Every Day Is A Second Chance

Hiya hun x so sorry you've been hurting I can imagine how you feel one of my exs was very handy with his fists etc and I heard about his brother on fb his brother was just as evil and I felt like I wanted to know whereabouts my ex was living so could avoid the area but I didn't find anything out just resurgence of bad memories and hurt, betrayal everything bad. I really understand how it all comes back, I hope your alright now hun don't give that s**m another second of your thoughts you deserve better take care x Lu x

Sorry to hear it. He might be trying to work his steps but he's not supposed to cause harm by doing it, it sounds heavy handed to launch in without trying to find out if he'd be welcome. Maybe message him that it's not ok, point out that he is harming you and ask him to leave you alone? If it's steps, he will.

Take care,

CW

Thanks all. Some interesting views! I've calmed down a bit..sat with the feelings (thanks Louis)...worked through some of it. Went into the garden and worked out my frustration on a few shrubs! I haven't thought about him in years. Not exactly erased him, but I was at the point that I'd have to think twice to remember the time we were together. A lot of my therapy did concern him and he definitely had a very strong affect on me. He was an unkind, uncaring b'stard for a lot of it but he wasn't all bad. No-one is. And I know he had his demons...and all these years later I can see how they might have affected him and caused some of his behaviour. I'm not excusing him, it doesn't make it right, but maybe I can understand it more. And if I act with kindness...if I put some of my own words into action...then I want to reply with more than my initial f**k off you little sh.i*te. He doesn't have that power or control over me anymore. What he does and says really can't hurt me anymore. I don't intend to just accept his apology and say it's ok. I'm going to acknowledge that he caused harm, that it took work, that it affected me but I'm also going to tell him that I'm ok. That I let it go a long time ago. That I do have a good, happy life.

I was as angry with the steps as I was with him. The idea that it makes the person feel better but with little regard to the recipient. But if he's really working a programme then it's no skin off my nose to accept his apology. Because really, when I read the efforts of the steppers and ga crowd on here...I want them to succeed. I applaud them for making amends...I admire the other halves for sticking with them and showing compassion. Where's the difference? The irony isn't lost on me that he's working his addiction which I'm sure is a result of the hurt that was done to him and I'm here with mine in part as a result of the hurt he did to me. What I don't want is to open up a dialogue. I'm not interested in going back over old ground and I'll make that clear. They'll be no tea and biscuits. No further discussion. Funny how life turns out isn't it? I never would have expected this. Bloody Facebook.

Oh LB...i read your first post today and the only thought entering my head was...where is your husband? Your soulmate? Your man to share your worries with?.

It's hard to get over your exes but you shouldn't do it by yourself..esp when you have understanding heart alongside you. Share, spk up...don't let it build up inside.

You're not alone & it's down to you to let ppl in. Hubby as priority? Ex can wait as he gave you too much hurt already..find your priorities to deal with difficult situations & leave the past in the PAST!

Best wishes

S x

Hello Old Gal :)) .

My blood pressure's never down these day's , well not for long anyway but that's life and with that post yesterday GGGGrgh ! :((.

Interesting switching it back around on me for my reaction LoL ! . I have thought a bit about this today and feel it's a little different for me than you .

If it was my ex making contact I'd probably be asking you for my template back and adding to it but with me it's not so much accepting an apology from her for all the things she did to hurt me but what she put my kids through and for that one fact alone I probably wouldn't "P" on her if she was on fire .

Whatever happened to her and me is one thing and for whatever reasons as well but the kid's were both innocent parties in all the conflict and to watch their mother not physically abuse them but mentally abuse them over a 12 month period of our divorce still sickens me today some 8yrs on and how anyone who's supposed to be a loving mother can do that is really beyond me .

She could come at me with how it was her drinking that made her behave unrationally but it's funny that there was no unrational behaviour when in her words " She wanted to take me for every last penny " regardless of what state that would of left me in to support my 13yr old who wanted to live with me and that was her real issue that my son didn't want to live with her .

She went mad and threatened this and that but the point was he was 13 and could make his own mind up but it wasn't until her solicitor pointed out to her that all that would happen would be her son having to go to court and tell a judge where he wanted to live , that she actually realised there wasn't a lot she could do and that's something she'd never forgive .

Despite the fact of what I've just said I'm actually not a bitter man toward's her and as far as I'm concerned what's done is done but the anger I have toward's her regarding the kids is a whole different thing , It's not me she has to apologise to ..

