Discovering my old self day by day!

Day 110 and its getting a little more challenging to get through each day at the moment, I am having urges to gamble and I am just trying to remind myself of the many reasons why I need to be strong and avoid that first bet. Without Gamstop I probably would have slipped up by now, its been a big help for me. If I place a bet today it won't only be today, it will be tomorrow and the next day and it will drain my bank and bring the worst out of me. I have to keep up the fight one day at a time.

Hi WhereIsMyMind,

first - congrats on 110 days gamble-free, that is an excellent milestone.

Do you know what has been triggering the urges the last few days? Has anything changed in your approach? Do you have more free time? Do you have access to more 'spare' money? What do you think it could be?

It is worth investigating this because going forward knowing about your triggers and danger situations will make a sustainable recovery easier for you.

If you like you can call the Helpline or the Netline to speak to an adviser to help you figure this point out.

Wishing you all the best in your continued recovery,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thanks for the post Eva, I'm not so sure what has made the urges come back, I don't have much free time to gamble as when I'm not doing long shifts in work I've often got my little one and he keeps me out of trouble. My thinking is that this isn't soomething thats ever going to go away and as with any addict there will be days when I want to gamble, afterall 22 years of hitting it hard won't go away overnight. There is no magic cure, I have just got to take things one day at a time.

So on day 112 I'm pleased to say I have not had a troubled day, I'm going well and between looking after the kids I'm taking in as much of the Ryder cup as possible. Just got to get through the rest of the day safe and it will have been another fruitful day!

Massive well done for 110 days.

Your first post resonated pretty much with me.

From my poor experience, the first week is easy - the lows are fresh in my mind. I'd go as far as to say that I've even felt euphoric in the first couple of weeks of stopping.

Its down the line, when the thoughts resurface, that you let your guard down.

GAMSTOP & self exclusion are great strategies - after all, we are only trying to get though one more day (or one hour !).

I don't take my bank cards / credit cards to work with me - the credit cards are cut up, although I've got hefty balances on them and I've closed one current account (which basically was opened & used pretty much exclusivly for gamlbling, and to increase the amount I could withdraw in a day ).

Thanks for the post K2 and the wise words, I will take a look at your diary and leave a post sometime later or tomorrow.

Its day 114 and its been the hardest so far, its been the first day I have taken a look at online racecards for 114 days and I have desperately wanted to gamble. If it wasnt for Gamstop I would have opened a new account and gambled. I spent about 3 hours this afternoon fighting myself and considering taking an hour drive to a bookies I wasn't excluded from. Somehow I have got through today but its been an immense struggle. Got to get my head straight and myself back on track as I feel a slip is very close around the corner.

Stay strong.

i'm sure the urges will never leave us.

Have you tried GA meetings ?

Are there any other small strategies that would help. I block some sites using my browser. Not perfect I know as I could easily download another browser, but it gives me a few minutes to reflect on what I'm doing.

In extremis, I have cut my current account card up and ordered a new one. Not ideal as you need to get though the 5-7 days for a new card to arrive. I have plenty of balances on my credit cards but all are cut up, so the days of being able to withdraw £1500 on a combination of debit cards & credit cards are at least gone. I'm not planning to gamble but at least mitigate the damage if I do slip. The feeling of self loathing when I have slipped and failed in the past inevitably leads to mad betting sprees

Dear WhereIsMyMind,

Well done for managing to work through the urges and to keep yourself safe and away from gambling. It must have been a difficult day but you stayed focused . I wonder what may have trigegred you? Are there any changes in your life? You are welcome to call the helpline or netline and speak 1-2-1 with an advisor

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Thanks K2 and Admin. I am indeed a member of GA and believe it’s important to attend weekly going forwards if I want to stop.

I’ve had a really tough week and I’ve had many unsuccessfully attempts to log onto here which hasn’t helped. Thankfully I’ve stayed gamble free but it’s a daily struggle and I’ve started looking at raceform and watching the odd race on telly which really won’t help me. Feel that slip is imminent, want to get back on track and get my head straight, but I’m not coping well. It’s the end of day 118 and it’s made life better in so many ways so it’s crazy I want to slip back to my old ways which will make life a misery.

Day 121 and I'm clinging on hard, been such a tough week, I desperately want to put a bet on. Don't know how long I can last till I slip up.

So I lost the plot and I'm back on day 2 gamble free after a week of madness. For about 5-6 times in the last 22 years I have reached the 100 day mark gamble free and each time the urges have hit me hard after day 100 and I have ended up slipping up. Last week I won a large amount and it took me till Tuesday this week to fritter it away. It always ends the same and it turns me into a horrible person. I really did hit some lows over the last week and if it wasn't for my family I would rather not be here. I have been to the doctors today about how I feel and how low/depressed I am. I have been offered anti depressants several times in the past and said no, but today I said yes and I'm going to see if they can help my general moods as even when I'm not gambling and feel lifes going well I still find life very dark. Payday tomorrow, got to get back on track and focus on taking one day at a time and not go and blow all my wages!

hi WIMM, been a while - sorry to hear you had a relapse. i had one also at 128 days , for 1 day, back on day 79 now. hope you got back on the horse after your last post and are in a good place.