Deep breath and start again

Morning, well done on realizing that you can never win if you gamble, the way to win is to stop. My advice would be to limit access to money ( ask someone to control your finances) or if this is not possible leave all cards at home and only ever take the exact cash out you need for the day. It takes 21 days to break a habit, so set this as your 1st goal once you have broken the habit of gambling it is easier to break the addiction, counselling is good, as it helps you understand why you gble, but don't expect miracles from them, they are only able to guide you, it's you that needs to stay focused and true to your self. Once you have these things set up, this is the most important thing, post a diary on here at least once a day, outlining your feelings, if you get the urge to gamble come on here instead and write about it. All the above is how I have managed nearly 3 years of not gambling, I did crash but I am now back to 6 months of not gambling, prior to this I was out of control gambling 10 hours a day.

Good luck in your journey, we are here for you

Deep breath again. No excuses. I have no idea what makes me tick?? I have no idea. I play the slots as if I am on automatic pilot, sitting up all hours just pressing a stupid button. I have won enough money in one spin to buy a blinking car and a holiday, or pay off some of my ever increasing debt but what do I do? I keep playing thinking I can win more then as the pot dwindles I throw the towel in and gamble even higher bets, ever knowing that I will end up with nothing as this is the pattern. So why do we do it?

When I first started playing online I won a bit of money and felt great. I then undertook a course which I struggled with and, thinking now, played the slots as a means of distraction - just scraped through my course as so much 'study time' was spent gambling. I would also hit the slots when me and my husband were going through a bad patch. We're fine now and he was great when I told him about the debt I had got into through gambling. But he has no idea I only managed to stop playing for a few months and started back like someone posessed. I have no plans to tell him just now but will do so once I have spoken with a counsellor.

I bought Gamblock months ago and had difficulty installing it so gave up. But last night I contacted them once more and they kindly remotely fixed my computer and installed the programme (it took over 4 hours to get it sorted, so bed at 3.30am) I feel so relieved I am unable to play on my laptop and know that it is not the answer to my problems but it is a start.

The counsellor never got back to me so i need to find someone else and will get on to that tomorrow.

Thanks if you have read this, despite my blethering! I am happy for everyone to read my diary but what is most important to me is eventually being honest with myself after years of half-heartedly attempting to give up this destructive habit. I am concentrating on not gambling for the moment and will sort out my finances in the next few weeks - I am fortunate enough to have a good job and although I have a huge amount of debt I can keep my head above water providing I do not continue to gamble.

Best wishes to all

Had a lovely day at work and feeling positive. No urge to gamble today and have been thinking how to treat myself and have booked an appointment to have my nails done as I think every time I look at them it will reinforce how well I'm doing! It's £35 to have done and I could have spent that many times over on the slots.

I know things will not be this easy as time goes by however, at the moment I feel liberated since installing Gamblock. Enjoying my early nights, wakening up fresh and able to cope with my day.

Best wishes to all x

Day 7 and feeling good. Been busy at work and doing an doing some work on laptop with no urge to sneak away to the slots.

I habe been thinking about my gambling and I was always encouraged to have a play on the slots even as a child. A member of my family owned a hotel with bar and it had fruit machines. When we used to visit I was given a bag of coins and told to 'have a go on the bandit' - a bandit is like a robber, that should be the first red flag! We used to go to seaside resorts for summer holidays and a lot of our time was spent in the arcades so playing the slots have been in my life for many years. It was a great thrill to win, but if I remember correctly we still put the winnings back in..and that was accepted as part of the game. Forward 30 odd years and I'm sure my family would have no idea how destructive this would become for me (I have lots of cousins who went to the hotel and we all went on holiday together but, as far as I know, i am the only one who has gone on to have a gambling addiction)

Last night I was online and was not on a gambling site (MoneysavingExpert) and the Gamblock pop-up popped up! I felt like a wee girl who had been given a telling off and couldn't come out of the site quick enough, so Gamblock is working for me!!

I have a nice weekend planned and will avoid temptation when I've had a drink (this is one of my tipping points).

Best wishes to all x

Day 8 and feeling a bit tired, had a long lie and then went back to bed. It's cold, wet and windy perhaps thats the problem. I have no urge to gamble; is it common to feel rotten after over a week of abstinence?

Had a great day out with my very lovely and best friend who knew about my gambling in the past. I decided to tell her of my problems and she was fantastic - she has told me to call her is I ever find myself in a position I feel unable to control. She was super supportive and, as a bonus, has worked with people with addictions in the past. I felt so good after speaking to her but will go elsewhere for therapy.

