[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Dairy

Thanks Freda and Dee for your posts.

Charly girl is good.

Have spent a nice week with my man whenever we get a chance,we go for walks or just sit in the garden.

Chat with nurse went ok. I now know what to expect from this next chemo mixture and have already decided I am not going to have some of the side effect. My programme says I have a choice now and I choose not to be sick and I choose not to loose my hair again. So there. My Higher Power will take care of me.

This time I am to have 3 lots of chemo and then a ct scan to see if it is working and then 3 more. After that it's a case of keep looking at proceeding with chemo as and when needed.

I am so grateful that there is medication out there to cure this. Sadly you only get to hear when someone doesn't make it, when actually the percentage of people who are cured is way higher.

I am doing the Race for Life this year to raise money for Cancer Research UK and am so looking forward to it. I will be able to give a little back to the people who are now saving my life again. 🙂

www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/sabine19

I will not be running I might add, but I will be walking the 5km. Have been practising with my angel and so far so good.

Will have to see how it will be on the day when I will have had two lots of chemo. One of the side effect will be that my hands and feet will become red and very hot. I have been given cool pads by the nurse.

My sister says I can get proper gel packs for inside shoes. That'll be good. I can put them in the fridge and then use them during the Race for Life.

That's enough of my waffling. Just wanted to let you know that Charly is doing good. 🙂

No gambling thoughts for me...to be honest..I wouldn't know where to take the time from to gamble these days. What..with travelling to National G.A. meetings, regional G.A. stuff, group G.A. stuff, starting my new job on Thursday(can't wait). I love being busy. 🙂

Lots of love and Hugs

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Yesterday is over.

It is a fact of life that what is old dies to make way for what is new. Endings are often painful - we mourn the death of a relationship, we regret leaving a familiar neighborhood, we don't like to say good-bye.

Endings, though, give us the chance to begin again. A new friend comes in to fill the empty space left when an old friend moves away. A new school, a new job, a new season of the year - these are fresh starts that evolve from what has gone before.

We need not fear the inevitable endings in our lives. Daily, we are renewed. Our bodies produce new cells continually. When we are going through an ending, we may not be able to see the new beginning that lies beyond, but we can trust it will be there for us when we are ready. We can welcome the new opportunities that each day brings and consider them gifts from the Higher Power that is with us to guide us through each end and each beginning.

I will let yesterday end so that today can begin.

You are reading from the book:

Inner Harvest by Elisabeth L.

Hiya Charly... the link you put up doesnt appear to work? I will try later in case the problem is my end! xxx

Hi Jac

Thanks for trying

I have been having issues with my page from the start. Some people can get in to it, others can't. Try going through the main raceforlife.org page.

Much love

Charly xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The future you shall know when it has come; before then, forget it.

-- Aeschylus

The Fellowship keeps us grounded in the current moment. We learn to live today. Our planning and scheming and dreaming about tomorrow becomes less time consuming. The idea of living one day at a time makes sense to us. Our Program teaches us that life is not about to happen, it is happening, and each moment is important.

When we concentrated only on the future, we couldn't be happy with today. We thought if we could only get to tomorrow, things would be better. Tomorrow never comes, so we were always trapped in a hopeless situation. Now we live one day at a time, and grow moment by moment.

Recovery is about today and living life in the present. Since I no longer have to manage the universe, I have only myself to worry about today. I can let my Higher Power take care of tomorrow.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Have a good day in recovery.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

good to know you are ok charly

Hey Charly,

Glad to hear you are ok. I had wondered if you would still go ahead with the new job, but I guess why not? Dont push yourself too hard though eh?

I know what you mean about finding time for gambling - very hard! there are too many better things to do.

Take care,

f x

Charly. . Just a wee note to wish you well with your treatment. . I have just been catching up with your diary and was completely shocked with what i read. . The fact you take time out to post on other diaries and your travelling helping other s is truely amazing. . Bestest wishes. .wp

Thank you my kind friends for your encouraging words. They make this old girl smile every time.

1st chemo done and boy was that different. Went straight to bed with the biggest headache ever and was feeling really ill for the rest of Wednesday.

Yesterday was a lot better thanks to the marvellous medication that is available nowadays.:)

I didn't start my job yesterday. The bosses and I have decided to let me take my 3 day course of anti sickness meds first as they can make me feel a bit drowsy and dopy,lol

But..I am starting on Tuesday and I am looking forward to it. I have been given my route and it seems a nice little run, 1 1/2hrs in the morning and again in the afternoon. Suits me!

