Day 2 of hell

I tryed to start a diary last week. I relapsed on Friday. After abstaining from gambling for about 6 months last year after attending gordon moodys, life was looking great.  It still is, I've made friends, I've got a fantastic partner but I feel like I can't tell her about my recent gambling relapse ( ongoing for a few months now). I feel like I don't want to worry her and with all the support I've had etc... I feel ashamed. 

Yesterday was so difficult, withdrawal symptoms( almost feels hopeless but there is something in me that is determined not to). I left my wallet at home and walked for miles, I went to the gym as well. I did alot of little jobs and just trying to keep occupied. I have a hiking trip planned with mates next weekend and hiking the weekend after. I just need to keep strong.

I have left doors open and will get around to updating moses( May be the case of spending a day on the phone and banning from all of uk, I guess whatever it takes). 

Financially I'm doing well although ive spent alot of my savings on gambling in the last 6 months. If i carry on I will be back to square 1. So today, I'm going to gym, tidy up the house and chill out with a few ciders with my partner later on. Hopefully enjoy the sun. 

I got paid today and have put some money into savings( it feels really boring to me or even having savings, I'm not sure why??)  paid off my credit card and will be ok this month because I will not gamble. 

I  will try and post on this diary from time to time as and when I feel like gambling as it does really help. ( and thank you to the forum chat on Friday, it's really helped me not gamble this weekend 🙂 )