Ok day 5 complete drama free... not even a scratch card which means zero has been spent on gambling... this also means I have spent very little money this week which is a bonus.... the weekend now and hurdles to ride but with the site and a new belief I know I can do it....
Today I still dream...... tommorrow I live.....
Dream alive
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 x
Ok day 5 complete drama free... not even a scratch card which means zero has been spent on gambling... this also means I have spent very little money this week which is a bonus.... the weekend now and hurdles to ride but with the site and a new belief I know I can do it....
Today I still dream...... tommorrow I live.....
Dream alive
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 x
Day 6.... saturday.... for me like many the dreaded day..... I am going away for the night... in pubs with flashy lights..... in a new town centre with the bookmaker temptations...and a casino near by...... but today I will be strong keeping in mind the desperation after last weeks disasters..... the 750 added to my credit card still fresh in my mind......
Today I will still dream.... tommorrow I will still live
Dream alive
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
db56,
Saturday is a very hard day and i want you to constantly say to yourself Saturday i will not gamble as tomorrow Sunday i will have joy in positing on here that you made it through the day gamble free. I want you to feel so proud tomorrow. Looking forward to that post tomorrow morning ok pal.
CasinoRoyaLoser
Day 7,
I survived all the temptations of the weekend and god there were many....... today was the forst time in my 33 years and didnt end up in an arcade... I enjoyed the time soo much more....
One week down and going strong.....
Today I dream tommorrow I live...
Dream alive
:):):):):):):) x
Day 8,
After surviving the weekends challenges it is back to work and another week hopefully gamble free.... I had the strangest dream last night.... I was walking aimlessly around after another gambling binge....walking through fields and bushes trying to find my way home.... I ended up at tesco express where I couldnt buy the items in my basket because I had no money.... dreams can be wierd but it is probably due to the ammount that gambling was on my mind this weekend.....
See whilst I was able ti resist it this weekend the urges were still there.... when at the garage to get petrol... when in the supermarket buying new sunglasses.... when presented with a 10 pound scratchcard that my parner had bought for us scratching it off with him and winning and then collecting the money without buying more.... I have now explained that I am not buying any more..... when at the sea front and the butterflies of shall I go into the arcade and and just have one quick gamble but the pride in resosting and actually enjoying the sun and real time with my partner.... being able to breath....
True I drove home yesterday with all urges strong but I resisted them and I could go to sleep and have the crazy dreams with a clear conscience and a sense of pride....
Each day is a challenge I face
Today I still dream..... tommorrow I live....
Dream alive
:):):):):):):):)
Day 9,
Day nine will be the ninth day in a row that I don't gamble. I am going to shop.... enjoy the sunshine and breath.....
Today living the dream.... tommorrow I live....
Dream alive
:):):):):):):):):)
Hi DB
Well done on day 9 and getting through the weekend safely keep living the dream and tomorrow u will live
Suzanne x
9 days went fast. Wanted to say thanks for your diary and showing us the honest truth that you have strong urges all day but resisted. I am watching your diary and hope to see many more positive posts from you.
CasinoRoyaLoser
Ok inspired by alot of reading on this site and the stories of others I want...... perhaps need to.... try and explain the thoughts thoughts leading up to and after a binge.... I will use a typical example...
Today I am driving down the m4.... mood is high after an epic night out though cant believe that I had been up four times dinging pitifully badly in a karaoke situation... I see sogns for sevice station 15 miles away and immediately the thought enters my head... I spent twenty quid less than I had budgeted last nightso why not stop and have some fun with this... seven miles to go I am wrestling with this deep In my subconscious as somewhere is telling me that I wont be able to stop.... two miles to go the urge to stop is so huge that I cant now wait to be sat infront of that 500 pound fruit machine. ... I can still have fun withthat twenty quid and stop right....
True enough I stop heart racing mouth almost dry with anticipation I approach the services... a cash point to my left all reasoning deminishing... well maybe I should get another thirty out then I will play for longer I am gonna win this time anyway because I will gamble tactically....
I approach the area almost unable to stop my heart racing with anticipation.... I approach the machine and feed in my first twenty.... win fifty in two spins and could leave... but I could win more... ten more spins.... nothing.... whats the harm of ten more.... nothing.... well I may as well play out the fifty I had on me as I was prepared tp have fun with that nothing.....
o*g what have I done... I have just wasted fifty quid... I could have done alot with that..... I need more....
By this stage transfixed in the trance that nothing else in the world matters.... a bomb could explode and I wouldn't notice....
I return to the cash machine withraw the remaining daily allowance of 270 pounds.... by this point not thinking of anything else but the machine....
40 minutes later its all gone by about half way through I had wanted to stop feeding the notes in but I just seemed unable... asmy last spin hits I turn off my chair and stumble to the exit.... in a trance I return to the car disgusted with myself and what I had done... 320 in an hour.... w*f am I going to do...
I get into the car.... I wanna scream shout... hit myself... cry.... why???
The remainder of the journey thinking of waus out... even sadly what if I drove my car into a ditch... when this has been a pattern for so long I can't think of any way out....
I return home... try to put on a normal front crying inside.... when all I really want to do is escape shout into my pillow and scream....
This is why nine days ago I had to take control before it ends me... suicidal thoughts have always been linked to this crazy addiction.... and now is the time to live....
So yes today this is why I dream..... because tommorrow I have so much to live for.....
Dream alive
🙂
Hi DB
Thanks for your story it reminds me that 50 quid does not give you a return and then that awful chase That comes after
keep thinking about that last time if you get any urges it does help but you are dreaming for tomorrow and it's working well done and thanks again for reminding that be it 50 or 1000 we will never win cos we can't stop but we are winning today cos we are not playing
Suzanne xx
Day 10.... still completely gamble free... this may be a record.... not a penny spent chasing dreams or nightmares....
Today I am dreaming.... tommorrow I am living. ...
Dream alive
:):):):):):):):):):)
Day 11,
11 days gamble free.... looking through the site you wonder when others don't post for days wether they have succumbed to the dreadful disease.... and this does fill me with fear.... not only for their heartbreaking stories but fear of failure that I wake with....
I keep dreaming about gambling and the losing feeling.... its bizarre.... I am still cross about what I did 11 days ago.... I suppose untill I beat thos truely the fear of my weakness will always be there.... its as though deep down I don't trust myself tosucceed....
Anyway today is day 11... targeting two weeks. ...
Today I dream..... tomorrow I live
Dream alive
:):):):):):):):):):)
Hi DB
Day 11 well done
The way you are feeling is part of the process of abstaining keeping strong and riding the negatives thoughts will keep us going forwards
Keep dreaming today and tomorrow you will live
Suzanne x
Day 12....
Still gamble free. ... with the weekend looming its these challenges that will be faced and conquered. .. seaside tommorrow. .... coming up to the two week mark....
Today I dream tommorrow I live....
Dream alive
:):):):):):):):):):):):)
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