I am to book myself into college to do an NVQ2 and BTec in driving special needs chldren. Didn't know you could get these for driving, lol, always thought that was what a driving licence was for, but..apparently, the NVQ and BTec entale Health and Safety aspects, rules and regulations on how to deal with the children..you know things like, don't inappropriately handle or touch them, don't engage in personal stuff etc... all common sense which I will get a certificate for.. 🙂

My angel and I are off to Coventry later today via Rugby to visit his god daughter. We were meant to have gone camping but apparently the site never received the booking forms and are now fully booked for this weekend. Must be a reason for us not going there this weekend. Higher Power at it's best.

Will be fun spending time with angel's sister and partner and good to see god daughter again. With a bit of luck my girl and her man will join us from Nottingham for the day tomorrow. My lad is away until Monday night, we are all having fun this weekend. 🙂

Recently I had some weird dreams about going to a casino..but..not to gamble..I went in and was handing out little leaflets with the addresses of G.A. meetings on, trying to encourage people to give their lives a chance.

Hmmm...wonder what that means...am I getting too involed with G.A. again???

Ah well..I rather help the fellowship than the fat cats of the casinos. 🙂

You all have a fun packed or chilled weekend, however you prefer it, without the gambling demon.

God Bless

Sabine xx

Here is something different for today, to make you smile and maybe help you to decide soar like an eagle instead of quacking like a duck! :):):)

DUCKS QUACK, EAGLES SOAR

No one can make you serve customers well.....that's because great service is a choice.

Harvey Mackay, tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point.

He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey .

He handed my friend a laminated card and said: 'I'm Wally, your driver. While I'm loading your bags in the trunk I'd like you to read my mission statement.'

Taken aback, Harvey read the card.. It said: Wally's Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment...

This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, 'Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.' My friend said jokingly, 'No, I'd prefer a soft drink.' Wally smiled and said, 'No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke, water and orange juice...' Almost stuttering, Harvey said, 'I'll take a Diet Coke.'

Handing him his drink, Wally said, 'If you'd like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.'

As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, 'These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you'd like to listen to the radio.'

And as if that weren't enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he'd be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, to leave him with his own thoughts.

'Tell me, Wally,' my amazed friend asked the driver, 'have you always served customers like this?'

Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. 'No, not always.. In fact, it's only been in the last two years.. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard the personal growth guru, Wayne Dyer, on the radio one day.

He had just written a book called You'll See It When You Believe It. Dyer said that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you'll rarely disappoint yourself. He said, 'Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don't be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd..'

'That hit me right between the eyes,' said Wally. 'Dyer was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.'

'I take it that has paid off for you,' Harvey said.

'It sure has,' Wally replied. 'My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I'll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don't sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can't pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.'

Wally was phenomenal. He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I've probably told that story to more than fifty cab drivers over the years, and only two took the idea and ran with it. Whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn't do any of what I was suggesting..

Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice. He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.

How about us? Smile, and the whole world smiles with you... The ball is in our hands!

A man reaps what he sows. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up... let us do good to all people.

Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar.

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans.

SORROW looks back, WORRY looks around, and FAITH looks UP...

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Glad you got the first one out of the way!

Its lovely that you have your job to look forward to next week. Normality is so important when you are battling addiction.

Its so sad isn't it, that we all have to get a certificate in how to not be a paedophile! However, if it protects even one child...

I have grown fond of a little girl I see at work, just because she is such a sweet little thing. It's hard not to get attached sometimes.

Anyway, have a fab weekend.

f x

Hi diary. Had a nice weekend away with angel's family. Am not feeling too clever. The chemo is knocking the stuffing out of me a bit. But hey hum. Others are worse off than me. With the help of some anti sickness pills, I was able to start my new job today. Boy, this morning was tougher than I thought. Can't believe that a couple of hours driving left me exhausted. I came back and went straight to bed and slept for almost 2 hrs. Almost time to repeat the experience. I'll see the week out and then see how I feel. It's nice to earn money again, but I can't exhaust myself like this. Let's wait and see. Have a good gamble free week. God Bless. Sabine. xx

Hi Charly,

Glad your first shift is out of the way. I know our situations are very different health-wise, but I was off sick for a long time too. For me, nothing was more tiring than the first week back in work, after that it was much much easier. Hope this proves to be the case for you.

