Day 3 and counting.....

Day 18.....wonderful to have gone 18 days, the positive effects our endless whilst reading posts on the forum shows me that i must remain strong. Still haven't quite faced upto debts properly yet, my wife is sick today so having day off work for school run etc, and time to do what i can there, still daunting and worried what interest some of these payday loan people are going to come up with, I can't pay so they are going to have to just wait, time will tell but I mustn't let myself become to overwhelmed by.

Have a great day all and stay strong, one day at a time.

Phil

Hey Phil

WELL DONE on your 18 days- brilliant, glad you are able to see the positive effects of not gambling.

I had a few payday loans- they can get quite nasty about demanding money, the key thing is not to be intimidated by them. They do put the interest on for a bit, but do stop when you have a payment plan in place. Have you contacted the StepChange charity yet? or someone like them? they are so brilliant and will really help you get back on your feet financially.

take care my friend- enjoy the school run and another gamble free day.

Stu

Well done on day 18 Phil, should be proud of yourself. Yes, money matters is not just gonna dissapear, but at least you know you are on a right path trying to deal with it all, and it will get easier.

Better get there slowly, than never.

Keep strong and hav a good day

Sandra

Hi Phil

Thanks for the post

See a massive improvement in urself just shows what 18 days gamble free can do , hopefully ur mind can now focus better and see what gambling is really for , each day u will get stronger and stronger , well done for biting the bullet with the inlaws that took some guts hopefully they can understand how seriously ur takin this and support u and not knock u down

There's loads of advice with the debt , I did a debt management plan at 1st I didn't want to do it but took the plunge and to be honest it was the Best thing I did it helped me to get my life back on track , it will take time to rebuild my credit rating but no bad thing not getting access to money to tempt me

Whatever works for u though , ur doin so well really pleased for u , even after 18 days u av come along way

Castle2

Hi Phil

Just wanted to say well done on remaining gamble free for the past 18 days, that's great. I hope you are getting some enjoyment from that.

Stay strong and committed in what you are wanting to achieve.

Take care.

Lady Feb.

Thanks guys, the support you give is always appreciated and adds to my strength.....

Day 19.....really noticing a big difference in how I can control my emotions, still lots a incidents in household, with my daughter almost trying to start arguments as if she needs the norm of an anger filled environment to feel safe, it has what she has become used to over the past year. That will mend in time, but proud of myself for being able to control so much better. As for urges, I am sure they are still there, but doing my best to to ignore very early, they will have a period of strength but I will remain stronger, the battle is won for now but it is a war.

take care everybody and good luck for the rest of the day.

Phil

Hey Phil

well done for your 19 days- brilliant. Day 20 today!!!- you are doing so well, the NEW PHIL is here to stay I say.

take care- see you on chat soon

Stu

Hey Phil,

Well done on your day 20. You doing great, support is always here if you come face to face with your urges. Never give up, day at the time!

Have a good day and take care

Sandra

Day 20 indeed.....have to admit, day 19 was the most challenging by far, arguments with the wife, work just being tricky right now, but the former really getting me down. Just think my wife has been so used to shouting and she has been ill so it has been difficult for her, urges were probably at their strongest but just shows again how it is simply an escape, learning to face upto problems is key and I am improving. Today is another day and has started a little brighter.

Thanks again Sandra and Stu for the support, will no doubt catch you both on the chat very soon!!

Phil

Well done Phil on not giving in to your strong urges when under pressure. Demonstrates that you have the strength to remain gamble free when dealing with difficult situations - don't forget that.

Take care and hopefully catch up soon in chat.

Lady Feb.

Hi Phil

I agree wholeheartedly with Feb- you have proven that you do have the strength to cope with hard stuff without gambling. Ultimately, we know that gambling helps nothing, just exacerbates the issues..........anyhow, great progress. 3 weeks gamble free is brill!

Take care

Irene

x

Thanks again guys.....

so Day 21, been a really tough week for one reason or another, and although had a relatively feeling of calm, this morning whilst on the train coming to work, I probably had my strongest over the past few weeks. Just thought that I could make it work with discipline. The good news is that I quickly dismissed such thoughts as know that I can never be disciplined with regards to such.

Hope everyone is well and getting ready to have a great weekend.

Phil

Well done once again Phil. Discipline is a great attribute especially when disciplining our thoughts into making the right choice to not gamble.

Take care and maybe catch up on chat soon.

Lady Feb.

A really sh*tty day today, huge rows with my wife, who was clearly down and let out so much bottled anger, I tried to be nice but the onslaught was pretty relentless. The kids suffered big time too, and clearly everything wrong in our lives is all my fault, I was even branded a failure, all in all very tough to take.

Unfortunately, she has a point with a few things, I have caused financial difficulties and I have damaged relationships, and I know she carries so much hurt, I just feel a little down as feels like getting punished for the hard work I am putting in, which incidently she doesn't feel that I am putting in.....but I AM!! She even went as far as criticising my time spent on the chats (which I find extremely useful), saying I may have stopped gambling but it is still ruining our lives.

Sorry for the waffle, just obviously a little down with it, but the GOOD NEWS is still no bet. Urges a plenty with the turmoil but day 22 almost complete, and I will keep fighting. Hope everyone else has had a better day!!

Phil

Hi Phil

I am sorry you have had a bad day. Having read your post for today I hope I can help a little.

I too called my husband a failure. Many times. I too have said some pretty nasty stuff over the years of his gambling.

I'm not saying ignore what your wife says but I am saying take it on the chin but lightly. Your wife clearly loves you and has faith or she wouldn't be there supporting you. It takes more than just love to stand by someone thro this. I take my hat off to her for having what it takes.

The anger your wife is venting is unfortunately heading in your direction. For me it was years of going over the same thing. Him gambling getting caught saying sorry claiming he was getting help and then doing it all again. The anger will be resentment and confusion.

As a partner you see the destruction gambling does. You see how it distances you from the CG. You see how it saps them of life and enthusiasm.

But when in recovery and abstaining you don't see the change. You want to see this big difference that says ok yes the demon has gone. But you don't. It's also an inner fear that the person you are supporting is really going out of their way to show you how well they are doing in recovery. But this makes the partner think " oh clearly making something of how well they are doing so they must be hiding their gambling again to cover up the fact they still are "

All twisted thoughts but that's the damage that a CG does to our minds.

Please don't let your wife's emotional outburst set you back. I'm guessing she needs as much help as you do cos no matter how much we try we could never understand how a CGs mind works. That in itself is frustrating .

Sorry about my ramblings on. Just hope it makes sense when I read it back.

I wish you and your family strength and happiness in your recovery. Keep supporting each other and stay strong together

Shelly