Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Hi Michael...congrats on your quarter of a century! You're doing amazingly well! Yours is always the first diary I look for when I log on! Thanks for your entry on my diary it really gives me the encouragement I need to keep going 🙂

I know what you mean about Christmans expense....luckily I have managed to do most of the present shopping but its the food and drink that seem to cost an absolute fortune as well! Oh well, I suppose it's only once a year (thank goodness!!)

Lots of Love

Shorty xxx

Day 26

Thanks Shorty. I'm feeling that the further I get into this, the less I concern myself with the day number. Really, Day 26, Day 10, Day 500 whatever, is not the point. The point is, I'm not gambling and the way I feel at the moment, 26 days may as well be a lifetime away. But, my constant reminder of this is the debt burden, which is always there, and can't be forgotten about. 5 Credit card bills a month to pay (the CC I should have paid last month still has a few hundred on) - still plugging away. Reducing min payments gradually each month.

Hi Micheal.I would just like to echo shorty,s comments and congratulate you on your quarter century.I myself, like shorty look for 3 diarys when i 1st log on.They are your diary, gettingthere,s diary and ex - gambler jeffs diary.I follow your diarys with great interest as they are true to heart and honest day to day feelings when quitting gambling.

I can totaly relate to the things you say when the days you have been gamble free start to be irrelevant.This is a very good sign as it means you are in the" non-gambler zone " and therefore are getting used to having gamble free days.

You are doing well my friend, stay vigilant though, i am not trying to put a downer on you but just trying to say that the gambling bug can strike when we think we are in the clear and have our guard down as it has in the past.

I also totaly agree with youe earlier post that life is for living and i was told once that its best to have 8 months of being careful with money and having small rewards rather than 6 months of total misery.I feel that because you are working so hard and achieving your goals you should reward yourself with a small treat nw and then.I know you just want to get your debt down and totaly understand that but you know what they say about all work and no play.

keep strong buddy as the one thing that happens to us all whilst paying debt is the further down the road we go driving the debt down, it snowballs into the fact that the interst we owe is less so the results seem greater and notice alot more towards the end which is great motivation.

Also can i ask you, Have you thought about juggling 1 or 2 of your cards ?. I know a certain uk supermarket is doing 9 months interest free balance transfers and 15 months on all purchases at the moment.Just thinking if you dont have thi card you may be able get one, transfer the worst credit card balance to it and get 6 months interest free where you can then really smash down the debt on 1 or more of the others and become debt free quicker ?.Just a thought mate.

Either way you are doing great.keep punching the debt as its coming down faster all the time.

All the best

Steven

Day 27

Steven - Many thanks for your comments, and I'm definately thinking about getting some 0% BT cards. I do have 1 (and a bit) high interest card left, which I'm aiming to get completely paid off my Jan2012 - although I reckon this is a tall order with Xmas around the corner - but I'm still a bit nervous about giving myself extra credit at the moment. I'm definately in the gamble-free zone at the mo, but I know from bitter experience, that gambling thoughts can quickly return when stress and strain appear - Xmas time is particularly bad for this.

Anyway, some good news today - I've been invited to a job interview on Friday with a worldwide company, with regional office in my area. Salary seems OK, but almost definately less than what I earn now. Nevertheless, if I take the VR offer from work, which will pay off the CC's entirely (just), then the reduction in salary should hopefully be less than the min payments I was paying on the CC's. Slightly nervous, because I 'stretched the truth' with one of the required skills on the application, and I think it's one of the core skills they're looking at. Not sure whether I should spend the next 2/3 nights swotting up and just leave it and see what happens. Anyway, I have nothing to lose with this, as my current job I understand is, for the time being (i.e. the next 1 or 2 years), safe.

Great news on the job front, hope the interview goes well.

I agree with Steven with regards to this credit card reshuffle. Why pay unnecessary high interest when you can switch to another one and save money.

What is really important if you do this is to always pay at least the minimum balance and never spend on it or withdraw cash.

Go on moneysavingexpert for some really good advice and the latest deals on this.

GT

I've been brought crashing back down to earth wrgds the job interview. My OH didn't like the fact that I'd applied without her knowing, and I had a short telephone interview last week, and didn't let her know. She's basically had a real go at me, and thrown it back in my face, and I feel utterly deflated by the whole thing. But I admit, it was my fault for not being so open, however, after our conversation a few weeks ago, about work, redundancies etc, and the vibes of complete indifference I was getting, then I basically thought "Right, I'll show you!". But all it's done is created a wall between us.

I really don't have any appetite to attend the interview now - I just feel a mixture of regret and anger.

I have a job with decent money, but no prospects and is s**t boring. But the money is so good, I don't think my OH can see why I'd want to move out of the comfort zone and try to better myself - but I really cannot bear to think of the rest of my working life stuck where I am now, regardless of the money.