Take care,

f x

Hi Dairy

Thanks Freda for your words..and..you are right.. I am feeling better now than I did that first day...it is getting easier already and it is fun.

Have been trying to catch up with my gamcare friends as I have been neglecting the posting side of things for a bit. Still have a lot of reading to do. Am aiming to do a bit every day..

I am feeling good...sick at times..thanks to chemo..but good...

I have so many things to grateful for, things I have been taking for granted and shouldn't.

Since I stopped gambling I have been really busy looking at myself and trying to change things I didn't like about myself... I'm done with that now... oh, don't get me wrong..there are still things I don't like about myself, things I have done in the past and am not very proud of. I'm done with it because I can finally accept that there is nothing I can do about any of it. It happened. I made wrong choices, I said the wrong things( I'm sure I will say or do the wrong things at some point in my future life)

I guess what I am saying is...I'm ok with it. If I make mistakes and realise them, I have the choice to change them. I have a choice to change my mind over anything that goes on in my life. It is my life. If I want to gamble then I will go and gamble, no matter what anyone says. The difference to then and now is.. I know now that it is my choice...it is not because someone made me angry, or something happened and I didn't agree with it, it rained, it was too hot..whatever the situation..I have a choice...I can deal with a situation without having to go and have a gamble. I read your stories, I hear stories in my meetings, all sorts of different people having different experiences and situations happening to them. Some of them gamble because of the situations they find themselves in, others don't. I choose to listen to the ones that don't and learn that, if I ever am in that same situation, I do NOT have to gamble. I can deal with it.

That knowledge in itself makes me feel really good about "Me" I am proud of what I have achieved in the past few years and I am looking forward to every day without a bet and every day when I can say at the end of it" Today I have not gambled" and " Today I have learned something new"

Wishing you all a betfree week.

God Bless

Sabine x

Hi Charly. Thanks for your nice post. Hope that you feel better soon hun. You are an inspiration.

I lost me dear Mum in 1995, at a grand old age of nearly 87. I was stressed and gambling at the time. As soon as the probate was worked out I had to hand over £30,000, all the cash, to my wife to keep the business shored up. Horrible.

I fought anxiety all my life. One time I had a spell in hospital with it in my late teens. In my 20`s I worked my way up in a job that was amazing. Bought a house and life was good.

Risked all and started a business but right at the start I realised it was a mistake. It worked fine but was far too stressful. So stress = gambling for me. After we sold the house that my Mum had, we downsized our house but more and more was required to prop up the business. We were locked in a lease. To get more cash I bought a small franchise. What a waste of money that was.

At that point I felt consumed with self loathing. Tbh, suicidal. That was the turning point from almost daily gambling to just odd slips. I was burnt out

After I quit gambling I got a self employed job that I worked hard at and it went well.

How I changed. We had a total income of £30,000 a year. I went crazy. Paying down any debts. Amazing that when I finished the debts I went into saving mode. Have been a bit obsessive tbh but more healthy than machine feeding although every few months I might spend a tenner.

One day I found Safe Harbor, that was 4 years ago and the last day I had a bet. Then I came here.

These days our income is pretty modest but still we do what we want. Our needs are simple. I find that there is always temptation to be materialistic and have to guard. Many of my family think nothing of loads of holidays and nice cars.

I am dealing with another problem . I got into such a mind set of trying to save £10,000 or so a year and not being able to do it now I am finding it hard to deal with. How flipping mad is that?

There is no doubt that when you quit gambling you become a different person once you realise that you will hopefully never gamble again.

I guess it`s because I don`t harbour resentment that I will not gamble.

Take care my friend x x

Morning Sabine,

Just caught up with your diary. Good to see you are enjoying your new job...I hope it's taking your mind off your treatment. Your chemo will soon be over and done with but in the meantime make sure you have a good rest and take any pampering that is on offer! If I was close I would nip round a do you a reflexology treatment...wish I could.

You are in my prayers gorgeous girl..i have never met you but I just know you are a lovely person.

Jas and family xxxxx

charly,just a wee note to duplicate what others have said,your courage and determination is truely inspirational yet you still have time to share your thoughts with others,remarkable...best wishes...wp