Diary of a secret idiot

Wow, thank you everyone for the support. I have not replied to anyone on here yet but I will when I get t a positive place.I woke this morning with a really bad headache.i never get headaches. I remained in bed all day. And despite the discomfort and pain it has been lovely taking a day our of life. Just a day to rest my body and my brain. I slept nearly all day. I have just woke up and it is nearly nine at night and reading your posts has inspired me. For the first time in years I find myself making plans. Next week , on pay day I am going to buy some new clothes and get my hair done . I am going to book a table for a meal at the weekend so I have something to look forward to and take my husband out. I never make plans. It's always what will we do and then go to any old cafe or take away. Can I afford this. No but it will cost a lot less than gambling. I am going to make sure I have lots to look forward to. It also gives me something to talk about. You can't really describe a night at the bingo or a night spent on line gambling to others. Yes I am starting to feel a wee bit normal. It's time to take my life back!!thank you everyone.

Wow, thank you everyone for the support. I have not replied to anyone on here yet but I will when I get t a positive place.I woke this morning with a really bad headache.i never get headaches. I remained in bed all day. And despite the discomfort and pain it has been lovely taking a day our of life. Just a day to rest my body and my brain. I slept nearly all day. I have just woke up and it is nearly nine at night and reading your posts has inspired me. For the first time in years I find myself making plans. Next week , on pay day I am going to buy some new clothes and get my hair done . I am going to book a table for a meal at the weekend so I have something to look forward to and take my husband out. I never make plans. It's always what will we do and then go to any old cafe or take away. Can I afford this. No but it will cost a lot less than gambling. I am going to make sure I have lots to look forward to. It also gives me something to talk about. You can't really describe a night at the bingo or a night spent on line gambling to others. Yes I am starting to feel a wee bit normal. It's time to take my life back!!thank you everyone.

Starting to feel better. Two whole days in bed. And what do I want to do... Gamble!, but I can't..no cards n not well enough to drive so another day gamble free,

Pleased to hear you're feeling better, you're doing great, keep strong and beat this addiction,I understand how difficult it is and getting urges all the time. Stay strong we can both do it, take care J x

I think I am never going to recover from this. I have no will power. I am so unbelievably stupid...and broke.

I need a miracle...

I know exactly how you feel I have blown money I didn't even have this weekend, I really want to stop but keep getting drawn back in, I also feel weak, pathetic & so so stupid, I have just downloaded Txnogam software onto my computer to see if this will help and will be starting a new diary soon. We can both beat this together, take care and don't be too hard on yourself J x

Small steps to begin with. Problems wont get sorted overnight but what caused them - gambling and the y are so big because of - gambling so any more gambling and things will just escalate. We are all in the same situation, just takes one relapse from any of us on here and we could literally bankrupt ourselves (not to mention debts on top). Many on here have managed to break the cycle with nothing more than taking each day as it comes. Don't gamble today, nor tomorrow and eventually it will become a distant memory. Dont give up!!

Hi Spooly, how are you getting on? Day 2 for me, I'm finding the blocking software helping a lot. Been kept busy with work today so that helps take my mind off the slots. Anyway hope you're well and battling on, take care J x

Hi Spooly - Hope you are feeling better.

You said in your last post that you needed a miracle - well, there are a few miracles going on here when you read the utter despair some people have been in and how they have turned their lives around for the better. You can do it too! You have already come a long way in such a short time because you are trying so hard to rid yourself of this horrible affliction.

So look after yourself and take heart. You will start to feel better with every day of sanity without gambling - try to forget what has happened in the past and look towards a better and healthier future with your familyl

Joanna

Thank you everyone..Today is pay day. I am tempted to gamble but am clinging to God . I have started reading my bible every morning. It sets me up for the day. Today I have just completed day 3. And my pay is safely in the bank. Roll on day 4

Day 4. Why do I stray from God? It always leads to destruction. "Because you forgot me and turned your back on me you will suffer.." Ezekiel 23.

Just in. Was at a funeral. I rarely drink but kinda just did tonight. Not because I was sad but it helped me fit in with the drunken crowd. I'm not too bad.. Spent fifteen quid. Might be a bit tired tomorrow. It makes me think. ." Yes if I was an alcoholic I would drink all the time......but it would be hard to spend a grand a day on drink

I might stay out late but it would be hard to drink all day and all night....unlike gambling

Maybe I have picked the wrong Addiction!!!

What is the value of this site? Last night when I came home I did not go online to gamble and lose all my wages. I came on here and yes reading over it, I wrote nonsense but today I am richer, happier(despite a hangover!) and really thankful that this site is here!! My luck has changed and I am winning at last!!

Spooly

Fella your last two posts raised a huge smile.

Well done in your continued abstinence.

Yes this forum is a gift,made by it's authors who are simply like minded folk who want to stop the destruction that gambling waged upon their own lives.

You are adding to that,for it be proud

Duncs stepping forward never back

Well done on your progress Spooly, sorry to hear you were at a funeral, hope you're ok. Keep fighting your demons and beat this addiction once and for all, take care J x