Day 1
I am starting this diary in order to share my thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. I hope it guides me towards a future without gambling.
As a quick summary ... gambled for a few years. Lost a large amount of money. My wife found out last year and things remain extremely difficult at home. I feel sad most of the time. To be honest gambling allows me to escape (at least temporarily) from this sad existence.
I can normally make quite easy money during sustained betting periods (however this eventually turns and I end up chasing) .... so I do find it extremely hard to get this 'easy money' notion out of my head.
Plenty more to write about ... but that will do for now.
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Hello Upsidedown and welcome to the forum
Please find a link to information that can help you can get some support and information for yourself http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/yourself#.Vu8ZqeKLQdU
We have a helpline open 8am -midnight on 08 08 80 20 133 where you can if you wish to talk to an advisor about your concerns. Advisors will also able to give you information on support such as free counselling available in your local area. Helpline advisors are also available on the netline http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline#.Vu8bouKLQdU
Please keep posting we are here to support you
Hi Upsidedown - what you say in your post really is the truth, sometimes we can make some easy money but ultimately we can't win because we can't stop. I am only in the early stages of my recovery but one thing i rely on heavily now is barriers - make sure you put some barriers in place to help with your journey and take away your ability to gamble.
Day 2
Thanks Admin and Rose80.
A day at work and now busy working on my computer. I have treated gambling simply like a game .... and to be matter of fact I even enjoyed losing in order to successfully make it all back. I was very good at it during periods and I guess that always plays on my mind .... day in and day out ....
I did put in place some barriers however they didn't work ... and to be stubborn on this point. If I did fully stop I want it to be through my own decision making and choice rather than simply put up enough barriers .... interesting topic and I can see both sides.
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Day 3
Made contact with online help to arrange some counselling sessions. I do need to take active steps and while I think I can handle it on my own .... reality is I need someone to talk to. Not only with gambling but aspects of life that perhap trigger it. Made contact and will wait.
No money in the bank until pay day and to be honest I hardly spend at all so probably not a bad thing. My wife now had her own bank accounts and has been sorting out some financial mess that I have created .... still it is so hard to chat when we are alone because all I ever want to do is talk about anything other than finances and that is what she wants to talk about .... we both then get frustrated and say the wrong thing.
What has hurt me is that she no longer wears her engagement ring ....
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Hi my friend and welcome , you need to talk more with your wife about this situation , it has to be completely transparent for her to realise that your no longer deceiving her , she's hurt battered and bruised by everything that she's found out and very shocked , the trust won't come back overnight but show her and tell her everything she needs to know ! The initial period of stopping is never easy for us or those affected by what we've done but trust me it will get better , just take it one day at a time and in little steps ! Best wishes .. Alan
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