Thanks for posting Vulture, I thought that I would reply separately. It most certainly does feel like day one each day, the urges are weaker and less frequent but they are still there. The pain and anguish I have caused is further in the past but it is still there. I will always remember a CG at GA who had gone 17 gamble free, 17 years and still coming to GA meetings, what incredible devotion. He always used to say that everyone is on day one, it doesn't matter if it is day 0 or day 1000 we are all fighting to get through the day. I always remember his advice because one day he came in trying to explain how inexplicably he had gambled. There seemed no reason why, he didn't need the money, he hadn't gambled since before his teenage children were born, he wasn't stressed or upset so why?
We are all on day one as each day is a challenge.
Day 79 gamble free,
Got up to 220 days and slipped, idiotic. Straight back on the gamble free train but still feel stupid. What ridiculous thoughts does my brain have to think that gambling might be a good idea, after all the pain, lying and trauma it has caused...
No answer but to take each day by day by day by day. That is all. Day 80 is the target. Little by little I am cracking this. I hate it and I am stronger than the gambling demon.
Paulds
Day 84 gamble free
1065 days until debt free
Feel stronger now, my desire not to gamble and my hatred for it outweigh any urges. The gambling demon will be back of course, always lurking. Doesn't matter if I am on day 1 or day 1001 there is always a chance I could succumb.
I have accepted this now, it will always be within me but now all I can do is try not to gamble tomorrow that is all.
Paulds
Day 35 gamble free
1028 days until debt free (counting down from 1460)
I stupidly gambled 35 days ago but have come back more determined. If I reach 26th June it will have been two short gambling episodes in a year. It is progress but complete abstinence is the only way.
Paulds
Day 45 gamble free.
Very tempted to bet on World Cup but I can't do it, can't go back to square one again.
Even if it is a few pounds it doesn't matter, my heart and soul can't take this anymore. Even if I won, so what? What would happen then? It would plant the gambling seed which would grow inside my brain causing me to gamble again and again to devastating consequences.
What sort of illness is this? One that attacks and overrides our logical and emotional guilt genes and fortifies the mind crushingly stupidity gene?
Stay safe and strong.
Paulds
Well done reaching 45 days gamble free again Paul. Very please for you.
You said it - what is the point on betting on the World Cup. If you lose you will have lost your hard earned cash and your gamble free run. If you win all incentives to remain gamble free will be gone and you will only give your winnings back.
Enjoy the World Cup for what it is - a rare special occasion. Enjoy the atmosphere, the skill and the colour - root for the underdog - don't tarnish this wonderful event with a bet. I promise to do the same.
Best wishes,
Markman
Day 46 gamble free.
Thanks for the wise words Markman, let's enjoy the WC for what it is and go gamble free. All stress evaporates when I don't have to think of bets and sweepstakes. Even the England games are more tolerable as I get older.
Summer is around the corner and I can draw on lots of recent gamble free summer experiences to help me again. Who needs gambling when you have outdoor life, the beach, cold beers and holidays to enjoy.
I am down about my debts, 49% of my salary goes on them with another 49% going on rent and living expenses. The 2% for myself is all I need, a few pennies to treat myself and others. Buying someone a coffee now makes me feel like a multimillionaire compared to where I have come from. I can buy better quality mince instead of the fat ridden discount supermarket own brand. Onwards and upwards.
Paulds
Day 51 gamble free,
Managing to resist and determined to fight on . Day by day is the only way, one day I will look back on this a smile, right now I do smile as another gamble free day is almost over. After each day I lie in bed, turn to the wall and smile, despite every other stress and anxious moments at least I have got through the day without gambling.
Paulds
Great stuff. I do the same. So thankful to make it to bed and another day. Hard work. Keep going.
Day 67 gamble free,
Day by day that is all, only target is to get through to the end of the day not having given even a penny to gambling.
I feel stronger now but every day is a challenge, the gambling demon loves to lull me into a false sense of security.
I didn't gamble on the World Cup I am thankful of that. Even if I won what would have happened next? I would have felt ashamed, continued to gamble until it was all gone and then gamble until I couldn't get access to money. Idiotic behaviour that thankfully I avoided.
Paulds
Keep going lad! 67 great stuff!
Day 72 gamble free,
The reminders of my gambling past accompany me everywhere, can't afford this and that, shorter holiday, travel on foot, however it would be a million times worse if I was gambling that is for sure. The value of money, relationships and the truth can never be underestimated.
In a new town this week so dangers everywhere but determined not to give in.
Paulds
Stay strong pal!
Day 86 gamble free
977 days until debt free (down from 1460)
Only aim is to get through today gamble free, the demon can strike at any time so I should be on my guard.
I have 5 bank loans and three will finally be paid off in 18months. It is a long way off but I am patient. Every time it all seems to be too much or moving too slowly I hunker down in my day by day bunker. Getting to the end of the day is doable, grand gestures and far off targets can seem like too much. I just need to look after today the numbers will take care of themselves.
Paulds
Day 94 gamble free,
969 days until debt free
Now almost into August but the aim is just to get through today gamble free. I have now had several summers in the past few years which have been gamble free . But it is important not to focus that far ahead.
Those kinds of achievements happen by taking care of the day to day stuff. Not even aiming for 100 days even though it is close.
I am still not trusted or respected at home and I have myself to blame for that. Each day is a battle but each day gamble free gives me hope and strength, it is the only path.
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