Day 112 gamble free
1258 days until debt free
Still strong urges to gamble, still resisting. It doesn't seem to matter what damage I have done in the past to my family, my finances or my physical and mental health, I still think it would be ok to gamble. This really is a sickness.
I am never giving up.
Paulds
Day 125 gamble free
Months after stopping, the spectre of the addiction is as close as ever. I still have no money two days after payday because of my own stupidity. Heaven knows what it would be like if I was gambling. That is my only comfort.
Paulds
Day 129 Gamble free
Urges to gamble but at last not as many as before, finances destroyed, head all over the shop but I am never giving up, I may scream to let it out but at least the gambling demon is not coming in.
Paulds
Day 134 gamble free
1236 days until debt free
Day by day the gambling demon will grow weaker, he is still with me, he lives under the stairs, he will be living with me for the rest of my life. He is a permanent lodger in my house but now it is I who is the landlord not him.
We shall go on this journey together but now there are others that walk with me and share the weight of the demon.
I know now that I will never give in, I am stronger, I am choosing the right path each today, it is not overwhelming because just for today I will not gamble.
Paulds
Day 137 Gamble free
1233 until debt free
Just have to get through today that is all.
Paulds
Hi Paul
Well done on the 137 days and for taking it on, one day at a time.
I haven't read all your diary yet so won't comment at length, I will catch up on your journey when I have a bit more time to do so. Its interesting you have the debt free days counting down, has this been helpful when fighting urges? I still havent really got to grips with my debts, right now I'm just happy they are not going up!
All the best, 4D
Day 147 gamble free,
Aim for today is to get to bed this evening not having gambled, I have now finally started to smile, it has taken 147days, this is what gambling does to you, not a fake smile to show everything is ok when it is not, but a real smile that makes me feel happy inside. Tonight I want to lie down facing the wall and smile as it means I will have got to the end of the day gamble free.
Thanks for your comment 4D the simple answer is no it hasn't helped with fighting urges, I like counting the days gamble free and towards being debt free but I do not place much emphasis on them. I started counting down from 4 years when I joined the forum, I would have paid off all my debts as I went down from 25k to 4K before ballooning back up to 35k so no it hasn't helped in the long run. I like it as I don't post so often so it is nice to log on update the totals and then forget about it. If I was posting every day I would find that the totals moved too slowly. Each to their own I suppose. I would recommend being honest about debts and have a plan to pay them off, just don't get to hung up on how long it takes. My worry will be what I will do with money when I have it again.
Paulds
Paulds
Fella thanks for popping by my thread I am truly humbled by your kind words.
I haven't counted days myself for a while now, why??
Because for me I got caught up in the mindset that where would the day count count, do you get to a point where addiction uses the count to taunt your mind that your have earned the right to have a punt, for me I got mind f****d by it.
I respect the fact that everyone has to find a way that works for them and I can see how it inspires folk.
With regards to what to do with that hard earned once your debt is facilitated??
Simply enjoy it, whether saving or spending floats your boat just embrace it, don't feel guilt or punish yourself.
Addiction loves that.
And I can honestly look back and laugh at myself with regards to some of my gambling escapades when I nipped to the 'shop' for milk or bread and wound up rolling home two,three hours later with nothing but an empty wallet and a wealth of guilt.
Utterly mad, yet we repeat that cycle over and again!!!
Keep on keeping on my dear friend.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Day 175 gamble free,
Madness indeed Duncs, thanks for your supportive words. I still have very strong urges to gamble so try to remove myself from trigger situations. Drinking more alcohol to cope is a path I would like to get off.
Close to Xmas now and s typical time I would gamble as routine goes out of the window and it is easy to disappear.
just have to take it day by day, my aim is to reach tomorrow gamble free nothing more.
Day 177 gamble free
That is all, one day at a time my mantra. If I don't gamble then I won't gamble, don't start because you can't stop. Urges come in waves, I am fine sitting by the calm sea and then suddenly an enormous uncontrollable wave hits me. I just have to ride it out, never giving up. Tomorrow is the aim that is all.
Paulds
Day 193 gamble free
Still have strong urges , still taking it one day at a time. The gambling demon does not respect Christmas or new year, it never takes a break.
Just aiming to get to tomorrow gamble free.
Paulds
Day 198 gamble free
1172 until debt free
Another day I am determined not to gamble, hopefully I will get to the end of it. Not many know of my addiction but one of the few asked me if I every think I will gamble again. It was so hard to explain that it doesn't work like that, what I think and say doesn't matter, it is what I do that counts. I might gamble in the next five minutes or I may never gamble again, I have to be honest and say that I just don't know. I have to keep making the right choice, day by day, minute by minute. It is exhausting but the only way.
Paulds
Day 206 gamble free
Each day sometimes feels like hell, mistrust and a lack of respect and all because of gambling.
Each night I can afford a smile as I haven't gambled. Aim is just to get through tomorrow.
Paulds
Thanks for posting your feelings it’s a stark reminder to me that I need to be on my guard . 12 years ago I stopped for 2 years and seriously can’t remember how I felt because the last 10 years I have been in a trance like state due to gambling although still on the outside functioning . Even all these days that you have clocked up , if you don’t mind me saying , you still post like it’s almost day 1. Do you think it affects different people in different ways with the way they process it all? I believe that . I would guess it’s like smoking where some people can just walk away and never smoke again overnight and others go through torture with it . Back to the gambling I am currently almost euphoric because stopping is a very new sensation . I know that this won’t last and I will go through the myriad of emotions that you seem to be feeling . Finally , well done for your efforts thus far , it’s testament to you that despite your internal struggles you are still driven to beat this , kudos !
Day 216 gamble free
Urges come and go, still the thought process is .. could have won money in that, I knew he/she would upset the odds etc. And what if I bet I told myself? I wouldn't be able to stop, the bug would be inside me once more, eating away from the inside out until nothing was left.
Each day gamble free is a success, I'll always remember a CG telling me that his strategy was to tell himself that he was allowed to gamble tomorrow, just not today, it seemed to work for him. This Groundhog Day situation would have driven me crazy, but it goes to show that everyone's recovery is bespoke.
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