Diary 2

I understand that completely. Abstinence is one thing but changing one's attitudes and feelings is another. Question: How many people on average attend a meeting? Obviously I'm sure it can vary but a rough estimate?

I cant say with certainty but Cardiff between 10-20 i would think

Me main meeting has on average about 15 but I have been to meetings with as few as four and as many as 30 all different.

Morning. I understand quite a bit about the 12 steps as I have had friends in AA and the principles are pretty similar I think? Not dissimlar to gambling but one of my friends told me this woman hadn't drunk for over 30 years YET was still going to a meeting every day in Brighton. Is that recovery? Fear? Guilt? I know they are different issues to do with addiction but the basic principles are similar I think?

The Twelve Steps originated from AA and were adapted by the other Anonymous programmes. I read a theory that the Steps were discovered rather than created and it makes sense to me.

The point is maintaining recovery, attending meetings has been found to do that. Perhaps it's a new way of life among like minded people, rather than trying to be a non drinker in a pub. Perhaps to do with the idea that addiction can be arrested but never cured?

BW,

CW

It has nothing to do with fear or guilt. It is about the 12 & 12s programs primary purpose. Unity Step 5.
Just an observation & not a criticism. You seem to be doing what most addicts who havnt been to a meeting do. You seem to be looking for reasons it wont work rather than be willing to try things that might work

D@T. Yeah I'm definitely looking for reasons/excuses not to go a meeting. You don't know me. I worked full-time as a journalist for 12 years and the reason I am now a freelance journalist was because I started having panic attacks especially on the London Underground which made it extremely difficult for me to go and interview people for this article or that article. I work from home now. I've struggled to access appropiate treatment for my social anxiety issues. Sometimes it takes me hours to get out of the house. That's the main reason why I haven't been to the one and only meeting a week in Cardiff. I didn't want to go into my personal issues but your post (again) got my back up. I don't want to snipe, bicker or be petty but you do seem to be very judgemental. Did you actually read my post when I apologised (anonymously) about my 13 step comments? I was disgusted with my self.

PS I'm not an addict - I'm a recovering compulsive gambler or whatever terminology you want to use. I don't gamble, I don't want to gamble, I don't judge people who are struggling or have "relapsed". I listen to the advice other people longer into their recovery than me or people whose partners have done whatever they have done. I'm not interested in posts like "poor me, I lost 7 grand on the England game. How do I get it back." To me and I think you will get this - recovery is about a change of mindset, different atttiude, behaviour - yep making amends. But people who have been ree bet free for a long time which I am not one of them should not be sanctimonious or self-righteous and I know you have a lot of good words of wisdom but that's how you come across sometimes. All the best, Phil

Very stressful day. Still have financial issues to tackle plus other c**P with my family. I didn't gamble and didn't want to. Clarity is returning slowly. I really want to go to the meeting on Thursday but I'm held back by the fear of having a panic attack. I have three days to work out a strategy. Phil

Just go to the meeting.

CW

OK I will pop to my GP tomorrow and ask for a couple of valium to get me there and back. I'm sorry for the sarcasm but the panic attacks I have recently had have been horrendous and as I previously posted it can sometimes take me hours to get out of the house. This is why I now work from home as a freelance journalist because accessing appropriate treatment for anxiety issues in Cardiff is a joke. I'm not looking for sympathy but am saying just the way it is right now. PS Please do not - ANYONE - say I am making excuses. Along with my marriage, staying bet-free is the most important thing in the world to me. BW Phil.

Hi Phil,

I don't think you're making excuses. Anxiety is horrible thing, . Try to take it easy and please look for help and support. Rooms are really great, but nobody is pushing you to go there...all in ur own time.

Stay safe, look after yourself

Hi Phil

I get why you're saying it's hard and for me what you're saying isn't the same as general excuse making.

Although not the same thing, my social confidence was very low through gambling and this created social anxiety.

Don't want to overload you, but I found ACT to be extremely helpful.

You might want to consider it..it's a totally different approach from cbt style and based around acceptance/openess towards difficult feelings (anxiety) ,with a view to taking committed actions in accordance with your values.

Hard to explain without writing an essay but it's particularly strong in terms of changing your relationship with fear, and a very compassionate approach too.

Best

Louis

I WANT to go but I have incredible feelings of anxiety in "social" situations. I even have to take anti-anxiety medication which my GP is slowly helping me to wean off. Yesterday was one of the worst days of life - I cried in front of the GP, in front of two of my friends and in front of my wife. I've never felt so awful in my life and a lot of it is down to the medication I have been prescribed for panic and anxiety. I know this is a website for people trying to stop gambling etc but I just thought I should explain what hell it is coming off the medication I have been taking for quite a long time. My stress levels have gone through the roof even in the three days since I started to cut down.

I've been reading the diary of someone who has been getting a lot attention. I'm egotistical so I wish I was getting so many responses! Kidding! What is obvious to me and I've emphasised this as have others that it is not just about lost money which of course is a factor. Compulsive gambling messes your mind up, you feel anxious, angry, uninterested in other area's of life, lie, get payday loans, pawn things etc. The mind is where the problem lies to a large extent in my view. Barriers in place all the time. Anyway last bet was on February 9th so that's four months. I didn't think at one time I could do a day. One day at a time.....

I've just broken my pledge not to be judgemental but my god some people need a wake up call or a competent therapist!