[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Diary

Thanks for yreading and posting guys and girls.

Luv y'all

Had a phone call fromt he hospital last night and they have booke me a bed for Monday to try and get the other 2/3 of chemo into me.

Am not looking forward to that as I am an ickle bit scared and am thinking...what if I have another reaction to it. Don't really want to go through that experience again. But I guess..they have had these situations before and know what to do. I am sure they wouldn't attempt this if they didn't have stuff to give me to stop the allergic reaction.

I find myself at a point of having to put my faith into my Higher Power yet again. As it hasn't failed me in the path, it is becoming easier. I am to be there for 9am on Monday and I shall be there most of the day as they are going to push this through very slowly.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to let you do your stuff...

Have a good gamble free weekend.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

The slogan "Live and Let Live" can be extremely helpful when we are having trouble tolerating other people's behavior. We know for certain that nobody's behavior - no matter how offensive, distasteful or vicious - is worth the price of a relapse. Our own recovery is primary, and while we must be unafraid of walking away from people or situations that cause us discomfort, we must also make a special effort to try to understand other people - especially those who rub us the wrong way. Can I accept the fact, in my recovery, that it is more important to understand than to be understood?

Today I Pray

When I run headlong into someone's unpleasant behavior, may I first try my best to understand. Then, if my own sobriety seems threatened, may I have the courage to remove myself from the situation.

Today I Will Remember

Live and let live.

You are reading from the book:

A Day at a Time (Softcover) by Anonymous

One amazing story, one amazing woman....makes all our stories look trivial. ...will be thinking of you on Monday x

Hi Charly

Poor mike tyson he must be in a bad way.Still he lasted the distance eh lol.

You amaze me it sounds like you had a nightmare of a day and still took positives from it.wp is right makes all our stories trivial.Stay strong Jeff.

(((Sabine))) Love to you

Jackie x

Hi, Charly,

Nice meeting you in chat the other day. I'll be thinking of you on Monday. Just remember the staff at the hospital is even more prepared now than they were before you had your reaction to the chemo. You are in good hands! 🙂

Take care,

Tara

Charly, many many thanks for the kind words on my diary.

How are things going with the latest chemo?

We hope and pray that things are going well and look forward to hearing from you when you are feeling strong enough to tell us.

God bless

Stumper xx

Hi Diary

Thanks Stumper.

I was busy reading and writing on other diaries this morning, but I better update mine before I carry on, lol.

Got to hospital at 8.30 am Monday morning, was shown to my room. At 9.20 2 nurses came, connected the needle to my porto cath and took blood. They didn't realise they needed to test the bloods until then.

At 10.10am a junior doctor came and explained that once the bloods came back good, they would start the chemo very slowly.

At 12pm, I went in search of a nurse and asked if they had the bloods back. They checked and apparently, yep thy had come back a while back and the junior doctor asked the pharmacy to get the chemo ready and the nurse would go and see where the meds were.

She comes back and says, oops, pharmacy were not aware that chemo was needed there and then so need to prepare it now, won't be ready until 2pm amd would I like to go for a wander or something. I did. I popped in to the Mc Millan centre for a chat and a coffee, got back to my bed at 1.30, had half hour sleep and then went in search of a nurse again, who said she would go and check up on things.

At 2.40 I went the nurses station and asked again, at which point the staff nurse looked at me horrified and said..o*g, we didn't realsise you had an allergic reaction to the carboplatin and that you are here for a desensitisation. This will take 6 to 7 hours. I will have to go and talk to the ward supervisor. At that point I am thinking - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

They finally started the half hour pre-med(all the stuff to stop me from having an allergic reaction like piriton and half a dozen other things) at 2.50pm and the first of 4 bags of chemo went on at 3.30pm

1st bag = 1mg in 1 1/2 hrs

2nd bag = 5mg in 1 1/2hrs

3rd bag = 40mg in 1 1/2hrs

final bag = 400mg in 1 1/2hrs

Problem was, the ward I had the room in, closed at 8pm, so they had to move me to another cancer care ward at that time. The nurse who took me was raring to go home and was huffing and puffing at the request from one of the ward nurses to hand me over properly, at which point I snapped. I kindly pointed out to her,that, although I can understand that she really had a home to go to, so did I and it wasn't my fault that no-one on the whole ward, either talked to each other during the day or that anyone bothered reading my notes when they came on duty that morning.