Hi Michael

i read your diary reguarly and im sorry your oh seems to have crushed your enthusiasum for your new job prospects maybe when she has calmed down you can explain to her how important it is to you.

If this job means so much to you maybe you ought to fight your corner.

I hope everything works out for you.

stay strong hun.x

Hi Michael

Your diary is certainly one of the best on here and is recommended reading for all CG's and others - ? like me ? - teetering on the brink. Thank you for being so forthright and honest.

I do sometimes think you push yourself too hard though.

Reading your latest thoughts regarding a change of job I would advise caution. Yes, you may currently be in a dead boring job, but, as you say the salary is good. Wouldn't it be best to sleepwalk there for another couple of years or so when hopefully you'll have broken the back of your debt problem ?

By your own admission you used a bit of ' creative accounting ' to describe skills you need for the new post, so, even if you get through an interview it may be you'll get found out fairly soon thereafter. Even if that doesn't happen as with any new job you'll be out of your present ' comfort zone '. Do you need that additional stress with all that's pre-occupying your thoughts right now regarding the debt. ?

Sorry to throw what's probably an unwelcome spanner in the works but moving to another job does have it's risks even in the best of times.

Best wishes

Blackjack

Hi Micheal,

If you dont mind me saying i have to agree with blackjack about the situatuion regarding the new job at this present time.I would like to echo what was said and also at this present time would it not be better to have a good salaried job that you may find boring ?.

Also dont be to hard on yourself though and blame yourself for your OH,s rant.You are fully entitled to phish for jobs and look at options in life.You do not have to consult every thought in your head.I could understand your OH,s rants if you had actualy TAKEN a new job without talking to her first but you havent.So dont let it get you down as the bottom line is your emplyment situation has not changed so she has no reason to have a go at you.Also its your life and your choice.Nobody has the right to rule their OH and tell them what job they can and cant do.I am not saying their input does not matter but they are not the ones doing your job.I feel she should support you and trust your judgement to do the right thing.After all, as far as jobs go,by your own admission you have a well paid job so you have done ok making your own choices and career so far without any help in that department.You got to where you are by hard work and your own judgement so your judgement has been good so far and your OH should realise that.Do you question every move she makes ?.And would she tollerate it if you did ?.

On the other side of the coin though, i personaly have found nearly every job i have done a challenge at 1st but every job soon turns into " Groundhogg day syndrome " once you enter that comfort zone and we get used to it.

Could it be that you want to change your life and you are not happy in general because your situation is getting to you with your debt and ups and downs with your OH and you feel your job, at the moment is the only aspect of all this that you can change today giving you a new outlook on life sooner and feel that may bring you happiness whereas the debt will take time. ? ( I hope you dont mind me asking buddy ? ).What i am trying to say is, even though your job may be boring its one of the stable elements you have in your life now that can, and is getting you out of your debt and then, when you are debt free you may be more contented and happier in yourself without the stress and begin to enjoy things more, including your current job.

I would stay put at the moment as you have a safe job, your debt is coming down and you are able to keep it from your OH thus avoiding extra problems that you dont need at the moment.But thats just my opinion thats all.

I myself had similar thoughts about a year ago.You sound like you are feeling the way i was.I looked at myself and my life and i thought " Is this it ? " Then, after sleepless nights of wondering if to get a new job and change things i looked around me, I thought " Hang on, What i have now is not to bad ". I realised alot of things i could afford then and took for granted i would have to think twice on my new salary before buying.Also there was no gaurantee the new job would be more enjoyable.Just the gaurantee of less money therfore reducing my standard of living so, after many sleepless nights and days and torturing myself with the " Should i ?, Shouldnt I ? " thoughts i decided to stay put and i am glad i did.The new job i would have taken went belly up within a year.

Also when you replied yesterday about not sure of wether you wanted more credit on an interest free credit card i can totaly understand.I was just thinking that you could transfer the highest interest one to it and get 9 months grace.That would get you past xmas right through to july interest free.Also 15 months interest free on purchases therefore you could literaly live interest free for 15 months and get some of those other card paid of.Again, just my take on things Micheal.

I cannot say which supermarket is doing the interest free card offer on here. but, if you get the card " every little helps " 😉

Just my take on things though my friend.I wish you luck in whatever you decide, the one thing i know though is that if a choice takes up to much thought and time then dont do it as there are to many doubts my friend.

Being in debt through gambling can make us doubt and question many other aspects of our life without us realising it as gambling can take more than just money if you let it, It can also take our self esteem, our confidence and our ability to stand up for ourselves as we sometimes see ourselves as weak.I am not saying thats how you see yourself Micheal.Its how i saw myself.You are winning your fight Micheal and you are getting stronger every day as you are going towards that debt free day.Every day you wake up is a day where you are closer to that day so you will be stronger.

I hope this helps my friend.

Good luck in whatever you decide though,keep us posted as though.As i said yours is one of the first diarys i look for when i log on and i have followed all of it so if i can help please feel to ask.