Got a very busy week coming up so hoping to feel less tired.

Have a good week all xx

Day 9 and doing well. Still feeling tired, and been anaemic before so going to see the Dr tomorrow. No desire to gamble, so that's good. Had a look at my finances and they are pretty grim, can just about cover bills and debt but hardly anything left. I have been doing some extra shifts, which help out but they are not guaranteed so will definitely need to speak to a debt counsellor to help me get sorted. With regards to the gambling counsellor, she has never got back to me and when I think about it I have contacted that particular organisation on 3 separate occasions over the past couple of years and they have never got back to me so I will find someone else who is more reliable.

Hope everyone is doing well today xx

Day 10! Been to Dr, had more bloods done so should know by end of week what's going on. Been to have my nails done and feel it is my reward for staying on track; everytime I look at them will help reinforce how well I am doing. Previously I never allowed myself a treat as my money was precious and reserved for gambling - wouldn't think anything of wasting a couple of hundred pounds on the slots but thought £35 to get my nails and eyebrows done was expensive. Madness - the logic of an out of control gambler.

Hope everyone has a good day.

Welcome to double figures Annie, the emotions will be up & down now you are facing them head on but they will stabilise!

If it's Gamcare you are using to arrange the counselling, keep ringing, if not, pick up the phone! The reports I have read have been very favourable.

There is no logic when we gamble...All that debt & we still think we're gonna become millionaires?!? Let's leave crazy in the past & work on our brighter futures - ODAAT

Well day 11 nearly over and feeling rubbish. I'm still tired, although I am sleeping much better. During my last few weeks gamling online I was throwing money away left right and centre; I've maxed out all of my cards and have 2 loans. I think (well, I know) that I avoided looking into my accounts well aware of the financial mess I am in and this is just coming home to me now and I'm finding it difficult to see a way out of. I have a very responsible and well paid job, but part time working will not cover my debts and I am not fit enough to work full time. I have been looking at debt management plans and think I will have to bite the bullet and get this organised sooner rather than later as I don't want to feel so bad about my situation that it jeopordises my recovery. I have had time to think about what triggers me to gamble and I have identified stress/worry as a catalyst so it's best I get myself sorted.

Busy day tomorrow at work and rest of week, so hopefully I'll get to 2 weeks without digging myself deeper in debt and despair. I am committed to reaching my goal of a gamble free life.

* had my nails done yesterday and every time I look at them, I feel great.........a lovely treat to reinforce my abstinence*

Take care all and thank you for reading my diary xx

DAY 12! Really pleased with myself. Busy morning at work then a wee bit voluntary work this afternoon (I do it every week). Still looking at my nails! Got an invitation from an online casino in the post today; just opened it up, saw the word 'spins' so ripped it up and stuffed it in the recycling. As yet I have not had the urge to gamble but realise that it is early days but I'm not going back now

Take care all

Day 13 and getting there. For me Gamblock has been a fantastic aid to help my recovery. No plans to waste any of my hard earned money by feeding my habit and lining the pockets of online casions

Hi Annie, What a blessing to have that job that you speak of and the flow of money in. Since you stopped gambling you can immediately see you cash flow change. Just don't look back or too far ahead. odaat is what they say. I do not have the money flow YET coming in but at least I'm not decreasing my account. Been 10 hard years for me and it is day 25 of odaat once again . I have hope. T2

14 days, a fortnight, 2 weeks!!! Absolutely delighted with my progress. I know it's really a short amount of time but I feel liberated and have had no urge to gamble. I am well aware not to get too complacent as I have had this addiction for more years than I care to remember and the battle cannot be won in 2 weeks however, I am positive and up for it.

Many thanks Tara and Dean for reading my diary and giving me encouragement xx

Take care all and very best wishes xx

I'm back. Been reading my posts from the beginning of the year when I first joined and, I hadn't realised I only managed 14 days. I'm in a different place now and feel much more positive. But one thing struck me and that was my health: in those early posts I was complaining of being really tired and sleeping a lot and even went to the doctor's. I do not think it is a coincidence that I feel this way, I am sure my body is recovering from the battering I have given it over the past few years. I am sure others have felt like this due to many factors like lack of sleep, poor diet and stress. We are in recovery and we must take care of our physical and mental health. So, it's time to look after ourselves - exercise, healthy diet and plenty of rest. This, and support will help us reach our goals.

Health and happiness to all xxx