I gambled today again and maxed out my credit card , line of credit plus cash I had in my wallet , at one point I got all my money back but couldn’t walk out , I was clean for 20 days and now I’m back at day 0 . To those replies to my earliest post I’m currently living in Calgary Canada I’m self excluded from all casinos in my province but that never stopped me . I just hope I can make it through the night . Tomorrow will be day 1 .
I just hope I will be able to find a reason to keep fighting and not give up I’m hurting again just want to dissapear .
Hi there Peter
All I can say peter is to not become disconnected from family and close friends as isolation only compounds the situation keep all lines of communication open and if anything try harder to open up
As we all know the battle is never ending and all we can do is help each other always and in that spirit of cooperation get ourselves to where we should be
Let’s work together for you and all of us. Best
Hey Peter
I am sorry to hear you're having a tough time.
I know how you feel, we've been there millions of times and yet there is still plus one. Please don't judge yourself too harshly as it will fuel more of the same. You achieved 20 days and that shows you can do it. Recovery is not easy, it takes so many falls. Requires many drops before we can learn to stand upright again.
You're dealing with an emotional illness here. But it's highlighting to you that something is missing in your life, that continuously makes you vulnerable and you give into gambling. You need to find that root cause and try and deal with it as best as you can. In the meantime, maybe it's a good idea to take little cash with you when you leave your house and a debit card with a gambling lock on, not a credit card.
What I learned over the years through my struggles with gambling addiction was, first I needed to find what it was that pushes me towards gambling everytime, and it was mostly the same thing everytime. I needed to learn to be patient and find something constructive to replace the time I would otherwise spent to gamble.
I know that what I am saying to you doesn't make much sense right now, but my friend, if you don't make changes in your life, this vicious circle will continue until it consumes you to non existence and that is the last thing I want to see happening to anyone. Please, keep on fighting and choose life, we've got you.
Take care.
Ergos
I gambled today again and maxed out my credit card , line of credit plus cash I had in my wallet , at one point I got all my money back but couldn’t walk out , I was clean for 20 days and now I’m back at day 0 . To those replies to my earliest post I’m currently living in Calgary Canada I’m self excluded from all casinos in my province but that never stopped me . I just hope I can make it through the night . Tomorrow will be day 1 .
I just hope I will be able to find a reason to keep fighting and not give up I’m hurting again just want to dissapear .
Hello Peter,
Well done for opening up about your slip.
After a setback, you have an opportunity to transform it into a learning experience, that could help you to identify unmet needs or unused recovery methods.
You mention you are based in Calgary, Canada, so please consider talking it over with your local addictions helpline in Calgary, they are free to call from within Alberta and they are available 24 hours a day:
1-866-332-2322
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/amh/Page14063.aspx#details-panel14068
https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/findhealth/service.aspx?Id=1008399
As you suggested that you experience suicidal feelings at times, you might also consider using your local free Canadian suicide prevention helpline, they too are available 24 hours a day and are free to text or to call on 988
Take care,
Adam.
Hi peter, I commented on you’re first post and spoke to my partner about you’re first post. I kind of knew this was coming again hence my panic at the start about seeking extra support in which I hope you get if you haven’t already.
I was once in Calgary a number of years ago and I have been to the casinos and pubs with the 500 dollar slot machines etc etc I know how hard it is to get away from those machines and block yourself! I truely understand how hard it is and to get help.
I was in the army at the time blowing my monthly wage packet in one night in those casinos and you can’t get away from the scratch cards in garages either! It seems that gambling is entrenched more so in your country of Canada than most places and it’s horrible. I don’t know if you have GA physical meetings near by but it’s worth a look into. Just remember you are not alone in this
Its rare we get a follow up message from some one who has relapsed so quickly which indicates you are a fighter and want to fight this horrendous addiction and it maybe day 1 tomorrow but just remember that be that day you won’t gamble and take each day as it comes and don’t let it all come on top of you.
if you get the chance please join the online chat room some time, I am there on some days but feel free to @ me any time
dave101
@dave101 hi
I don’t know how to use the chat rooms every time I click on if there is never anybody there I would also like to join the messenger and what’s app groups but don’t know how .
Peter
@dave101 in Calgary we have casinos everywhere not small ones like in Europe but huge ones they also couldn’t care less who is or isn’t self excluded I’m really at the end of my rope I’m so broke again just when I was starting to have some money I went and blew it all . We have ga meetings in Calgary maybe I need to start going there again they just never helped me .
You have to accept that casino’s don’t care about you. Only you care about you. I used to gamble on sports. I now accept that sports betting websites do not care about me.
Take one day at a time. You have the ability to say no to being ripped off at a casino. This is important. You need to know that you will feel a hundred times better when you stop. 🤔
@dave101 in Calgary we have casinos everywhere not small ones like in Europe but huge ones they also couldn’t care less who is or isn’t self excluded I’m really at the end of my rope I’m so broke again just when I was starting to have some money I went and blew it all . We have ga meetings in Calgary maybe I need to start going there again they just never helped me .
just give GA another shot, I know it’s not for everyone but they can potentially help more so than a website, I wish I could go to GA every week but I can’t due to working nights… so I come on here for help and support others.
dave101
@b35wu7ym1z the group chat rooms are open at certain times so please look on the website and adjust for time zone as they are displayed for the United Kingdom time zone. I am not sure about what’s app groups tho.
Hi
Each time I went back to gambling was a lesson if I was willing to learn from it.
A person asked me how much my last bet cost me in money.
I told him how much I lost and he said it was a cheap lesson if you learned any thing from it.
I got to learn that I needed more room if I find it hard to stop.
I am able to remain clean by attending one meeting per week.
The money I put in to the collection I view it as an investment in to my future.
The recovery program helped me live a much healthier life with any addictions or obsessions.
Thank you for your sharing.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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