All the best

Steven

I agree with everything being said and I hope that you will be able to take all this advice on board.

Yes, you may be in a 'dead-end' job but as you say the salary is good and this is so, so important during this recovery process. Let the debts sort themselves out and you will then be in a far better position to look at your options again.

As for wanting some excitement, surely there must be something that you can do to keep your mind off from work when you finish? Something to look forward to each evening or the weekend would certainly help your day go by that bit quicker.

For me, jogging really does work. It is something that blows all my cobwebs of worries away and I have just come back from a wonderful 3 mile run in the crisp clue sky October sunshine.

Have a think.

GT

Day 28

Elizabeth, Blackjack, Steven, GT. Wow, your comments have (and not for 1st time), lifted me and helped me see sense - and once again I can't thank you enough - if I could buy you a virtual drink I would. This battle would be lost long ago without your supportive comments.

Anyway, I've heard through the grapevine today, that we won't be allowed to take VR because of the area we're in, which is good news. So I'm going to knock the interview on the head. Blackjack, you're absolutely right about the "comfort zone" - I took a job a few years ago, which knocked me right out of the comfort zone - it was incredibly stressful, and I left after only 6 months, in spite of the excellent salary. In my current state of mind, that is absolutely the wrong place to be.

I've been asking myself why I'd want to leave my job, and deep down, it's because it's a 1-way ticket out of CC debt. Something that I'll get to anyway in a few years time. I have enough stress with dealing with this debt, to take something that will more than definately add to it.

So the decision has been made - I stay, and politely decline the offer of an interview, which I now know I can get which is comforting in itself.

After this reshuffle at work, I envisage things to settle down for a few years at least. In which time, I hope to be debt free.

My OH was unsupportive yesterday, but today she brought me breakfast in bed !!! Perhaps she feels a bit guilty about what happened yesterday. A bit of a love/hate relationship to be honest.

Anyway, for now, no gambling thoughts, and I press on.

Thanks michael

Iwill definatly check that out thankyou

Im glad to hear that your once again feeling settled about the job in your own head.

Breakfast in bed sounds like a definite sorry lol

stay strong.x

Hi Michael

No need for the thanks. You open your heart out on your diary and I'm sure myself and the others are only too pleased to comment as long as it helps.

I'm pleased you've decided to stick with what you've got work-wise. You've got enough on you plate trying to keep all the plates spinning right now as it is without any more stress.

Cold-shouldered yesterday then breakfasted in bed today ? At least you've got a consistent OH there, Michael ( lol ).

Women, eh ? ( with the exception of Elizabeth 40 of course...) I've been married since the 1970's and still don't understand them. I sometimes think it would be nice to be married to a man's brain in a woman's body.

On second thoughts that might well lead to yet more misunderstandings.....

Hi Micheal,

I am glad that you are happy in the way things have turned out.Also i can totaly see how its comforting to know that you can still get other interviews and jobs if you want to.It can sometimes be enough just to know we can do these things if we want to.Its good to know we still have the choice and can control our life in that way.

I can also fully understand that you just wanted to pay of the cc,s straight away.The thing is though would your OH not wonder where your redundancy money went ?.I really think, for what my humble opinion is worth that by staying where you are you are in the strongest position to get to the debt free day.I mean, look how far you have come in such a short while, you have paid of thousands already which is great.It shall not be long before that debt free day comes.Time soon goes and that closure date shall come sooner than you think.

As you said in your diary you dont count the days anymore since you last gambled.Thats a very very good sign as you are getting more and more used to not gambling.You are now filling that time with other things and getting used to being in the non-gambling zone.

I too have a love hate relationship with my OH by the way and thats how i can totaly relate to everything you say about your relationship lol.I think you have to live it like we do to understand it lol.

Well i have, as i have posted in my diary taken up swimming and to be honest i think i have overdone it a bit today so i am going to do 3 things :-

1) Have a soak in a hot bath as i have overdone the swimming.

2) When i have had my bath try and do a stealth attack and take control of the t.v remote from the kids.

3) I am going to pour myself that virtual drink you wrote you would buy me, with plenty of ice, and chill out my friend lol.

All the best and i hope all is going well.

Steven

Day 29, Day 30

Didn't post yesterday. The laptop which was the tool I used to get me into this mess has finally given up the ghost I think - a sign possibly ? So internet access has been restricted somewhat. But I was swearing and cursing somewhat last night as I tried in vain to get the d**n thing working. This episode has made me realise how utterly dependant I've become during the last few years on this plastic box of wires - the scene reminiscent of Gollum having his ring taken in the Lord of the Rings - "My precious". Bloody hell, have I become this reliant on the internet ?

Anyway, I do have too many irons in the fire to give up Internet access entirely, and I have a number of documents that I need to retreive from it, but again, another lesson and food for thought.