I suppose there's varying degrees of wrong doing and most things I'm happy to let sail on bye but for certain things I just wouldn't give someone a second chance , if their following some steps through AA or GA and one of those is that they make amends to those they've wronged ,well to me that's all about them wanting to feel better about themselves and that's just dandy for them but does little in my opinion to heal the hurt or right the wrongs of past actions for those affected ?.

That little rant over and with my blood pressure dropping once again , I'm glad youve reached a decision , although the word " Wimp " comes to mind ( Only kidding ) :)) , Like I said yesterday it's about how you feel and want to deal with things but just a good job you caught me on one of my better day's yesterday :)) .

Take care of yourself LB xx

So I was thinking about how you was saying that what ever you did he always put you down and he made you feel as if you were never good enough.
To me that stinks of someone with low self confidence. He was probably trying to bring you down to his level. That way you would be easier to control. I'd say more than likely he was batting way above his average?
Any how I was thinking. I'm doing a lot of that today.
30 year's is a long time and perhaps he may of changed and wants to make a mends for all the wrongs he's done. People can change lb. This forum is testament to that. Doesn't mean you have to except or deny the apology.
Have a great week
And thanks for zee post lb
Kisses

Hiya LB X thanks for post hun going to catch up reading tonight still got lot on lol no no way will she be a trigger hope your feeling better now you've been shaken up it'll take a while for emotions to settle . Take care hun spk soon Lu x

All is calm, all is bright (ooh, sounds like a chritmas carol)....opinions noted, mind cleared, reply sent. The big realisation I had about the whole thing was that after my split with him, I never took that sort of cr**P again. I can't say I'm glad I went through it with him...and it did take a lot of time and effort to work through it...but in the end I'm stronger for it. And in some funny cosmic, fate type way of thinking I wouldn't have the life, the husband and the kids I have now if I hadn't first been with him. So, all's good I guess. And on the plus side at least he didn't just turn up at the door!

Hello Luverly :))

No sore point to be prodded Lb , It's fine honestly :))

Ps Just noticed your post above and I'm glad calm has returned to your life once again

I totally forgot you'd been through the same with your sister (Sorry ) and glad we agreed on those points . Anyway tis just a memory these day's and like you said Best not to dwell sometimes .

I'm not so sure that vaping stuff Deano's on is bought over the counter stuff as he's a little too relaxed for my liking and the fumes kinda waffted my way earlier and stopped me from taking up the challenge of a gauntlett being thrown down ( well , that and kelly of course ) :)) .

Just returned from the hospital as a matter of fact and he's agreed to do both hips at the same time ( lucky me ) but it's prob not going to happen until January at the earliest though :((.

Anyhoo , thanks for dropping by and I'll catch up with you soon :)) xx

Morning LB , I don't want to come accross as all patronising but I'm really proud to be walking alongside you , I guess because You were here before I arrived I kinda forget to give you abit of well deserved praise from time to time .

Despite all youv'e been through in your life and even things recently , you get up dust yourself off and keep moving forward , It's not always about how low we can fall but how high we climb again and there you are climbing up alongside your day count again and helping and supporting as you go and that's something abit special in my book :)).

Wern't expecting that were you ? and not one joke in sight ! OMFG !!

Have a great day LB :)) xx

No It's all genuine and I'm sorry if the Vape got in your eye's a made a tear , I'll have a word with Deano when I speak to him :)).

I did just laugh though as I've also been having kind thought's about Adolph Hitler this morning , they dredged up one of his 500lb wartime bombs this morning from the harbour and shut all the waterfont off since 5 am , which means the other 2 chippies that were nearer had to stay closed , I'm a couple of hundred mtrs away and escaped the corden 🙂 " Kerching !! " what a great lunchtime I've just had " Cheer's Adolph " . Not that I'm comparing you to Hitler of course LoL !! .

I meant every word of it , you take care xx

Hiya LB so glad to hear your calmer and things brighter! Yes you wouldn't have met your hubby otherwise, isn't life strange with all its twists and turns and how somethings are just meant to be so we get our happiness eventually. It's like life makes us earn it lol. Anyway hun catch you again soon best wishes Lu x

LoL ! Yeah , Not so much "Herr Hitler " more like " Hair Lip " ? xx

The discussion and debate section has been added. So lead us off lb? X

Um? What to debate ?............................................. ?......................................

Turning 50 ? .......................................................? ..........................................

Red or white ? .......................................Hic , Hic ! ..............................................

Wax or Electrolysis for top lip ?...............................................................................

Seriously though , congratulations LB on your Idea taking shape or being published and good luck with the first debate :)) xx