It all begins on day 91. This may sound counter intuitive but almost 3 months on since my last bet and I think I might need the support of someone other than the counsellor which Gamcare graciously provided.
I'm 25 years old and have been gambling on and off for since I was 18. To date, I have amassed personal debts of around £15,000.
My vice was internet sports betting with the odd roulette bet thrown it. I used to go to the bookers but found comfort in the anonymity of online gambling - ironic that the I'm using the same medium to seek refuge.
Whilst the bills have always been paid one way or the other - my gambling and debts spiralled out of control, my girlfriend of six years blissfully unaware of my deception.
The self-denial faded and realisation set in a couple of months ago when she discovered everything.
Clinging on to our relationship by the skin of my teeth, I handed over control of my finances and signed up for sessions with the Gamcare counsellor.
Unlike many of the stories I have read (which have been of great benefit to me personally) - I no longer struggle with the urge to gamble. Now that the dust has settled, with repayments in place for the debt accrued, and the weight of lies and deception lifted from my shoulders, I would be grateful to anyone who can offer advice or support as to how I ease this new burden I have placed on my girlfriend. Whom I have effectively lied to throughout our whole relationship.
She says she still loves me but that something has changed. Whilst I deserve nothing from her, I've realised that whilst I've been trying to rebuild my life, hers is still crumbling.
Thank you for taking the time to read this - I'm sorry its so long. Any success stories people have for saving and/or rebuilding their relationships would be very welcome and appreciated.
underdog
A huge well done on your recovery so far, it is something for you to be very proud of.
I am a recovering compulsive gambler of 20+ years and in all that time my wife was unaware of the growing devestation my addiction had waged, the lies grew with the stakes until the horrifying truth had to come out, I had stopped paying the bills and we were about to have our house repossessed.
we had to go to court to stave off repossession and then I embraced recovery, as a new way of life.
I did not take counselling just went to GA and used the forum, I have written an honest and frank account every day on my recovery diary.
My wife shares my recovery, she reads the forum and contributes here sometimes when she feels the need.
For 21 months I too did not feel the urges, just counted the days between me and the last devestating punt, then boom I ran into a temporary financial problem and went back at it, three hours of fobt madness, the mind f**k and just losses to show for my efforts.
I went home came clean and in my belief actually started recovery for real, I took the counselling on offer and actually looked at why I gambled and today address those factors, cbt therapy has been a great help, it was free through my GP.
My wife took my episode well and has supported me through all of my recovery, something I try to do the same for her, as for me the partners/wives /families are the innocent victims of this addiction.
There is just as much need for them to recover too from the destruction, the trust issues that come with it and to try and find understanding in the compulsion to gamble.
Your partner may find counselling a help too, or the friends and families section of the forum which provides support to those affected indirectly from our addiction.
Support your girlfriend, be honest with her about how you feel, most of all never stop giving your addiction your full attention.
Recovery is a life choice, there is no cure or medicine to stop us gambling, but a new mindset, a new re education of the brain.
My hope for you that you have truly learnt from your mistakes, that your counselling has helped you address the reasons why you gamble, that will in my mind put you in a strong position.
Recovery is bespoke, find a way that works for you and stick by it.
Again you are doing a fantastic job, keep up the good work, I hope you in time enjoy recovery with your girlfriend, you have made a great start, the foundations are certainly laid, keep building on them, be very proud.
Duncs stepping forward never back
Thanks Dunc,
Its great to hear that you are getting back on track with your relationship - your wife sounds like a very patient , loving and understanding woman.
You've also given me a shot in the arm in terms of keeping my guard up and not getting complacent regarding the urges (or lack thereof). 21 months is a long time down the road to go back to old habits. Makes my 91 days seem pathetic! - Although I'm proud to make it this far. Thank you for taking the time to post - it is much appreciated.
Thanks Dunc,
Its great to hear that you are getting back on track with your relationship - your wife sounds like a very patient , loving and understanding woman.
You've also given me a shot in the arm in terms of keeping my guard up and not getting complacent regarding the urges (or lack thereof). 21 months is a long time down the road to go back to old habits. Makes my 91 days seem pathetic! - Although I'm proud to make it this far. Thank you for taking the time to post - it is much appreciated.
Thanks Dunc,
Its great to hear that you are getting back on track with your relationship - your wife sounds like a very patient , loving and understanding woman.
You've also given me a shot in the arm in terms of keeping my guard up and not getting complacent regarding the urges (or lack thereof). 21 months is a long time down the road to go back to old habits. Makes my 91 days seem pathetic! - Although I'm proud to make it this far. Thank you for taking the time to post - it is much appreciated.
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