I also pointed out that at least she could go home fairly soon, where as I would have to stay until 10.30pm, which would make my day a 14hour day.

I was also glad that I took my own coffee and sandwiches because I was offered one cup of coffee at 3.30pm and a sandwich round about the same time. No water or juice was offered, again, I was glad I came prepared.

All in all an appalling experience.

The good thing out of all of this is the fact,

that I did not have another allergic reaction and the chemo is once again dong what it is meant to do.

Angel and i went to see the consultant yesterday and we received very good news, although there was another hick up with communication and waiting times, but I can't be bothered.....

The tumor on the left lymph node ahs shrunk in volume by half after half the treatment - yiphee.

The small growths in the belly have shrunk too and the CA125 level is now at a record low of ..wait for it.... 47 - get in there.

For those of you who don't know. We all carry cancer cells and if the CA125 levels are below 30, they are deemed as normal.

The last 2 treatments I will have to have will be given very slowly again. I am sure, it will go better next time.

It will be on the 18th August.

There ya go, full update from Charly girl.

Have a great, gamble free week, my gamcarian friends.

God Bless

Sabine x

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Worry and Stress

"Make plans but don't plan results." This is a simple phrase cautioning us against unnecessary worry and stress.

If our plans involve other people, we would be wise to work joyfully toward realizing our dreams, but we should not expect or worry if others do not want the same goals. Nor should we worry if others are not as enthused about our ideas as we are. We know, by applying the Serenity Prayer, that we can only change ourselves; we cannot force changes in others.

Another cause of unnecessary stress in planning results comes from our ingrained habit of regarding ourselves as inadequate. All too often, those of us who make plans give up on ourselves when we predict the outcome of our dreams on the basis of our past experiences. We falsely conclude that because we failed or felt empty in the past, we'll most certainly not succeed in the future; thus, we quit too soon and rationalize our resignation with a "Why bother to try?" attitude.

TODAY I will make plans but not plan results. I will work out my plan, one day at a time, knowing that my past performance is NOT an infallible indicator of my present or future success. I will look forward with hope, not despair.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

Sabine you are just amazing girl!

I was laughing at the ... "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change" bit... I am afraid I would have just flipped out by then! Lol

So glad the results from your tests are looking so good. It makes all this stress and medications worth while... something to really focus on when you get those times throughout treatment that are not so good for you 🙁

Great to hear from you ((Sabine))

Jackie xx

Many thanks for you taking the time to post on my diary charly.....the most important issue of this post is your good news on your treatment...like I've said before your one amazing person helping others whilst you have your own difficulties...very inspiring and thanks again....wp

Charly, so many thanks for posting on my diary. Your warmness really shines through and with your positivity and spirit you will kick anything in to shape.

Most importantly is You and your ongoing treatment. With your glass continually more than half full!! You really are a true shining star and inspiration to my self and others!!

Thank you gamcarians for all your kind words. They always make this ole' girl smile 🙂

God Bless

S x

Today's thoughts from Hazelden are( I saw 2 and liked them both):

1)

Time spent attempting to change others affords little time for personal change.

--Georgette Vickstrom

We must be willing to change or we wouldn't be reading these words right now. However, being willing to change is often easier than doing it. One of the biggest changes most of us need to make is learning to let others be who they are, regardless of who we want them to be. Most of us think our lives would be far smoother and more productive if only other people lived up to our standards. How wrong we are!

It we could change others as we wish, we would live far less enlightened lives. In fact, we discover opportunities for personal development in our interactions with the men and women who frustrate us so. The irony is that we wish they'd change, but if they did, we wouldn't experience the growth we deserve.

I will enhance my growth today by letting others be who they are and working on myself.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

2)

Fair play is primarily not blaming others for anything that is wrong with us.

