Determined to keep a diary

@p6z38njbqm Hi Fish 🐟. It’s great getting so much pleasure out of the smallest of treats isn’t it?👌. If they re enough to make us feel good inside and put a smile on our face, that’s all that matters. Roll on the soup making!!!🤣. With this current July weather, the soup should come in handy!

Keep posting, keep rambling, keep documenting your emotions, keep going strong 💪.

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Thanks both. Its crazy how much we used to spend but still stress about buying a towel 🤣 . I'm just thankful that now if i do buy a towel, i own a towel. I don't own regret and a month of being skint. I own a towel! That's my mindset now and its really working out. Although in this story, I own a soup ladle 🤣 

Just for the record, its more of a risotto making ladle. I do make soup, but i make risotto more and needed a ladle for the stock!

Now there's a random diary entry  🤣 🤣 

Day 111. That was a nice number to type!

Last night shift so not much news. Been reading lots on here lately. So many new sad stories, but some great successes too. We all have to start somewhere and if you are posting here for the first time, then your story will be bleak, that's why you are here. Keep reading though, this can be done, there are people who win. The only way is up from your first post and it feels good to see the progression as the days and months pile up.

Stay strong

Day 112. Slept off night shift (got 4 hours), got a hair cut, did some shopping, picked up pooch (woot woot), now in bed. Nice easy day. Hopefully won’t be up at 05:30 with dog but I’m sure he will have other ideas. 

Stay strong 💪 

113 days gamble free. Still amazes me to see a number like that on my post. Never thought I’d do this, but somehow this time it felt proper. 

Well I’m glad I wasn’t in work today. Airport carnage due to global IT issue. They tried to get me in but it was my day with the dog so no chance that was happening. He woke me up at 05:20. Don’t know why he insists on waking me up that early. Doesn’t do it with anyone else. Grrrrr. I am going into work tomorrow though as it will be extra busy due to all the cancelled flights today. Triple time though so that’s an extra grand towards my debts. Winner. One less day off though. 

Tucked up in bed now. Up early yet an again tomorrow. Off on Sunday though so tomorrow night I’m going to have a glass of wine and watch a film. It’s so good that I’m excited about that now rather than racing home from work to gamble. I’m such a different person now. 

Finally bought a colander too. Been using a sieve for pasta up until now. I’m in the big leagues now!!!

Stay strong 💪 

114 days. No gambling issues. Happy with that situation.

Been thinking lots today. Had a dream last night where my ex met someone else. Made me feel physically sick. Thing is, I want her to be happy. We had a good time. The best. I did her wrong. I didn’t mean to. Gamblings a d*k!. Thing is, I thought about it more and I would not get back with her. We would not work. We left on speaking terms, we still speak, but I couldn’t be with her. Won’t go into it but let’s just say we didn’t leave in a way that I could ever think we could be together again. I see this now. Still makes me cringe to think of her in another relationship though. Weird. Also decided I don’t want another relationship until it comes naturally. No internet nonsense. No looking for it. If it happens it happens. Not really fussed if it doesn’t.

Anyway enough emotional nonsense. Was home at 12:30 today and got paid over five hundred quid. Can’t complain. Extra payment on debts this month. Still on track for new year, debt free. 

Stay strong 💪 

Good to read that you are still having any gambling issues.  Not that I thought you would!

It's not weird for you to feel uncomfortable about the thought of your ex in a relationship at all.  It would be odd if you didn't.

You can't just switch emotions and feelings off like a tap.  I wouldn't sweat it.  Like you say any future relationship you enter into should be organic and natural and take time.  The 100% separation from your wife will take time as well.

Good that you are paying down those debts.  Personally I am not making much headway.  I should probably have done an IVA but want to eventually get a mortgage so don't want to scupper my chances and wreck my credit rating.

Always good to check in and see you are keeping the faith.  You're a goodun 👍🏼 

Day 115 - nice easy one today. Cleaned the house, did some shopping, cooked some food, tucked up in bed. 4 shifts at work from tomorrow so up early. 

