Dear Diary....

Hi Joanna

Thanks for your post

You are doing great kicking them slots out of your life

Well done on sooo many days keep doing what you are doing and don't look down from that height you might get dizzy lol

Best wishes

Suzanne x

Many thanks Suzanne - hope life is good for you too.

Day 120 for me today - nearly four months of sanity and freedom, yippee! :o)

Hi Joanna spaingone here, I need some inspiration from you to keep me going, feeling so bad about loss of future financial security, I can't even bring myself to re-start my diary, (couldn't tell my girlfriend about my issues at weekend) I'm in such a big black hole, life seems so meaningless when gambling losses hit home. Yours P.

Hi Spaingone - Relieved to hear from you as I have been thinking about you over the past few days. The important thing is that you are still keeping in contact with us, even if you can't face the diary. The time has come to start climbing out of that big black hole, even if you are managing just a centimetre at a time.

Is there anything more you could do to manage your debt? Take heart from others on the Challenge who have come through seemingly insurmountable debts - I am sure you can do so too. However I feel that your despair mostly concerns your girlfriend and the threat to your relationship when she finds out. But I would not be surprised if she has already noticed a change in you over the last week or so and perhaps she has already guessed. Perhaps she is waiting for you to tell her. If you can find the courage to, and I know you fear the worst, then it might just lift another burden from your shoulders.

However, whatever happens in your relationship, your life cannot be meaningless with a son to care for - remember the love you have for him and the desire to see him grow into a healthy and happy adulthood. You may have a low opinion of yourself at the moment, but I am sure he doesn't feel the same way; you owe it to him to keep going and to fight back. You gave him life - let that life be shared between you - it may not be perfect for a long while, but you must look to the future for both your sakes.

I know that you want to kick this curse once and for all, and I know you can do it.

As someone much older than you I can say in all honesty that fear about the future is a waste of time, however bad our situation is, because none of us can know what will happen in the next minute, let alone tomorrow or the day after. Worry is so debilitating - convert the energy spent in fretting and beating yourself up into positive action, however small. You have your health, you have a job, you have food on your plate (OK perhaps Lidl rather than Waitrose), so build on these things and get on with life. 'Carpe diem' = Seize the day, and try to do something each day (however small) which will make you feel better about yourself. 'Meaningful' not 'meaningless' - you are worth so much more than that.

Take care now,

Joanna

Thanks Joanna, great words and inspiration, one day at a time hey, at work right now, so a short thread, see what my mind can muster up tomorrow x P x

Hello Joanna,

Thank you for your kind words in the 2014 challenge.

You have not to thank me and I'm really impressed that you could be so patient with Ryan, the words I really would have liked to use are not aloud here thank god for that but I was very shocked or better angry when I've read his posts.

I never would wish something bad for anybody and I hope he finds his way into the real world at any time I would have accepted his words if he would be still a child aged 10 or younger but he is a grown up young man and there I think should be at least a bit working brain in place.

Will take later a bit time to read through a few posts here I'm just always really tired when I'm getting in from work today I've finished 2 hours early so gives me a bit time 😉

All the best to you

Wolfgang

Hi Joanna

Well done to you and Wolfgang for talking to Ryan. I read and re-read his post and couldn't believe what I was seeing. My first thought was 'someone needs to sit on the naughty step for a while' but I do feel for him for being so misguided. Having read his latest post I felt I wanted to respond but not in a positive way so I went outside, had a cigarette, counted to 10 and decided not to 'say' anything. It's all been said anyway and I doubt he will take it on board. Such a shame. Such a waste.

Good luck to you both, have a great no-gambling day and will catch you later.

Elfie

Hi Elfie - Thanks for dropping by. Yes, I do feel it's such a waste with young Ryan although I can see that it's mostly bravado on his part, trying to wind us up. The sad thing is that in 10 or 20 years' time, if he carries on, he will have reached rock bottom and will be begging people for help.

Anyway, on with the good life - off to my little grandson's Sports Day - he's in the sack race.

Happy days!

Joanna

Hi Joanna

Great to see you are getting stronger by the day and enjoying life without that destructive addiction

Enjoy your day with your grandson and yes indeed happy days

Suzanne xx

Thank you Suzanne. Yes, had a happy day today with lots of little children running around in the sunshine. The Dads' race was very entertaining too!

Day 123 for me and enjoying every minute of my gamble-free life....

Hi Joanna

So pleased for you 123 days of winning and enjoying it

Suzanne xx

Cheers Suzanne!

Just feel like getting this off my chest:

"O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us

To see oursels as ithers see us!"

Robert Burns

124 days of sanity and counting........

126 days of sanity racked up. A nice family day yesterday ending with a car door being slammed on my finger. Have tried to use it as an excuse to get out of cooking Sunday lunch but it hasn't worked....serves them right if someone finds a plaster in the sprouts...:o)

Hi Joanna

Really appreciate your ongoing support thanks

126 days of sanity racked up thats brill really pleased for you

Hope you have had a lovely family day (gambling free ofcourse )lol

Keep going and here's to another day of sanity

Minus plaster in sprouts lol

Take care

Suzannexx

hi thanks for post