day 1

day 2 feeling low today so read a few of other peoples posted, so brave some of them telling their whole story. Maybe one day in the near future i can do that. Something i need to work on. what makes me gamble? I know im out of control. having this diary to write on and to read others with the same demons as my own is going to help me on my road to recovery.

Keep it going, the days will soon mount up. I am still early in recovery but find coming on every day to update the diary helps me keep on track. Just remember take it slowly one day at a time. Keep strong and good luck.

Hi Dawncarol , Just wanted to say well done on your desicion to quit , I'm just reaching day 10 so still early day's for me , Like you I found the first 4 or 5 days quite an emotional time , with a few mood swings thrown in for good measure but talking to people on the site made me realise it's all part of the process of letting go of the past , It does help to open as you get rid of stuff youv'e been keeping in for a long time , But only you will know when youre ready , take youre time and one day at a time . All the best day 3 tommorow ,,, Alan who will not gamble today

Day 3 Thank you elemental83 and ALAN 135 i am finding the first few days really hard and emotional like yourself Alan sometimes i dont even know where my head is at. Its my daughters 19th birthday today should be a happy day all round really but i seem to be more negative today then i was yesterday. The weekend is my worst time i would normally gamble untill early hours in the morning if not all night with no sleep with a few drinks. Funny thing is i go to bingo maybe once or twice a week with a book to read and dont even play the fruit machines there. I guess when playing online i just put in my card number and in some strange way i dont see it as money.

now going out for a walk and clear my head

could be walking for a long time. why i am i so down today depressed (maybe)

Hi dawncarol. ! Its all part of the process of change I think ? The letting go of the past and leaving all the gambling rubbish behind ! youve made your mind up to change and have a new future , a better future , one where your not dealing with the ups and downs of a gambling habit { mostly downs , if your anything like me ? } . Funny it was my daughters 3oth birthday a couple of weeks ago , about the time I decided to quit . I really hated myself that day , I was there but I wasn't if you know what I mean ? , I just think about all the time I've wasted and the money too !! , But after a couple of weeks it's already feeling lots better , the cloudy brain fog has lifted and I can see a lot clearer now and it will for you ! It's early days for you yet , just deal with each day as it comes and you will be fine !! The great thing about this site is the ability to talk to others who are going through the excact same feelings and emotions as you and I can assure you they are !!. Stay strong and keep looking forward not back . Hope yoiu enjoyed the walk . Alan who will not gamble today !!

Thank you Alan you are right about one thing the ability to talk to others. I do hate myself so much at times that i think everyone around me would be better off if i wasnt around but deep down i know thats not true, im not the perfect partner or the perfect mother but i know i have always done right by my 2 children and i love them with all my heart, think they may end up hating me if i dont sort myself out. And as for my partner he knows about the gambling and hes still here for now i just seem to be pushing everyone away that i love. Ended up having a good day my 3 year old little godson came over today with his mum that little man is one of the positive things in my life he so makes me laugh, so had a gamble free day and for a friday thats unheard of so feeling better then i did. And now im off to bed and its only 21.36 lol for a friday thats early. So hopefully i may get a goodnights sleep. dawncarol who did not gamble today 🙂

Hiya! Just came in from work and saw your latest posting , It sounds like you have a fantastic family around you , who can give you lots of love and support ! None of us are perfect are we ? definately not me thats for sure!! I really think the pushing people away is because we feel guilty and not very worthy of the company of the ones we love , instead we should be drawing them closer to us , because we all need our family around us especially when we go through things like this !. As you said your partner's still with you , you love your kids and you had fun with your Godson !! And you had another gamble free day !! Don't really know what your moaning about ?? Ha ! Ha! Ha! . Sorry !! I'm not making light of the problem we all have but look at all those positives you have right now !! Not bad for a start is it ? . Little steps , one day at a time is all you need, Glad you had a better day , Alan who just for today will not gamble !

Day 4 Made plans for today with my partner and godson we are off on a steam train ride then going to hire a boat on the broads and fish and chips for lunch cant wait. will let you know how my day went. feeling postive today. Alan thank you so much for the support and the kind words. I will try harder to work on the postives i do have in my life. Its so nice to just chat with others who share the same demons as i do and im not alone in my battle.

Still on day 4 but had a really great day today with my partner and godson, so heres to not gambling today onwards and up wards only way to go. dawncarol who didnt gamble today 🙂

Great to hear you sounding so positive . You have a good day and it makes you realise whats important in life !! And day 5 tommorow , Well done you !! Girl !!

Day 5 and still gamble free so thats the weekend out of the way the first of many im guessing, going to friends today for roast dinner with my partner and daughter as its her last day at home b4 going off to uni so proud of her. must remember to stay postive and not let the loneliness get to me. dawncarol who will not gamble today 😉

Hiya , just dropped my son back to uni for the start of his second year , so I know the feeling well ! Make yourself and your daughter proud of you for not gambling , Not far off a week now for you , didn't take long did it ? . Each day and little steps !! All the best for now !! Alan who's definately not gambling today .