Thanks @thebean. Think I was just having an off day. In a much better place today.

Night all, hope you are keeping well.

Stay strong 💪 

116 days. Closing in on 4 months. Crazy! My life has changed so much for the better with regards to money and mental health. I have money, and my head is not constantly full of spinning reels. I can sleep (I’m in bed now!), I don’t drink to excuse the gambling (I still have some to relax but not nearly as much), and I’m generally happy with life now. No more fearing the postman or a phone call. 

Had a thought about gambling yesterday. No desire to act on it and straight away i recognised my brain starting to try and trick me into it. Funny how you are almost 2 people when that happens. It really is the devil and angel on your shoulder scenario. Luckily the devil is getting no playtime and never will. Just goes to show though that even after all this time, all this pain, there’s a part of the brain that says ‘hey, maybe it will be different this time’. Don’t be fooled. If you are writing a diary on a gambling help site, gamblings not for you 😂

Stay strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm Well done Fish 🐟👏👏👏. Remember, it’s ok - probably even normal for gambling thoughts to creep into our heads but the main thing is not to act on them! We know only too well, the likely consequences for us folk on here! 👎.

Keep enjoying your new life and keep reaching for your goals - they are there to be achieved and achieve them you will!💪💪.

Take care.

Your friend, Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Easy one today. Absolutely shattered after work. In bed about to enjoy reading a book for a bit then sleep. Then I get to do it all again tomorrow! 

On the positive side, 117 days without giving my money away. Winner!

Stay strong 💪 

Day 118. Last day shift done. One night shift tomorrow then I see the pooch. Love him to pieces but our relationship doesn’t feel the same any more. We were so close when I lived at my old home. Now it’s only once a week and we still have fun, we still play and go for walks, and he still follows me everywhere but it’s just not the same. I hope he’s happy though. All I want is for the little guy to be as happy as he can be. God I love dogs!!

Got a house inspection tomorrow. Just to make sure I’m not living like a tramp. Apparently that’s what happens in you first few months in a rented place. Luckily the place is very clean. I’ve kept a pretty ship shape house since moving in so shouldn’t be an issue. Get to sleep in tomorrow so hope they don’t come too early. 

Lots of protests at airports today. Means my whole day was spend researching and planning. Hopefully we won’t see anyone glue themselves to our runway, but if they do, I hope it hurts getting them removed 😂. Don’t think they realise that shutting an airport wastes more fossil fuels. The planes divert to other airports, then fly back later. The passengers have to get transferred by road, and their argument goes out the window. Muppets!

Off to bed, happy, gamble free, knackered!

Stay strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm 💪💪💪👌

🩷🍎.

Day 119 done. The never ending cycle of work, sleep, eat, repeat has ended (for a few days). Quick nap then pick the dog up. 
Will try to post something more productive tomorrow/today (just finished nights, no idea when tomorrow is!).

Stay strong 💪 

120 days. Pretty happy with that! Got the pooch today, pretty happy with that too. 

Watched some of the Paris Olympics opening ceremony but it reminded me of my ex so turned it off. Bought myself a book to make myself feel better. £3.99 on Amazon. Count of monte christo by Alexander Dumas. If you’ve not read it I highly recommend it. Easily my favourite book. Will keep me going for a bit too as it’s quite big.

Lots of new posts recently by people in need of help. Sad to see but great to see people reaching out to offer advice. Doesn’t matter how far in the process of quitting you are, everyone has their own little tips to help beat this. The big ones are obviously get the blocks in place, but probably the most important one is to get everything out in the open. Secrets are what us gamblers kept for our whole life. To beat this you can’t have secrets anymore. Even the smallest little hidden secret can turn into another, then another, and before you know it, the lies and deceit are back and the gambling resumes. It is also amazingly refreshing to wake up each day with no secrets. I can live how I want to live now. I’m accountable to me, but also to those who know about my gambling. Being honest is what most grown ups do. Give it a go. It’s great be a grown up!

Off to sleep. Only got 4 hours this morning after work and doggo will wake me up at 05:00 no doubt!

Stay strong 💪