Discovering my old self day by day!

Good for you mate, family is what matters. Create those memories that will last forever.

Thanks G100. It’s been a hard couple of days for me and I’m glad that despite the stress I’ve been under I’ve not thought about gambling. Need to get some sleep and hope I wake up in a better frame of mind. Just a short post but a good one as I’m ok day 48 gamble free!

Life is full of challenges and stressful situations mate, and sometimes the reason that we gambled in the first place. Glad to see that you stayed strong as gambling will only add to any stress that you are already under. You’re nearly at the 50 day mark GF so you can do this and then work towards the 100 day. Have a great weekend.

So here I am on day 50, a great achievement for me! I have progressed a long way in a short time and I must keep working hard day by day to keep myself away from that dangerous first bet. I will never be cured and I need to remember that, I need to keep working on my blocks, keep them firmly in place and always be looking for new things to try. Thanks for the support G100 it means a lot. A long shift in work ahead of me today, but much better than the long gambling shifts I used to put in!

brilliant mate, congrats on 50 days up . all being well i will hit GF50 on Tuesday, which is the longest i reckon ive gone without some form of gambling since i was about 16. Working all weekend also but the weather isnt as nice as it has been recently so its no issue. keep going and looking forward to reading your 100 days post.

I was wondering if WhereisMyMind comes from the Pixies song as in 'your head will collapse and there's nothing in it , so you ask yourself, where is my mind?' Great Tune and if so you're showing your age. When i was in the grip of this thing my head did collapse and there was nothing in it apart from thoughts of gambling, - relationships, family, work etc. all were pushed to one side. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjJHH6IL3Nc

I was talking on my diary about the gambling monkey and getting him off my back. Continuing the Pixies theme another classic of theirs which is relevant to all this - 'Monkey Gone to Heaven' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XycBLF6kWuY

Hey shake the disease, it is indeed to do with the Pixies song. Its about what the song means to me and also that I love the song anyway. To me in my years of gambling my mind was empty, I wasn't a good person, my mind and body existed to gamble, I had no soul. If I ever get the urge to gamble I need to play that song and reflect on where my mind is at that time. Gambling gave me nothing but emptyness and lost me all my friends and so much more over the years, it made me a worthless being. On reflection now my mind is back, I'm settled, I'm a good dad, a good partner and I'm progressing. But I have a long way to go any many years damage to repair. This can't be done quickly and I won't make the mistake of wanting too much too soon. For now my main focus has to be on the daily task of not putting a bet on and of being a great dad and partner. The rest will hopefully heal over the coming days, months and years. Its day 51 and my mind is in a better place!

its great that you can get so much inspiration from that song, day 51 is a massive achievement , keep it going

Early hours of day 53 and I’m on the night shift in work. I used to get bored and gamble on the nights shift, thankfully I’ve put blocks in place to stop that from being an option. I’m feeling really positive about my recovery, I’m not having any urges at the moment which is fab! Football season is imminent but I got through the World Cup bet free so I can do the same on the coming Saturdays. After all football is so much better watched to enjoy, rather than to punt on. So just more of the same for me, got to keep the days ticking over and keep myself busy.

I’m once again on the night shift and just starting day 54. I’ve been really reflecting on the past a lot in the past few days, trying to understand what it was that got me hooked and also trying to right a few wrongs from the past. I feel I’ve made progress and by having deeper thoughts and understanding myself more it will help with my recovery. I’ve been really focusing on the old me before I gambled and how good life was, I can’t change what happened next and I can’t take the pain and darkness away but I can build a brighter future. Rebuilding some friendships from the past is something I would like to do, I lost all my friends when I got heavily into gambling. My partner is keen on us getting married and one thing that puts me off is that I really wouldn’t have anyone to ask to be best man. As a 15 year old boy I had a busy social life and lots of friends, from 16-18 I lost all of that and I’ve lived the past 20-22 years a very lonely person whos only purpose was to gamble. Maybe I can reach out to old friends and rebuild the burnt bridges, if not then I need to meet new friends and I really wouldn’t know where to start to do that. Gambling really has sucked my soul out of me, but I can choose a different path and that’s what I am choosing to do.

Keep going and congratulations on day 54, if you can stay free of the curse you'll find your mind will be less cluttered than it was when gambling consumed you and everything will fall into place and you can rebuild much of what you lost. The fact that you are now reflecting on the past and looking for the triggers shows that your mind is in a good place where you are looking at things differently as opposed to thinking about gambling.

I moved a long way north for work reasons away from friends and family and I think not being around friends encouraged my gambling as i was on my own a lot.

so ironically losing your friends encourages you to gamble and gambling encourages you to lose your friends. work that one out. I noticed you mentioned you're around chester way, im in west cheshire and i can always manage a couple of pints any time.

stay strong mate, 54 days - its all coming together.

Thanks for the post shake the disease I have left a reply on your diary.

I'm a little annoyed today, I noticed a shop near to where I work has changed ownership to a different bookmakers so I called the national exclusion helpline to add this shop to my list and they told me they couldn't find it. I then called the Gambling Commission to report this operator and they told me it takes time for the shop to be uploaded to the system. This really did annoy me, I said to them I still want to raise it as a complaint as in my opinion a shop should ensure its in the exclusion system before they are allowed to open. The old me would have seen this new shop as an opportunity to gamble again as it would be the only bookmakers close to home that allowed me in. This could have been really dangerous and allowed me to potentially lose significant amounts of money. So to ban myself I had to go to the bookmakers website and in the process see a load of odds and betting rubbish that I'm trying to avoid in order to find contact details to ban me from their new store. I am now excluded and fortunately this episode hasn't made me slip up, but it could have done and its poor form from the bookie, the gambling commission and the national exclusion helpline. Onwards and upwards!

well done mate you're doing really well! I myself have gambled far too much money and massively screwed up my marriage so I am getting.lots of inspiration from your posts! keep it up and it just proves people can change. too many posts on these sites saying people can't change bit they can and you are proof of that.

Day 56 will be spent getting ready for a family holiday tomorrow. Another pay day today that won't be wasted in a bookmakers or online gambling. Feeling strong in general and enjoying life lots more, learning more about myself and remembering more about the old me before I gambled. The journey has been full of pain and torture, but the daily medicine is to stay free of that first bet, the medicine brings results! Just got to keep fighting.

great effort - I said in my diary that being skint is fine when you know youve spent the money on material things, the house , the kids, on people you love, being skint because youve self destructed and blown it all on gambling is a low point that i personally dont want to repeat, have a great holiday, enjoy your kids put your feet up and enjoy your achievements so far.