Diary 2

Hi there Phil and welcome back to the diary page , great to have you back on board !.

Stress is something that always used to make me run off and seek the arms of a loved one , ( A Fob't in the bookies ) , I'd spend hours telling my little programmed money sucking machine my woe's , did it help ? briefly if I won but that wouldn't last long and would always end in more misery and bad feelings.

Your right Phil , whatever is stressing us out , needs to be met head on and dealt with , it then doesn't become the catalyst to fuel our addiction .

Relaxation will come sooner , doing what your already doing my friend instead of seeking comfort in the shape of gambling !

IRecoveries working for you Phil , so relax and enjoy !

Take care buddy and stay safe !

Alan

Morning. Still feeling super stressed out but no urges or desire to gamble. I've been reflective recently and what I now want is not to bicker, not to react, to listen, not judge other people's views on recovery (hard sometimes!) and continue the journey one day at a time. I have many issues in my life that need to be dealt with and I will tackle them. Have a good gamble free day.

Morning. Yesterday was a weird one. I had to go into the city centre and when I walked past a particular bookies my heart started pounding - not through any desire to gamble but the fear again. I've self-excluded from the shop (which begins with C and ends in L!) anyway but when I'm away from my comfort zone I can feel extremely anxious. Anyway it's lovely and sunny here and here's to a bet-free day. Best wishes, Phil

I am loving the journey. Not about abstinence but the way I feel. Every day just gets better and better. I posted on new members earlier. This new life is amazing.

Evening. I was just reading other posts. I know in my heart that even in the grip of the addiction I couldn't recoup the money I had lost but something was driving me. My head was a mess - I started the day looking at forthcoming meetings online and then like a robot going to the cash machine then l,brokes (lol) with money I could not afford to lose/waste. What a s***t way to live. The money I lost is irrelevant. Getting my life back is amazing....one day at a time.

Hi Phil... my vice was / is sports betting. I found that I needed to cut out the first step in the process which is the research of the bets. I made a conscious effort, as I went for my phone to open up the browser, to put it back down pause for a minute and refrain from looking at what events were taking place that day. It is a massive step. If you dont look at the events you won't know what's going on and you won't place that bet. So maybe tomorrow see if you can do a day without looking at the meetings at any point during the day. Then try two days, then a week, then two weeks etc etc. It's difficult... I know... but you won't break the cycle if you don't try it.

Hi Change, Thanks for response. I was talking retrospectively. I should have made that clear. All the behaviour I mention above I don't do anymore and have no desire to do. I haven't gambled for almost four months. One of my rituals - a personal thing - is when I buy my daily paper the first thing I do is rip out the racing pages which is just part of trying to stay "safe" in the early days of my recovery. So in a nutshell I'm not looking at anything to do with gambling apart from involuntarily seeing those stupid adverts on youtube or TV! Best wishes, Phil.

I have some issues with anxiety that I am trying to address one of which is agoraphobia to some extent. When I was offered counselling by GamCare it would have meant travelling 15 miles to see the counseller and it might seem pathetic to some but I couldn't face it. Anyway just had an online chat with a GC advisor and discovered they offer online counselling. Had no idea! Pleased as punch. Made my morning in fact. No desire to gamble - BIG desire to work on self-improvement and continue the journey one day at a time.

I agree. For example, you are watching something on Youtube and Ray Winston suddenly appears and says "don't you dare press that skip button". Makes me want to punch my laptop!

Liked a post I just read about GA which was very informative. I live in Cardiff which has a population of 400,000 and yet only one GA meeting a week. I've felt reluctant to go - I'm not sure why. Can you incorporate some of the 12 steps into your recovery on your own I wonder? I'm certainly aware on a day to day basis what my behaviour was like when I was gambling (I feel like I was a bit crazy to be honest) and really and truthfully want to be a better person and "make amends". One day at a time life just gets better and better.

Hi Phil,

I would suggest plucking up the courage to go to a meeting give it a go. As for the steps I'm not actively working through them but is something I will be doing in time, you can find literature online and there is no rule that says you can't do them yourself but I would suggest you would be much better to attend GA and find a sponsor who can work through them with you. There experience can only benefit you.

KTF

Thanks for the response. A guy on the GA forum said he would meet me before the meeting as I told him I was extremely apprehensive. I work as a journalist but ironically hate speaking in public! I know there is no obligation to "share" but I have so many issues with anxiety at the moment. But hey! Life is getting better day by day bet-free.

Good stuff Phil I think we we all had the same feelings but it's worth pushing ourselves out of the comfort zone.

I hear often that anxiety about speaking in front of strangers given as a reason not to attend a meeting. Recovery is about tackling our emotional issues. So what better way to begin the process than to go into a socially scary environment, where at least there will be no awkward silences because you all have something in common. No one will force you to return. No one will force you to speak & no one will tell you how to think.