So this is my story, the only difference to anyone else's on here is that it's mine.
So...I'm 33, I have a boyfriend, own my own house, have lovely friends, a good family (albeit with some issues) and a good job.
I know how I got here.
I just don't know how to get out...
My problem, like many, is online slots. Countless ups and downs, gambling hangovers etc. for the last two years. The plan this payday had been, like everyone else, to not even wager one penny but make a start on the huge amount of debt I've racked up to this stupid addiction. The day after payday and I'm down 700, which is only 20 less than the amount I'd managed to pay off my debt.
If I only owed money to the banks it would be ok, but it's the money I owe to friends and family that keeps me up at night(hence why I'm typing this at 4am)
I'm low, never suicidal, but I can't say I don't understand the people who get that way from this demon.
I've left myself nothing for the month, can't borrow anymore and am struggling to see the end of it all.
But, like I said, this is my story, and as such I guess I have the right to try and choose my own ending.
So the plan is this:
-Draw out the little money I have left for food this month so I can't bet it.
-contact the gas and electric company who will hopefully let me pay in installments the amount I owe.
-contact the latest pay day loan company for the same thing
-resume the counseling I was having before (that I stopped as it was highlighting some painful issues...the ones that got me here in the first place) if they'll let me
-on payday I'm going to buy the cheapest mobile I can find that only makes calls and texts so I can't gamble on it, and throw this one away.
-and the obvious one, not wager anything next payday.
If I don't I'll be able to pay 900 off my debt. It's only 2.5% but it's a start.
So wish me luck people, any support would be appreciated. Thanks x
Oh, and the other thing, I'm going to try and get some sleep!
Hi Katniss
Welcome and I wish you well on your recovery. The triangle is often talked about and by drawing out your money you are breaking that. I sympathise totally with you about not being able to ask family/friends for cash and well done on coming up with your plan of action.
This is a ridiculously destructive addiction and the support you will get on here will help to hold you up when you feel fragile.
Take care and best wishes
Cheryl xxx
Hi Cheryl,
Thanks for your message.
Yours and Stephen29 are the two diaries on here that I have read in full so was happy when I saw it was you.
I really thought I'd had it beat this time. I hadn't gambled for about three weeks, albeit coz I had no money, but I didn't even have the urge. Then as soon as there's money in my account it's all over!
Anyway, onwards and upwards.
Hope everything is ok with you? Any news on the house? I hope everything works out for you. I too am at risk of losing my home if I don't sort this out and soon, it's scary but I suppose it's not the worst thing in the world as long as you and your family are healthy. I read something the other day that said if you have somewhere to sleep, a mobile phone and a few quid in your within the top 5% richest people in the world. I think that puts it into some perspective!
Stay safe and strong x
Hi Katniss
Ty for reading my diary makes scary reading even for me so hope it helped to focus you on your recovery. Awaiting paperwork re house. Hopefully you can sort things out with your home before it gets out of control.
Take care and best wishes
Cheryl xxx
God I'm an idiot. Just put another 50 in. The 'this one will be it one! Of course it wasn't! Now I've got 124 left for the month. I hate myself : (
Katniss
Don't give up trying to give up, a fair few stumble along the way so take the money out of the bank and start again.
Cheryl xxx
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
