Confessed but now afraid

Better tomorrow

Hi

I use to fear being honest.

I use to think that being honest would be  painful and that people would  leave me.

Now with out fears I am able to have healthier realtionships with my self and other people.

Each time I went back to gambling which I did many times.

I got to understand what my last emotional trigger was.

I do not want or need to gamble today.

For me it is just about just for today I will not want or need gamble.

With out me gambling I learn to heal my pains.

With out me gambling I learn to reduce my fears.

With out me gambling I learn to do more ehalthy thinsg with my time.

Dave L

@lrw50 it has been a better few days, I hope it has for you too. 

Feel a great weight off my shoulders from opening up to my partner and family. Time to focus on recovery.

I know that feeling of relief when you tell them.   

Yes recovery starts now.

Good luck 

Thank you Lrw50, appreciate the support. 

Committing to keep posting here, I hope it’ll help me at least straighten my head out. 

Currently with my parents as my partner and I have agreed to take time away from each other. Scary, but I’m glad she can speak with her parents and figure out what is best for her. The support she’s given me now and in the past means the world. 

Referral call tomorrow to see what help I can get, hopefully going to my first GA meeting this week and I’ve additional talks to have with doctors - suffered with anxeity and depression which I know only gets worse with my gambling, lies and eventual self loathing. 

Looking forward to speaking with people this week. 

CJ

So far this week has had its ups and downs, as most do. It feels like it’s been a long one. 

I spoke to a one to one counsellor on Monday who I’ll be continuing to meet with on zoom for the next few weeks. This was a great hour, and I felt like the person really understood the situation, spoke with a level head and gave some great early advice. Understanding the addiction side of things a bit more made me feel better, less of the overwhelming feeling that I’ve been destroying my life on my own. Not to take away from the fact these have been my choices, but to some degree I’ve been controlled by it. 

I also attended my first GA meeting, this was a lot to take in and walking into the room for the first time I felt scared, nervous and ashamed. But I was welcomed, was given a cup of tea and a chance to hear experiences from the past, how peoples weeks had been, and to be honest, questioned why I had never gone to one before. I have a little intro as to why I had come and the shared experience really helped. 

Work is going poorly at the moment, I’ve not been anywhere near as present as I should have so it’s to be expected. But I’m confident I can continue to give my best. 

Today I’m 8 days without a bet - feeling disgusted with the industry, must stay vigilant. 

CJ

Your doing great well done .  I've not done so well.. little slips here and there but nothing major.  On a positive I've been paid. Paid all my bills and transferred most of the remainder to my husband .  Fresh week coming up good luck 

Thank you! I hope those slips weren’t too hard on you, it’s really tough to avoid them early on. Great to have your bills sorted, that hopefully brings some peace of mind. Well done for handing the money over! 

Me and my partner broke up today. I guess I kinda knew it was coming, definitely hurts all the same. 6 years with a wonderful woman. Don’t know if anyone else really gets a chance to read this. Could do with some advice.

CJ 

Sorry to hear this.. I'm unsure what to advise but can you work through this ?  Have u reached out for further support ?   Maybe someone else will comment with extra advice & support.  

Blips weren't big at all but felt that wasn't the point.. was angry disappointed and depressed .. but I'm.carrying on trying.

Thinking of you

Thanks @lrw50, we’ve not spoken since things ended on Sunday - I’m just going to give it some time and yeah hopefully we’ll speak.

I’ll maybe go on a hunt for forum posts on this subject. 

Definitely tough on the spirit when those blips happen, I hope you’ve had a good week so far no matter how things have gone. 

I had my second GA meeting yesterday, few more people at it and it was really good to hear success stories and how people were coping, things they thought about that I hadn’t considered. Hopefully can keep these up. 

CJ