Charly

What a strong person you are.Even when things are looking bleak ,your personality shines through. You have faith and im sure you knew in your own mind that the tests would go well.All the best Charly stay strong Jeff.