--Eric Hoffer

As adults, we accept responsibility for our feelings and our circumstances. We haven't chosen our own troubles, but we have the job of dealing with them. If a man falls and breaks a leg, he might say to someone, "It's your fault, and I'll make you pay for this!" But that won't fix his leg. The healing still has to come from within.

Our impulse to blame others is an attempt to escape our responsibilities. We become overcritical. We want someone else to take the rap for our pain and our misdeeds, but this only delays our wholeness. There is no point in blaming ourselves either. When we first confront our discomfort directly and accept responsibility for dealing with it, we feel an inner urge to escape again. If we stay with the discomfort a while, a new stage begins -- the healing and acceptance stage. A feeling of wholeness comes, a feeling of being a real person, of having reached our full size.

May I not indulge in blame today - toward myself or anyone else. Instead, may I be strong and responsible.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

High five!!!! Im so glad to hear that your health is improving!

You seem like a very patient person, but my goodness, some people are oblivious to how inconsiderate they are being! Not the right time to feel sorry for yourself whilst transporting a chemo patient!!!! Sounds like nothing on this earth would give that nurse a better sense of perspective! Must have been the last thing you needed!

But that is past now - and you are on the mend, which is wonderful news 🙂

Thanks for your post on my diary - I know in the great scheme of things, feeling ignored by a friend isnt that bad, but it makes me so sad how a lot of us have dumped PEOPLE at the bottom of our list of priorities. A sad state of affairs.

Anyway, hope you have a wonderful weekend.

take care,

f x

Hey Sabine,

That hospital visit sounded like my idea of hell,makes me go cold just thinking about it.

Great news that the chemo is on track tho so must be worth it. I admire the way you are coping with all of this, you deserve the compliments like it or not!!

Good luck for the next session,love to you and your angel.

W xxx

Good Morning Diary

Another week has passed, another week improving this "work in progress".

Funny, there is always something in every day that makes me smile, a child outside, exclaiming excitedly -

c'mon Mum, hurry up, Nan and Grandad are waiting for us at home -

or a passing couple, exchanging loving glances at each other -

the man with his camera or binoculars, finding amazing things on the other side of the lens. Or just -

the sun is shining or the rain is coming down watering the plants.

If I really look, there is always something to smile about and be grateful for...

For too many years I took it all for granted. Often, I only missed something or mourned something, when I could no longer get hold of it, look at it, touch it or talk to it. And even that emotion was difficult to feel whilst gambling.

It almost feels like I am only now opening my eyes to the beauty around me.

Oh...I have always seen the misery...thrived on it, made it an excuse to go and gamble and to cause even more misery...

It is nice to be able to wake up in the morning now and tell myself...

today is going to be a good day... people, situations occurences will try and change that... I will adapt..I will deal with all of that and tonight, just before I go to sleep I will think of today and say...

Today was a good day!

Have a good day in recovery!

God Bless

Sabine x

The winds of grace are blowing all the time.

You have only to raise your sail.

--Sri Ramakrishna

If God seems far away, who moved?

At the center of our being a fullness of life exists that wants to flow through us as vitality, love, harmony, happiness, and success. Why, then, are we not more in touch with it?

Consider the following image: You are standing outside on a bright, cloudless day complaining that you cannot see the sun, when you notice that you have been standing under an umbrella. If as little a thing as an umbrella can block out the magnificence of the sun, how easy it is for our fears, doubts, and feelings of unworthiness to block the connection to our source. But just as the sun continues to shine even behind the appearance of clouds, our inner-knowing is ready to communicate with us in the midst of our despair.

How do we reopen the channels and allow the flow to reenter our lives? First, we must truly desire to communicate with our center and set aside a time each day to do so. Then, get quiet and begin to listen. Soon you will hear that still small voice within.

Your divine self is patiently waiting for you to acknowledge it. It quietly, but persistently, knocks on the door of your consciousness. Open that door and a presence of love and joy will fill your being.

You are reading from the book:

Listening to Your Inner Voice by Douglas Bloch

Hi sabine,

Glad to hear you are relishing the simple pleasures in life! you are right, they are all around us.

You have an amazing, beautiful spirit. It jumps off the page 🙂

Take care,

f x